Till There Was You
by brokenlovesong
Summary: When Kurt's dad re-marries Kurt suddenly has a step-brother. Blaine is three years younger than Kurt and gay as well. They quickly bond and life seems good. Blaine is in love with Kurt, so when Kurt starts to text with a guy Blaine gets depressed. In the end he comes clean and Kurt is over him. Now they have to hide their relationship. From GKM. Warnings inside.
1. Family Ties

**WARNINGS: Pseudo-incest (obviously), angst, explicit sex, boypussy!Blaine, lots of lots of fluffy boy-love. You have been warned.**

* * *

When Kurt's mom died he would never have thought that his dad would re-marry. He honestly didn't think he would. He had never expected his dad would find interest in anyone like that again. That was until his dad met Susan.

Kurt and his dad had been alone for 11 years. They had a great relationship, and even though Kurt's teacher in the younger grades had expressed their concerns of Kurt not having a female role model they had done pretty well.

It was a grey Wednesday afternoon when Burt Hummel came home and was happier than Kurt had ever seen him. He had got a date with a woman he had been support person for, for a few months. She had left her husband after their 13 year old son told them he was gay and her husband had a fit. Burt Hummel offered guidance to parents with homosexual kids after having gone through it himself, so when she came to him for guidance nobody raised an eyebrow.

As their relationship gradually moved forward Burt's mood also picked up. It didn't take long before they decided to move in together, and not soon after they announced their wedding. Kurt was thrilled. He loved seeing his dad this happy, and he was always excited to hang out with Susan. She was a lively woman with a great sense of humor and style. She took Kurt all the fancy places when they went shopping and she didn't find it strange to take him to the nail salon. No, Burt Hummel had got a wife and Kurt had got a friend.

Two friends actually. When their parents had realized their relationship was serious they agreed that their sons should meet. So they had a family dinner and let the boys have some alone time to get to know each other.

Susan's son Blaine was three years younger than Kurt. He was still struggling with his identity and coming to terms with his sexuality and the fact that his dad not only couldn't accept it, he had simply tried sending Blaine to an institution to be "cured" - that's when Susan had packed her bags and her son and had left the city. Kurt knew there was a lot more to the story, no one had told him anything more, but he could feel that there was something he didn't know.

Kurt got along great with Blaine. They quickly found that they had a lot more in common than their gender and sexuality, so they made friends in no time. Blaine was awkward; he was very shy and insecure. It took a long time for Kurt to get him to open up to him, and it took him even longer to convince him to sign up for glee club. He only really socialized with Kurt, so Kurt did his best to help him fit in with the other members of glee.

Kurt loved the long evenings he and Blaine would spend together. They would watch TV or go over issues of Vogue and talk about everything and nothing. Kurt had never had a friend he could truly share everything with so he treasured his time with Blaine greatly. Especially since Kurt was now on his senior year of high school and was standing with one foot out the door headed towards New York - all alone.

**xXx**

If had been difficult for Blaine to adjust to the changes there had been in his life over the last few years. Not only with his family and his school - but also with his body. Sure, every teenager goes through some biological changes when they're that age, but to Blaine it was harder.

_How did he know that? _To be a teenage boy is hard enough, but to be a gay teenage boy is stressful - only thing was that Blaine wasn't just any gay teenage boy. No, Blaine was a gay teenage boy with a vagina instead of a penis. Something his father definitely hadn't been happy about.

To add fuel to the flames of the bonfire that was Blaine's catastrophic body issues he was also in love with his brother. Alright, it really wasn't as gross as it sounded - but Blaine knew that to other people it was and he was terrified anyone would ever find out. Especially his family - especially his brother.

Kurt was only Blaine's brother by parental marriage. They hadn't even grown up together. They had actually only know each other for around two years - but that was enough. Ever since Blaine had met Kurt for the first time he had known that Kurt was all he could ever dream of - and it had only grown stronger since.

Kurt was gay as well. He was confident and fabulous. He was determined to make something of himself and he never excused for being who he was. He was a killer performer and never let anyone go down without trying to help. In short; he was everything Blaine wished he could be. And it didn't hurt that he was gorgeous as hell too.

When Blaine went to bed at night he thought about Kurt. When Blaine got up in the morning the first thing he thought was whether Kurt would join him for breakfast. When Blaine was in the choir room all he could do was look at Kurt and blush whenever he smiled at him. Blaine was struck hard.

As hard as all of that was it wasn't even the hardest part. The hardest part was the nights when their parents weren't home. Blaine and Kurt had made a ritual out of the evenings their parents were out of the house. They would adjust their schedules to spend the night together on the couch watching black-and-white movies in their pajamas while eating sushi an fruits. Whenever something funny happened Kurt would laugh heartedly and touch Blaine's thigh lightly, or when something sad happened he would clench his hand. Sometimes he even hid his face against Blaine's shoulder when watching something scary. All of the actions that made Blaine want to drag him close and ask him to never leave.

Only really comforting thing was that Kurt never had a boyfriend. Blaine felt terrible about it but he couldn't help fearing the day Kurt would announce that he had a boyfriend and Blaine would be forced to meet him and be nice to him and act like the supportive brother he was supposed to be.

**xXx**

It had been a horribly long day and when Kurt came home to find that his favorite scarf had a stain he was ready to throw himself in front of a bus. Or maybe just go into hibernating until after Christmas where everything good would be much closer.

It was only October and senior year had already turned out to be a way harder task than expected. It wasn't the classes or anything, because he was a good student and had never really had any problems about that - it was more or less everything else.

Being a senior meant more responsibilities, more stuff like class president election and being a good example to the rest of the school. It also meant that the morons of the school had realized it was their last chance of harassing Kurt and apparently they had decided to not let it pass. Add to that Rachel was much more on her toes about anything and everything, which meant that she was much more on Kurt's back.

"Is anyone home at all?" Kurt called out throughout the house when he entered. His dad's car wasn't in the driveway, so he figured that he had probably taken Carole out.

Sure enough, there was a note on the kitchen table and money for take-out. Kurt's mood dropped a little because he had really hoped for one of his dad's pep-talks when he got home. If anything could get Kurt's spirit up it was his dad explaining him that the men of the Hummel-family never quit.

Unfortunately he would have any of that tonight, so he went upstairs to shower. Apparently not even Blaine was home, and to be honest the world did look a little more hopeless at the moment.

When Kurt was done showering and had smeared himself in all his favorite lotions he slipped into his favorite pajamas and went downstairs to see if there was any way he could ever save his scarf from that nasty stain of coffee. Only thing was that when Kurt came into the kitchen his scarf wasn't on the table where he had left it.

As he could hear the TV in the living room he decided to go see who was home. Blaine was on the couch watching a documentary about Marlon Brando, very absorbed in the program.

"Blaine. Did you move my scarf? I put it on the kitchen table before I went to shower, but it's gone," Kurt asked. He had no idea why Blaine would move his scarf. It hadn't been in the way and it wasn't like it was so dirty that it was gross to have on the table.

"Oh hey. Didn't hear you. Yeah, I saw it was stained so I removed the stain. It's in the washing room for drying now," Blaine said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

He had touched his favorite silk scarf. Someone had actually tried getting something off his favorite silk scarf, and it wasn't someone who was authorized. What else could Kurt do than storm to the washing room to get an overlook of how terrible the damages were and whether or not it could be saved or at least covered up.

When he returned to the living room he was definitely not as worked up as he had been when running to the washing room. In fact, he felt a bit confounded.

"You removed the stain completely. It's gone. I can't even find it there," he said.

Blaine turned around and stared at him like he had fallen from the sky, or only now concluded that water was actually wet.

"Yeah. Should I have only taken half of it?" He asked, not really sure where Kurt's problem was.

"No. I mean. Thank you. I thought it was ruined. The stain was huge. I was already planning a funeral for it," Kurt said embarrassed.

"That would have been pretty sad. It's a lovely scarf. Next time hurry to rinse it with cold water, and if it's not enough just dub it with club soda," Blaine shrugged and returned his attention to the screen.

Kurt walked over to sit on the couch next to Blaine. It was nice. He had thought he would spend the evening alone, and with that he would undoubtedly be even more depressed than he had been when he came home - but hanging out with Blaine always made him feel a little lighter. Even when neither of them said anything and they actually didn't do anything but share a couch.

Blaine shifted a little in his seat. It was weird how he could always feel the change in the atmosphere whenever Kurt entered the room or sat down next to him. It wasn't like they were sitting close or anything; Kurt was at the other end of the couch - it was simply the knowledge that he was there that made everything turn inside him.

It was hard not to send him sneaking glances from the corner of his eye. Kurt had dragged his feet under him and was resting his head on his arm that was curled over the armrest. He looked completely exhausted and Blaine had to stop himself from not offering a massage. He could smell his shampoo and lotion all the way to his end of the couch, and the way he looked so small he was nearly begging to be held.

When the torture became too much he stumbled to his feet, and watched Kurt follow him with his eyes. He went to the kitchen where he thumped his head against the refrigerator a couple of times before he ordered some food. He made some tea and returned to the living room.

"Here. I uhm… green tea with lemon. I just figured you could use it," Blaine smiled and put the mug on the table in front of Kurt.

He loved seeing his face light up whenever he was surprised in a good way. If anything in this world could make Blaine's heart dance twist it was Kurt's smile and sparkly eyes.

"Thank you. God, Blaine, you are so sweet," Kurt beamed and sat up to grab for the mug. He choked down half of the tea and he could already feel himself relax a little. He had no idea how Blaine knew it was his favorite tea or how he had figured out how much he needed it at that point, but he really didn't care; Blaine definitely knew how to make him feel better after a hard day.

"I uhm… I also took the liberty of ordering your favorite pizza. Double cheese and no meat. Just seems like you need a lazy evening," Blaine told and sat back down.

The documentary he had been watching was almost finished and it bummed him out a bit because he had really been looking forward to it, but on the other hand did Kurt's shiny eyes make more than enough up for it.

"You didn't have to do that. Admittedly I had been fearing the thought of having to make a decision regarding food, but -" Kurt put his mug down and sighed.

He didn't have to say anymore. Blaine would just brush it off if he tried thanking him, so Kurt simply smiled and sunk back in the couch cushions to let the rest of the tea ease him down.

"I'm really happy that our parents met," Kurt said softly and watched Blaine's mouth crack in a grin that made his cheeks seek for his eyes. That smile was the most adorable thing ever.

"Me too. We have it pretty good here," Blaine chuckled back.

_I like being with you_, he thought and hoped Kurt didn't see him blush.

When Kurt had heard that his new step-brother would be three years younger than him he had feared it badly; young teenage boys could be such a pain and immature, how did his dad expect him to make friends with someone like that?

Now he couldn't imagine a life without Blaine in the house. How he had ever been lucky enough to end up with such a sweet, adorable and considerate guy to share house with would forever be a mystery to him, but he wasn't going to ever stop appreciating it.


	2. Brotherly Bonds

Some days living with Kurt was harder than others. Sometimes Blaine would wake up and simply wish for Kurt to have left the house already so he wouldn't have to be met by blue eyes and the cute smile Kurt always sent him when he saw Blaine come into the kitchen.

Since Blaine was the jocks' favorite freshman to pick on there was also the days where Blaine came home from school and stayed in his car to cry his eyes out to not fall directly into Kurt's arms the second he was in the house.

And of course there were the days where the family was in the living room watching TV and naturally Blaine would always be sitting in the middle of Kurt and his mom. Blaine would feel the scent of Kurt fill his nostrils and feel Kurt's body heat radiate to his own. Sometimes Kurt's hand would graze over Blaine's and it would take all the strength Blaine possessed to not grab his hand in his own.

Being in glee club with Kurt didn't exactly make it easier. When he watched Kurt dance around in tight jeans, or when Kurt defended him from Santana's mean remarks - or when Blaine made a suggestion but Rachel shot it down simply based on his status as a freshman, and Kurt would always object and say that he liked Blaine's suggestion.

There were also the little things. The times when everyone were listening to Mr. Schue and Kurt sent him a smile through the choir room, or when they were watching a DVD of something Mr. Schue found important for their assignment and Kurt would lean over the chair and whisper comments in his ear - or when they were, yet again, watching Rachel sing a strong ballad to emphasize how much she thought she was the only right to lead and Kurt would roll his eyes in Blaine's direction, or squeeze his hand if he got teary.

Yes, some days Blaine simply wanted to barricade himself in his room and never come out. He could spend nights crying into his pillows or nights unable to sleep because Kurt had complimented his performance or his outfit and his words were playing over and over again in his head.

**xXx**

"Blaine. Do you ever think what it have would been like if our parents hadn't met and we had met each other under different circumstances?" Kurt asked as he adjusted himself on the pillows of Blaine's bed.

When Kurt's dad had decided to take over the TV to watch sports and Blaine's mom was out with friends Kurt had suggested they went to Blaine's room to watch a movie. Kurt's TV didn't work at the moment, so Blaine thought it would be okay. Now they had put on Cocktail and Kurt had spent a good time talking about how hot young Tom Cruise was.

_All the time. If only you could be mine_, Blaine's brain cramped up.

"I mean… do you think we could have been friends?" He asked since Blaine's brain was too clogged up to form an answer.

"I hope so," Blaine finally stammered and decided to watch the screen instead of Kurt. There was no way he would let Kurt see how much the question affected him.

There was a few minutes silence where nothing but the sounds from the TV was heard, and Kurt was moving restlessly around on the bed. Blaine on the other hand was completely paralyzed in his spot. He was busy trying to keep himself from moving into Kurt's arms, which honestly could only result in disaster.

"I just - I'm afraid we wouldn't. I don't like that thought," Kurt said and suddenly he sounded sad and pensive.

Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt. The second Kurt noticed Blaine was looking he smiled back at him.

"Do you ever wish that you mom hadn't left your dad? Like… if he wasn't a total idiot," Kurt asked after more silence. He certainly was chatty tonight.

They had discussed the break-up between Blaine's parents before. It had always been the same; Blaine told that he had told his parents that he was gay, his dad had left the room and his mom had hugged him and told him that his dad just needed to adjust to the thought. A few days later his dad hadn't said a word to him until he came with the announcement that he had enrolled Blaine in a clinic in Minneapolis where they cured "cases like his". Blaine had been upset and frustrated, especially because his mom simply nodded and had no objections. In the middle of the night Blaine's mom had come to his room with a bruise on her face and told him to pack and then they had driven off into the night. He had never seen his dad again.

"I don't know. I've only ever known him like that. But… I don't think so. Then I wouldn't have met you," Blaine responded after having turned the question in his head a couple of times. He couldn't imagine his life any other way than what it was now.

"You're really cute, you know that - one day some guy will be lucky to be with you. If I don't go all big brother on him first," Kurt grinned and poked him in the ribs, making Blaine's cheeks flush.

_But I don't want some guy. I just want you_, was all Blaine could think.

Kurt didn't ask anymore questions that night. He fell asleep during the movie, and Blaine wished that he didn't have to wake him up. For a moment he considered just letting him sleep, but when he turned off the TV and opened the window Kurt woke up by himself.

"God, your bed is so good. One day I'll just stay here over night," he yawned and stumbled awkwardly to his feet.

On his way to the door he stopped and put his arms around Blaine. He didn't say anything, but mumbled a hazy "_goodnight_" before he went out the door and headed for his own room.

When Blaine was in bed that night he was a mess. He was angry with himself that he hadn't hugged Kurt back, but on the other hand did he think it was okay because Kurt had never hugged him before. He was also aching inside because he could smell Kurt everywhere; on his pillows, on his bedspread, on himself - the scent of Kurt was everywhere. It was in one time painful and amazing.

**xXx**

When Kurt woke up the next day it was early. The school was shut down because of a big teacher strike so he and Blaine had the day off. Unfortunately Kurt was completely incapable of sleeping until later than 9 so he stumbled out of bed to wash his face and make sure his hair wasn't a total disaster.

After making sure he didn't look a train wreck he bounced lively out of his room and down the hall to knock on Blaine's door. When there wasn't any proof of life on the other side of the door he opened it carefully and snuck inside.

He tiptoed over the floor and carefully crawled under the covers to watch Blaine sleep. He looked so peaceful and carefree. Kurt wasn't sure he had ever seen him so relaxed. His hair was un-gelled (had he ever even seen him without gel?), his mouth was slightly ajar and his nose wrinkled in an adorable fashion whenever Kurt did a tiny shift.

"Blaine? Blaine?" Kurt whispered gently after having watched him for long enough to get bored.

All it helped was making Blaine adjust himself a little on the pillow and move closer to Kurt, his hand nearly grasping around his wrist under the covers.

"Blaine? Come on. It's time to get up, sleepy -" Kurt trilled lightly, his voice a little higher this time.

Blaine still didn't wake up. He moaned a little and this time he grasped around Kurt's wrist, nearly making Kurt jump from the startle of Blaine's warm hand on his skin. Somehow it made warmth spread through his body.

Kurt moved a little and let his hand up to ghost a fingertip over Blaine's impossibly long eyelashes. Kurt had always envied his eyelashes. They were so long and dark, completely perfect, and he was sure that they were soft. He couldn't help giggle a little by the sight of the freckles that spread over Blaine's nose. They only ever show up when Blaine had been in the sun for a while. It was weird, but he had never really paid much attention to Blaine's lips when he wasn't singing, but now that he did he couldn't help noticing how lovely they were.

From the feeling of something so close to his eyes Blaine gasped out a little and squeezed his eyes shut. Kurt hurried to move his hand and bit his lower lip to not chuckle from the way Blaine looked cross-eyed when his eyes opened.

"Morning, Sunshine!" Kurt beamed at him.

At first Blaine wasn't sure he was awake. When he suddenly realized that Kurt was in fact in his bed, and he was currently grabbing around Kurt's wrist he moved a little back and baffled.

"Kurt? What are you doing in my bed?" He asked disoriented and hurried to get his hand over the sheets where he was sure he didn't place them inappropriately.

"I couldn't sleep anymore, so I figured I'd wake you up," Kurt sighed as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh… well - hi. Good morning," Blaine mumbled awkwardly.

He had often imagined waking up with Kurt in his bed, but this had definitely not been the way he had thought it to be. This was the only time in his life he had ever appreciated that he was incapable of having a hard on.

"Hi!" Kurt grinned and hurried to sit up.

"Now get your butt out of bed and I'll make coffee," Kurt said cheerful and got to his feet.

Oh my god, Blaine thought and hid his face in his pillow the second Kurt was out the door. He did his best to muffle a squeal before he forced himself to get up. He rushed to his bathroom to wash his face and cringed at the sight of his curls sticking out everywhere like branches on untamed bushes.

The morning continued with coffee and breakfast. After that Kurt declared that he wanted to go with Blaine to the gym for once and it was enough to make Blaine clench his hands hard to fists under the table.

Luckily enough Blaine survived their trip to the gym. He was happy that Kurt didn't find it too strange that he insisted on changing from home. He had no intentions on letting Kurt find out his secret - and definitely not like that.

When they came home they helped each other clean the downstairs floor to surprise their parents, and used the opportunity to practice their songs for the week's glee club assignment.

"You're really getting better at singing in front of people. I'm glad. It would be sad if no one got to hear your amazing voice," Kurt smiled and Blaine's insides bubbled.

When they both had showered they had lunch on the couch while catching up on the DVR. Blaine couldn't remember when it was the last time he had been having such a good time and he was on the edge of breaking into song every five minutes. He was sure even his mom could feel it when she came home. If every day until Kurt moved away could be like this it would be a lot easier to live with.


	3. Company

It was a dozy Thursday in the coffee shop where Kurt was sitting with his homework. He could to his death not get a grip around why he had so much homework when he was so close to his graduation. Hadn't someone once told him that senior year was meant for goofing around?

"Can I sit here?" an unfamiliar voice asked and Kurt dragged his eyes away from his book and up to meet a blonde guy, boy more like it with that face. He wearing black, framed glasses, a navy trench coat and a scarf in red nuances. His blonde hair was arranged in a mirror-perfected mess with tips spiking out here and there.

"I'm so sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you, but... aren't you Kurt Hummel?" the boy asked and suddenly Kurt was wide awake, the annoyance of being pulled from his doze completed melted away.

"Yeah. I am. Why?" he asked a little cautious. In Lima it was never a good thing when people he had no relation to knew his name - usually it meant bullies getting ready to take a toll at him.

"It's kind of embarrassing, but I don't care because you really are Kurt Hummel. _The _Kurt Hummel. I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you," the boy burst out, fast and words stumbling over each other.

"Okay. So I saw you at Sectionals with your glee club, and I was stunned. Even when swaying in the background all I saw was you, and your voice is so magnificent. It's so lame but I just had to get to know you so I've watched you and here I am talking to you and _oh_ my _god _I'm like your biggest fan -" the boy blabbered our like there was no tomorrow.

Kurt felt his face redden a little and his mouth pulled up to a slight smile.

"Wow. I'm flattered," Kurt stammered. How was he supposed to respond to that?

"I'm Chandler, by the way. I am so honored to meet you," the blonde grinned and looked like he could possibly faint from the situation.

Chandler didn't faint. On the contrary he and Kurt talked for a long time. That was Chandler asking Kurt for everything related to his performing career. He dragged up stuff Kurt had even forgot about and told that he had tried talking his parents into letting him transfer school to be in McKinley so he could get to be closer to Kurt.

When Kurt finally had to leave Chandler stumbled awkwardly after him after he had already told him goodbye, and he caught up with Kurt halfway to his car.

"I'm sorry if this is creepy. I am not some crazy stalker, I swear. I just - can I get your number? I really wanna see you again," Chandler stammered out with blushing cheeks and troubling eye contact.

**xXx**

Blaine was sitting with his laptop in the kitchen. He was trying to find out where he could get a shirt he had seen that he really wanted, but usually he asked Kurt for fashion advice - because who wouldn't? But Kurt wasn't home and Blaine was really annoyed, because honestly he just wanted to know if Kurt thought it would look good on him.

"Hey there," Kurt thrilled as he came strutting into the kitchen. He found a bottle of water in the fridge and pressed a wet kiss to Blaine's cheek before sitting down next to him. Yup, Blaine was definitely on fire.

Kurt directed his attention to the screen as he knew that Blaine only ever sat in the kitchen like that if he needed help with something. He scrolled a little down the page, pressed the different colors and zoomed the pictures.

"You wanna get that shirt?" Kurt asked and drank from the bottle as he switched the shirt's color between red and mustard while eyeing out Blaine.

"Yeah, I just - I don't know where to get it," Blaine said as innocently as he could. He didn't want Kurt to know how much he craved to hear him say that he looked good, but whenever they were discussing clothes and Kurt complimented him he simply dissolved to a puddle of mush even though he knew Kurt didn't mean it the way Blaine dreamed of.

"It would be really cute on you. The mustard. I love that..."

Kurt's phone vibrated and he grabbed it out. He opened the text and blushed a little with a smile spreading on his face. Blaine couldn't really say what it was, but something inside him was tying up. He really didn't like that.

Kurt clicked out a quick reply and let the phone drop to the table before returning his eyes to the screen, only this time he seemed giddy and unfocused.

"I'm sorry. I was saying something... Yes, yes. The yellow really works with you, cause you have this dark thing going on. You should work with that," Kurt said.

Blaine was not amused. Usually Kurt would have referred to his eyes and skin and hair compared to the color and texture of the fabrics. Now he seemed like he was brushing it off.

The phone buzzed again on the table and Kurt quickly picked it up. He threw his hand to his mouth and strangled a giggle before he let his long, slender fingers dance over the screen.

"Okay. I have to tell you this Blaine! You will not believe what happened to me today! I was at The Lima Bean to do homework as per usual. I do not get why Mrs. Johnson find it okay to give us a report on - anyway, that's not the point," Kurt eagered out and Blaine could already feel that whatever was about to come he was not going to like it.

"So this guy that I've never seen before comes up to me and asks if he can sit. Unfortunately I can't really claim an entire table to myself so I accept, and now the crazy part comes - he says that he's my biggest fan! He starts rambling about me, and asks me questions of Regionals, and when I was in Cheerios and all that stuff. And he was so cute!" Kurt blabbered out.

_Easy. It doesn't have to mean anything. So he has a stalker, stalkers are creepy and Kurt would never fall for that_, Blaine tried calming himself, but the little voice from the back of his mind just won't shut up.

"Can you believe it? I have a fan!" Kurt giggled and replied to the text that had recently ticked in on his phone.

"Sure. I mean - you're the best performer I've seen, so why wouldn't you -" Blaine stuttered awkwardly. He didn't want to sound like he was worshipping him, but he wanted to let him know that he too thought Kurt was a great performer.

"Ugh, Blaine. Where would I be without you? You really are the best!" Kurt grinned and gave Blaine a one-arm-hug before he got to his feet and headed for the stairs to their rooms.

"I really should thank our parents for making you my brother," he said and was gone.

**xXx**

When Kurt entered the kitchen the next morning he was practically bouncing. He couldn't really pinpoint what it was but he was definitely in a good mood this morning. He kissed his dad's cheek and hugged Susan before sitting down.

"Where's Blaine?" Kurt asked when he realized his step-brother was missing from the morning gathering. He started cutting out his grape-fruit and wondered whether he would be driving to school alone this morning.

Usually he and Blaine drove to school together on Fridays because they both had classes from 8.30 and glee club by the end of the day so would have time to gossip about that on the way home and have it out of their systems before family dinner.

This was the first time Blaine hadn't been to breakfast before him on a day they were going to school together.

"He was early. He said he had some things he wanted to get done before class so he would go to the library," Susan said and offered Kurt a cup of coffee.

"Oh. Okay… I guess," Kurt said. That was strange.

Kurt checked his phone. There were no messages from Blaine, only from Chandler.

**Chandler: **"It was so dark last night. Someone had stolen the stars and put them in your eyes."

Kurt giggled to himself. That was without a doubt the cheesiest thing anyone had ever said to him. Except for the bunch of other texts Chandler had sent him. This guy held some really corny lines - but damn was it refreshing to feel attractive and desired. And the fact that he was cute in a needy, puppy kind of way only made it all better.

Apparently he would go to school alone today. That sucked. He had really been looking forward to read some of these ridiculous texts to Blaine so they could laugh at them together. Sharing and laughing with Blaine was one of the best things he knew.

Kurt didn't see Blaine all day. Not even in the cafeteria over lunch. Brittany said she had seen him alone in the choir room and she was pretty sure he was waiting for Brad so they could work out a way for them to take over glee club together and in time the rest of the school. When Kurt texted him if he wanted to join him for lunch he didn't reply.

"Hey. Where have you been? I haven't seen you all day," Kurt pouted when he dumped down on the chair next to Blaine in the choir room as the other glee club members slowly started to gather around them.

"I just had stuff to do," Blaine said a little absentmindedly and directed his attention towards the whiteboard even though all it held was an obscure drawing Puck had felt the need to share with the world. Mr. Schuester hadn't even shown up yet.

"Alright. Wanna hang out before family dinner?" Kurt asked.

"I can't. Lots of homework, you know -" Blaine shrugged.

Kurt was bummed out. He didn't like Blaine rejecting him like that. Especially since he knew that he was currently in the middle of a project he still had a month to finish, so he didn't have to go hard on it now.

He didn't get to think any deeper about it though, because Mr. Schue entered the choir room and started talking about whether they should do singing jobs around town for the upcoming holidays such as thanksgiving and Christmas.

**xXx**

When Kurt came home Susan had just come herself. She was unloading groceries and smiled at him as he came through the kitchen. On his way he stopped to grab a bottle of water from the fridge before setting for his room.

As he walked up the stairs he stopped in front of Blaine's door for a moment, considering to ask him if he wanted to hang out. Then he remembered the mood Blaine had been in all day so he proceeded to his own room, sad and disappointed over the depressing way his weekend was starting out.

**xXx**

TV was terrible. Nothing good was on. Blaine could not figure out what kind of person had found it fun to create the idea for realtor shows - surely a sadistic douche.

He adjusted himself a little and groaned into his pillow. He had been rude to Kurt today, he knew that and he really felt bad about it, but he simply couldn't face him and his smitten-over-texts-from-another-guy face

When Blaine had woken up this morning he had been excited for the weekend. He and Kurt were going shopping Saturday which meant alone-time with Kurt and hopefully Kurt telling him how he liked him looking and dressing. Shopping, by definition, also meant a really happy Kurt, a Kurt who could laugh himself to cramps and not worry about anything.

Then Blaine had suddenly remembered the day before in the kitchen where Kurt had ecstatically told him about a guy he had exchanged phone numbers with - and Blaine's heart dropped.

"Why am I being so stupid?!" Blaine groaned into his pillow. He knew that the day where Kurt would start flirting and dating had to come eventually. He was nearly 18 years old and he was almost out of high school. Sure, Kurt was very cautious but there was no way he was planning on dying as an old maiden.

_I just hoped that at least he wouldn't do it in front of me_, Blaine thought and stared into the ceiling.

That had been the only good thing Blaine could find about Kurt moving to New York in less than a year; when he started flirting around he wouldn't have to witness it - until Chandler came along.

He was being selfish and unfair, he was perfectly aware of that, but he couldn't help the way his insides tied up when he thought about Kurt's cute, little smile when he was reading those texts.

Blaine turned around and knew that he should be getting ready for dinner, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that Kurt would be there and he would be cute and beautiful and talk about their shopping trip the next day - and it would be impossible for Blaine to resist his good mood.

**xXx**

Kurt was definitely in high spirits. He laughed a lot and engaged in deep conversation with Susan about a recipe-blog she had recently found. Blaine did his bestto deepen himself in conversation with Burt about what the change of economics in sports would mean for the players' training and performance.

It was hard, though. Ever time Kurt saw a possibility he found out his phone to giggle at new texts. Blaine had never seen him so absorbed in his phone before. He always found it to be bad manners whenever people had their phone out during dinner and parties, but it seemed like these texts made him forget that altogether.

At one point, during coffee, Kurt was laughing so hard from his text that he had to clasp his mouth over his mouth. It was too much for Blaine - all he wanted was to be the one to put that glow on Kurt's face.

"I don't feel so well. Is it okay if I just go to bed?" Blaine asked insecurely. He didn't want to upset his mom, but he really honestly felt bad and really wanted to sleep it all away.

"Of course, honey. Are you gonna be alright?" His mom asked nervously with her eyes taking in his uncomfortable appearance.

"Yeah. I just need some sleep, I guess," Blaine tried to assure her. He took his cup and dish to the kitchen and headed for his room.

"Is anything wrong with Blaine?" Kurt asked when he realized Blaine had left the room. He locked his phone and pushed into his pocket to return his attention to his dad and Susan.

"I don't know. He's been quiet all day. I hope he's not getting sick," Susan sighed.

Kurt felt uneasy. He couldn't really tell what it was but he felt like it was something he should be worried about. He promised himself that if Blaine continued to seem depressed like that he would talk to him in the morning.

"Yeah. He was quiet in school today, too. He didn't even wanna sit with me at lunch or anything," Kurt told.

They didn't discuss it any further, but when Kurt went upstairs he considered going to Blaine's room but he figured he didn't want to wake him up if he was already asleep. He settled for sending a text saying "_goodnight, I hope you're better tomorrow_". Kurt couldn't explain it, but an unease was filling his body when he was finally in bed.


	4. Silence

_Yeah. I did pretty good this morning, _Kurt thought as he checked his hair in the mirror. He turned a little to make sure he had everything under control and headed for the kitchen when he was satisfied.

"Good morning. Are you feeling better today?" He asked when he saw Blaine in the middle of a bowl of cereal. He poured a cup of coffee to put on the table in front of Blaine before he poured one for himself.

"What? - oh yeah, I'm better. Thanks," Blaine said and grabbed for his cup. He had nearly forgot how bad he was feeling when he went to bed the night before.

Kurt arranged his cut-out fruit artistically on his oatmeal and sat down at the table opposite Blaine.

"Good. Ready for shopping? Cause I'm looking for the perfect new years outfit - and no. One can never be too early in preparing one's new years outfit," Kurt declared.

He was adorable. Blaine couldn't hold in a chuckle as he sought refuge in filling his mouth with cereal so he could turn it over in his head before answering.

"Sure. And I'm assuming you already have sketches for my outfit as well?" He asked as he took his bowl to the sink.

"No one knows me like you do," Kurt trilled and drank his last mouthful of coffee and followed Blaine.

It was good. Blaine was back to be himself and there was no need to worry anymore.

_He was probably just having a bad day, or a headache_, Kurt told himself.

**xXx**

To watch Kurt twist and turn in a colorful variety of different clothes could only be heaven. He kept asking Blaine how the shirts looked, if he should have taken a tie in a different color or if the jeans were too tight on his ass. Yeah, this was definitely one of Blaine's favorite ways to spend his weekend.

The afternoon felt endless and Blaine had absolutely no complaints. Kurt dragged him from store to store and made him try on different pieces so he could judge them. This was one of Blaine's great ego-boosters since it gave Kurt a wide opportunity to tell him how the clothes were fitting his body.

When they had spent so many money even Kurt thought it was bordering on mental they agreed to go to The Lima Bean for coffee. As Blaine sat down to get them a table Kurt went in line. Blaine hurried to text his order to Kurt to make sure he got his favorite but heard a buzzing from Kurt's coat on the chair next to him.

"Here you go. Medium drip, right?" Kurt smiled and put a cup on the table in front of Blaine.

A whip of affection slashed through Blaine's spine. Kurt knew his coffee order, he remembered it from the times they had gone out for coffee. It seemed so immensely ridiculous to be touched by something so ordinary but to Blaine it was a blessing. Somehow his coffee tasted a million times better this afternoon.

Kurt was happy. Not only had he found the fabric he had been looking for to achieve the perfect effect with his new years outfit and he had got a pretty good deal on his brand of choice hair products, his day with Blaine had also been filled with laughing and talking. He would really miss that once he had to leave for New York, so he made a mental note to remember telling Blaine how much he wanted him to come visit him.

"Kurt? Hi! It's so good to see you! You look fabulous today!" A voice said and a spark of ice instantly shot through Blaine's nervous system. He looked up to see a blonde boy rushing over to sit on the chair between Kurt and Blaine, pulling the chair so he close to Kurt that he was nearly sitting in his lap.

"Hi Chandler. I believe I mentioned him," Kurt said and directed his last comment to Blaine before he turned back to the boy - Chandler. The boy who sent Kurt texts that made him giggle like a schoolgirl, the one who made Kurt stuck with his nose in the display on his phone, the one who made Kurt bouncingly happy in the morning.

"This is my brother Blaine," Kurt explained to Chandler who simply shot Blaine a look as if he was weighing him out for a fight.

"You don't look alike," Chandler said with a raised eyebrow.

"No. I wish - but we're actually only brothers via our parents - his mom married my dad, and now we're one big, happy family," Kurt sighed and sipped his coffee.

Blaine scooted together in his seat, wondering if he could sneak out of there unnoticed. Chandler started asking Kurt about New York and to Blaine's great misfortune he was, apparently, also headed for The Big Apple in the upcoming year's fall.

Kurt and Chandler chatted - which was; Chandler talked and talked. He was asking questions and telling about himself, giving Kurt suggestions and Kurt was politely answering and tried involving Blaine in the conversation - Chandler naturally doing his best to ignore Blaine.

"Blaine, are you alright?" Kurt asked when he noticed how uncomfortable Blaine was looking. He was wearing the same depressed and pained expression he had been wearing all Friday and he hadn't really touched his coffee.

"I think I'm just gonna go home," Blaine excused and stumbled to his feet.

A shot of worry washed over Kurt as he watched Blaine practically shrink in front of him. He hurried to his own feet and put a gentle hand on Blaine's arm.

"Are you feeling sick? I'm gonna go with you," he said maternally and felt a need to protect his brother take over.

"Of course not, Kurt. I know the way home. Just stay and have fun," Blaine said and nodded at Chandler who sent him a triumphant smirk by the sign of him getting Kurt to himself.

"Don't be silly. I'll drive you home. Come on. It was nice chatting, Chandler."

And that was it. Kurt grabbed his coat and walked with Blaine to the car. The entire drive home Kurt's phone was buzzing, but even though he ignored it flatly Blaine curled in on himself with his head resting against the window.

"Blaine, is there anything you need to talk about? Or just… vent, or something?" Kurt asked when he let his bags drop to the kitchen table. He turned to face Blaine who was on his way to the stairs.

_Please don't be with stupid Chandler. Be with me instead!_

"No. I'm just tired these days. You didn't have to leave just because I wanted to. Thank you," he said and did his best to sound tired and not like he was on the edge of an emotional breakdown.

"Yes. I did. I couldn't let you come back to this empty house alone if you're not feeling well. Now just go and get better, and I'll cook some dinner," Kurt said firmly. There was no way he was letting Blaine feel bad for him having left the coffee house.

"Thanks, Kurt -"

_Let me kiss you._

"Anytime," Kurt smiled.

Blaine turned around and fled to his room where he let his bags drop to the bed before he fell face forward onto the bedspread with a sound mostly resembling a wounded animal.

**xXx**

As promised Kurt cooked dinner. When Blaine was done showering he came down to find the table laid up with salad and grilled chicken. Kurt had baked whole-grain blueberry muffins and put Top Gun ready on the DVD - Blaine's favorite movie.

"What is this?" Blaine asked, still depressed and had really just planned on getting some food to bring to his room so he could soak around in his own misery.

"I - you've seemed so sad lately, and I just wanted to cheer you up. I don't like it when you're sad, Blaine. We might be brothers, but that doesn't mean I'll have to enjoy watching you suffer," Kurt sighed and poured water into the glasses on the table.

The mention of them being brothers stung, but Blaine couldn't bring himself to care at the moment because this was so sweet and considerate. Kurt had gone through all of this trouble for him.

"Kurt, you are - the best," Blaine choked out, stopping himself before his mouth ran over with words inappropriate for brothers to share.

"I'm glad you like it. Now come eat before the chicken gets cold," Kurt smiled and sat down, Blaine following his lead in a heartbeat.

They spent dinner talking about their day and discussing the different clothes they each had bought. Mercedes was having a glee club dinner/party in two weeks and Kurt was planning his outfit for the occasion, Blaine naturally being called in as judge.

As soon as they were finished eating Blaine rushed to clean up. He told Kurt to go to the living room and make ready for the movie. Meanwhile he would take care of the dishes and leftovers.

His spirit was sky high and he couldn't help hoping that if the evening turned out chilly Kurt would share a blanket with him later. Not that Blaine would ever be brave enough to snuggle close to him, but the feeling of Kurt being willing to share a blanket with him was enough to make him warm inside.

When Blaine came to the living room Kurt had put on the movie and the movie was filling the screen. He was curled up in a corner of the couch and as a punch to the gut for Blaine he was giggling like crazy.

"Oh hey. I just… got a text. Did you finish the kitchen?" Kurt grinned, trying to suppress a chuckle. He had changed into his pajamas and were wearing the fluffy socks Blaine had bought for him one day he was sick. Usually that would have made Blaine giddy but right now he couldn't care less.

Everything inside Blaine tied up. He couldn't if the text was from Chandler, but there was just something about the way Kurt was acting.

Blaine nodded and came over to sit in the corner of the couch furthest away from Kurt. Suddenly he wasn't much in the mood for watching a movie anymore, but he couldn't just leave Kurt now that he had made such a big deal out of it for him.

The entire movie Kurt was sitting with his phone, holding his hand over his mouth to not burst into laugher from whatever was going on. Blaine kept silent and curled up against the armrest. He wished that he didn't but he kept sneaking glances at Kurt and he felt sick because he had to witness that.

It didn't seem like Kurt had noticed it. Maybe he figured that he was just soaked up into the movie, or he was simply too caught up in his own world of his phone and Chandler to care. Either way Blaine tried convincing himself that he didn't care, so when the movie was finished he got to his feet and went to bed. Kurt called after him, but at the moment he didn't have much heart for manners.

After an hour there was a knock on the door, but Blaine didn't say a word. If there wasn't any reaction hopefully Kurt would think he was asleep.

The change in Blaine was terrible. Kurt was getting worried, but he had no idea what to do about it. The mood swings were unpredictable, and the way it seemed to be consuming Blaine to take over every part of him and get in the way of enjoying himself was saddening.

**xXx**

The next day continued like that. Only worse.

Blaine stayed in his room all day and didn't even come out for coffee or food. He told his mom that he had homework but in reality he just didn't want to be in the same room as Kurt when there was a big chance of him being obnoxiously giggly over texts from a certain annoying blonde.

"Hey kid. There's a game on. Don't you wanna come watch?" Burt asked when he came to Blaine's room after everyone had finished dinner. It wasn't because Blaine had felt like letting him in, but there was just something about Burt he couldn't turn down.

"I'm not really in the mood. But thanks," Blaine said apologetically.

He knew that Burt loved their times in front of the TV watching sports and engaging in it together. Burt had never wanted any other son than Kurt, but it didn't take him long to admit that when Kurt had grown up and shown more interest in tea parties than baseball he had been slightly disappointed. He had loved the hours he and Kurt had spent together on Kurt teaching him to cook or bake, but he had still longed to take him to a football game instead.

"Oh… anything you wanna talk about?" Burt asked a little awkward, as Burt does it best.

It had been hard for Blaine to get used to having a male in his life that actually was interested in him and actually meant it when he said that he wanted to listen if he needed it. Sometimes Blaine played with the thought of calling him dad, but then he remembered that it would only make it even more real that Kurt was his brother and he quickly pushed the idea away.

"No, I'm just… I guess I'm just affected by the season changes. I'm tired and stuff," Blaine shrugged, but he knew that it wouldn't be so easy to convince Burt. The man had an impressive talent of sensing when something was up.

"Alright. Listen - I know I'm not your real dad, and this whole thing can't have been all sunshine for you. You're a teenager, and with your being gay and your… situation, life hasn't exactly been in your odds to begin with," Burt started, his fatherly tone on.

Blaine felt a chill run down his spine. Sometimes he forgot that Burt knew about his different anatomy because no one talked about it. It wasn't taboo, it simply wasn't reason for conversation in any way. And Kurt didn't know. If Kurt had known he would never be able to look him in the eyes again.

Every now and then Blaine had a breakdown. Like when they had the mandatory sex-ed class in school and he was forced to sit through boys not only talking about their own perfectly normal and healthy genitalia but furthermore their jokes about him not having the right ones because of his sexuality. Sure, no one knew how spot on they were in their mocking, but that definitely didn't make it any less painful. So Blaine would call his mom to his room when she came home and he would cry in her arms and tell her about how emasculated he felt and how he would never find someone who could love him because he was an abnormal freak.

"Add to that, your dad wasn't exactly understanding so your mom ended up with me. I may not be into all of that… clothes and what not you boys like. But I'm still a man - like you. So if you ever feel like you have anything you wanna talk about, or any questions, you can come to me, Blaine. Because to me you are just as much my son as Kurt is," Burt tried explaining.

For a moment Blaine nearly threw his arms around him. It wasn't like he didn't know that; Burt had said it before and he appreciated it, but every time Blaine couldn't help feeling overwhelmed that despite Burt not being his biological father and not having any true obligation to care about him he still did. And to hear someone refer to him as male made his inside swell and tears press.

"Thanks. I… thank you," Blaine stammered out. He never knew what to say in those situations. At first, after he and his mom had just moved in with Kurt and his dad, when Burt had tried talking to him one-on-one he had been close to scared. He was only a kid and he didn't know when he was allowed to speak or not. At one time Blaine had accidentally called Burt "sir" even though he had struggled to hold it in. Burt had laughed and told him to feel free to use his first name.

"Okay. Good, kid. As long as you know that just because your ol' man isn't here it doesn't mean you won't have any dad to talk to," Burt sighed and turned back to the door to leave.

Right when he had opened the door he stopped. He pushed the door closed again and turned back to Blaine who was sitting on the bed.

"This… this thing with you - being a little down and stuff lately… Is that a - is that something about boys?"

_I wish your son was in love with me the way that I'm in love with him,_ Blaine's brain raced off track.

"No it's just… I think I need more vitamins or something," Blaine tried and knew that a statement like that wouldn't mean much to a man like Burt Hummel.

"Okay. Cool. Cause… I'm not really sure I'm the right to have that discussion with. That would probably be better to talk to your mom about. Or Kurt - you should discuss your hypothetical boy problems with Kurt. He can relate to it and stuff," he said.

Blaine wanted to disappear. He feared that his face had burst into flames. How could Burt be so spot on? He definitely wasn't planning on talking to either his mom or Kurt about his current heartache.

"Thanks, but I'm good. There's not really -"

"That's fine. Just suggesting. Don't lock yourself away for the rest of your life. We're starting to worry about you," Burt closed patiently and left the room.

Fuck. He hadn't convinced him in the slightest. Burt knew something was bugging him deeper than just lack of vitamins and sunlight. Being alone with Kurt had made him hypersensitive to the troubles of gay boys.

If only Blaine's problem hadn't been so inappropriate and horrifying he would probably have felt safe. But with the conditions of life it only made him more uneasy - not to mention feel guilty.


	5. Daring

The next few days only got worse. Blaine forced himself to join the family for meals to not trouble his mom too much, but he stayed in his room besides that. In school he stuck to Tina - he liked Tina a lot; she was cool and funny, and she had amazing timing and sense for when to poke to something or when to leave it alone.

Sunday and Monday Kurt asked Blaine to join him for coffee or TV. He asked him if he wanted to do homework with him, or simply gossip about the newest girl on the Cheerios who looked like she had transferred from a gang territory.

Blaine declined. Politely as always, but short and honestly a bit cold. It was awful and Kurt felt lonely. He realized how used he had gotten to Blaine being there all the time. Over the two years their parents had been together Kurt had grown adjusted to Blaine being the closest friend he had - he was actually the closest friend he had ever had.

And now Kurt was all alone and he had no idea why. He was getting depressed himself. He missed laughing over nothing and talking about school or their friends or unimportant stuff.

So Thursday Kurt had had enough. He hadn't seen Blaine all week. No one in the Hummel-Anderson house had. Only at meals and there he kept quiet and was only eating a little - Kurt suspected that he only even ate to keep his mom from fussing out. Which she did anyway as soon as he left the table. In glee club and school Blaine kept to himself or hung out with Tina, and often it seemed like he did his best to stay away from Kurt.

Blaine didn't know if Kurt was still texting lively with Chandler. He thought he had seen him absorbed in his phone over lunch at school, or when he snuck glances at him in glee club he would see him stealing looks at his phone. He had no intentions on asking him about the nature of their relationship.

He had heard him telling Mercedes and Sugar that he was having coffee with a friend after school the day before and Blaine had nearly thrown up from the speed his stomach turned over with. Kurt was having a date.

It was 7.30 Thursday night and Blaine was considering to already go to bed because he didn't see a point in staying awake. He had nothing to do and with all the time he had spent in his room lately he had already finished the book he was reading for English class, plus his history class project.

When there was a knock on the door he considered pretending he was already asleep. He just wanted the day to be over. He had forced himself to get a grip of and allowed himself to make plans with Tina during the weekend. She had asked him to go with her to a dance show Mike had and he had agreed. He knew she was sensing that he needed some time out and he was glad that she would be his friend without forcing him to talk about what was troubling him.

The knocking got louder and before Blaine could react the door was furiously opened. Kurt marched in and shut the door behind him. At first he just stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed over his chest, but suddenly he snapped out of it and walked over to sit next to Blaine on the bed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, and Blaine was so shocked he dropped his book.

Kurt's lips were pursed and his eyes were narrowed. He was staring down Blaine, not letting him look away and the concern mixed with stress was filling his face and his entire posture.

"What are you talking about?" Blaine asked, knowing it was useless to play dumb because Kurt had x-ray eyes and would see right through him with a snap of his fingers.

"Don't do that, Blaine. I know something is up with you. You've been absent from everything for nearly a week now. I don't even recognize you," Kurt protested, his voice now soft and just as worried as his eyes were.

"There's nothing wrong. I'm just tired, and I - am lacking vitamins these days," he lied, well aware what Kurt's response would be, and sure enough he rolled his eyes.

"Vitamins? Blaine, please. You eat more fruits and vegetables than anyone I know, and you're completely addicted to that vitamin-water you get at the gym. Admittedly not so much lately, because you haven't left your room and hardly eat anything at all…"

Kurt was starting to look frustrated. He seemed like he could either break down and scream or get up and throw things around any second now.

It was stupid, but Blaine felt guilty. He hated seeing Kurt troubled that way, and even more did he hate that he was the reason for his troubles. He simply couldn't win.

"Don't worry about me, Kurt. I just need some time and I'll be fine," Blaine tried lying, but it only helped so much.

Kurt narrowed his eyes and before Blaine had time to flee Kurt's hand was closed around his on the bed.

"Blaine, is this… do you like someone? Is that what this is about?" Kurt asked insecurely, not sure he was allowed to move in on that territory.

When he and Blaine had talked about guys before they had only ever discussed who on TV was hot and who wasn't, or if they had seen a cute guy at the mall. That was all. They had never grazed the subject of their interest in anyone in the slightest. In Kurt's opinion Blaine was young and had all the time in the world to flirt and date.

Blaine stiffened in his spot. Not only was Kurt holding his hand, he was also moving in the direction of the flaming house known as Blaine's heartache. Because of him.

"Blaine, if this is about a guy - if there's someone you like who doesn't like you back you could have talked to me. I know how it feels. I thought we were sort of friends… isn't that what being brothers is about? To be there for each other," Kurt said softly.

"But I don't want you to be my brother!" Blaine snapped and immediately felt his face burst into flames.

He pulled his hand away from Kurt's and jumped to his feet, desperate to get away from him. He had screwed up, he had screwed up really bad.

"Excuse me?" Kurt asked sharply with a raised eyebrow. Confusion and pain welled in over his face and it shot a pang of guilt directly to Blaine's veins. How was he ever going to fix this?

"You don't want me to be your brother? So - all this time you've just tolerated me, hung out with me to please our parents?" Kurt asked and now he was filled with pain oozing through his voice and from his entire body.

"That's not what I meant! I love it when we hang out. I can't imagine my life without you. I just…"

"What, Blaine? You don't want me as your brother, but you like hanging out with me - you're kind of sending me mixed signals here!" Kurt hissed and got to his feet as well.

It felt like they were getting ready for a fight. Kurt was standing at one end of the room with arms crossed over his chest and acid running from his eyes and tongue. Blaine was standing in front of him at the other end with trembling hands and guilt filling every fiber of his being.

"I like you, Kurt!" Blaine spat and knew that he shouldn't have, but he couldn't help himself. At least he wasn't crying - yet. He was close enough and it was hard to fight against the more worked up he got.

"That wasn't exactly helping. You know what - forget I even tried talking to you. If you are confused about yourself I don't how to help you. I have a Skype-date with Chandler -"

"Don't be with Chandler!" Blaine begged and now he was so close to crying that he could feel it in his voice and his eyes had started stinging.

"What? Blaine, you don't have any right to -"

"Be with me instead. I hate Chandler!" Blaine burst out.

It was like his brain and mouth weren't working together anymore, like some sort of important wire had been cut. He didn't know what was happening, but it was bad - he tried telling himself to stop, but tears were rolling down his face and his mouth just wouldn't stop.

"What? All of this crazy thing with you being depressed has just been because you don't like Chandler? You only met him once - Blaine, you can't dictate who I can and cannot talk to - even if this is some weird protective-brother-thing, though I'm not really sure since apparently you don't wanna be br… you need to explain this to me, cause I'm really confused," Kurt said.

Blaine wanted to hide. He couldn't figure out if Kurt was mad or hurt or disappointed -all he showed was confusion.

"Kurt, I can't stand Chandler. I can't stand what he does to you, I can't stand the way he texts you all the time - I mean_ god_, doesn't he have anything better to do?! And the way you giggle and sit with your phone in your face all the time. And how you're constantly smiling over him - I just can't stand it!" Blaine let out.

"So you like me, but you don' want me to be happy?"

"I want to be the one to make you happy, and giggly, and send you texts all the time -" Blaine said and didn't care that he was nearly sobbing now.

"What? Blaine - I'm not sure I understand what you're -"

"I _like _you, Kurt! I have for… ages. Remember when our parents tried to get us to know each other and - I think it was the second time we met - you told me that you were really happy that I seemed so mature and not like some kid with bad attitude and bad skin. And then you said that you liked my style and my - that's when it started, and it's only been growing since, and I'm sorry. This is so inappropriate and I never wanted you to know because I'm a freak who has feelings for my brother and you can just… go tell our parents so they can send me away to be locked up," Blaine cried and turned around with his face hidden in his hands.

He couldn't face Kurt. Not now that he knew everything. In some way Blaine felt like he had just had a boulder removed from his chest, but it also felt like his heart had crumpled up and turned to dust. If this wasn't hell he had no idea what could be.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. He let himself be turned around, waiting for the feeling of a slap - it was bound to come after his revelation as a monster.

But it never came. His hands were gently removed from his face and Kurt was staring at him with big, piercing blues and a soft smile on his lips that Blaine couldn't interpret.

"Step-brother, Blaine. We're only step-brothers," Kurt smiled and cupped Blaine's face tenderly - and kissed him.

Kurt's lips were against his, moving softly. His thumb was caressing over Blaine's cheekbone and it felt like time stopped and nothing but them was present.

Kurt was soft and gentle. His lips were as sweet as his face and he tasted like mint. He moved skillfully and careful, possibly knowing that Blaine had never kissed anyone before.

Kurt wasn't sure what he was doing. He could feel a tingling sensation in his entire body and butterflies were floating around his veins. He was kissing his step-brother, but it didn't feel wrong or dirty; it felt incredible.

Blaine was insecure and the lack of action from him made it hard for Kurt to know how to show him how much he meant it. He didn't want Blaine to think that it was just from pity, because it wasn't. Blaine's lips were even softer and better than he had imagined when he had watched him sleep a few weeks ago, he never wanted to let them move away.

"And don't ever call yourself a freak again. Because you are not a freak – you're extraordinary. I will never let anyone send you away!" Kurt said firmly with his eyes locked on Blaine as ended the kiss.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked baffled when he pulled away from Kurt, his face shocked and his cheeks still glistening from the tear-trains over his skin.

"Blaine. I… I honestly don't know. I guess I'm just trying to tell you that I like you too," Kurt stammered.

He felt like his brain had curled up to fetal position and was in total cramp. He had no idea what he was doing and he had no idea how to explain to Blaine what was going on inside him.

"I - Blaine, I never liked Chandler. I like the way he makes me feel, I like the feeling of someone liking me… but I could never like him the way he wants me to like him. Honestly, most of the time he annoys me because he's so clingy, and when I laugh at his texts… it's because they're so stupid. Blaine, he's just a joke to me," Kurt sighed and hoped it made more sense to Blaine than it did when it came from his mouth.

"Really? Are you sure? Because - I can take it," Blaine stammered. If possible he was even more insecure now. He couldn't wrap his mind around what was going on, and even less what it all meant. It didn't exactly make it easier that he could still feel the taste of Kurt on his lips and now all he could think about was getting it back.

"Blaine, I think I've liked you for quite a while now - but I only just realized it now, because I found out how it feels when you aren't around. I missed you so much when you didn't talk to me. It hurt so bad that you rejected me, and I was so frustrated and worried and I just… wanted you to be happy again," Kurt blabbered out.

He felt defeated and hopeless that he couldn't be sure if Blaine believed him, and he wouldn't blame him if he didn't, because why would he? It was all so warped up and he didn't even know himself what was happening.

"Then - what do you wanna do now?" Blaine asked. He wasn't sure if he could look at Kurt yet. The touch of Kurt's lips against his had transformed into a burning print and he was afraid that if he let loose of his self-control for just a moment he would seek for more.

"I don't know. I mean… we're - our parents are married. Being gay in Ohio is hard enough as it is but… I don't know. What do you wanna do?" Kurt stammered and started fumbling with his hands.

"Kurt. I really just wanna be with you. That's all I've ever wanted - since I met you," Blaine sighed and looked out of the window.

It was dark outside. The only people in the street was a couple walking their dog and a shine from the street lamp was sharp and yellow over the sidewalk. The lawn looked black from the lack of light and it was so cloudy that not even the moon could be seen on the sky.

"Blaine, you're only just turned 15. I'm moving to New York in less than a year. I don't - I've never had a boyfriend, and I don't wanna use you as a… test drive," Kurt said apologetically and it was like something snapped in Blaine's head.

The age difference. Kurt moving to New York. That was what he had kept telling himself as an excuse for why it would never work between them - but if Kurt wanted him too, why would age even matter?

"I never had a boyfriend either. If you wanna be with me we can make it work. I know that I'm - practically just a baby compared to you. You're so grown up and experienced, and I've never done anything in life, but - we can figure something out. I can visit you in New York. I was gonna do that anyway, if you'd let me," Blaine tried, determined not to give up.

He knew that he sounded desperate but he really didn't care. He _was _desperate. If there was a chance that he could be with Kurt he was not planning on letting anything come in the way of that.

To Blaine's great surprise a smile formed on Kurt's face. His eyes lit up and his cheeks turned a little rosy.

"If I wanted to kiss you again would you let me?" He asked.

"Yes. Always," Blaine agreed breathlessly and accepted Kurt flinging himself into his arms and his mouth crashing against Blaine's own.

This time Blaine might still be insecure but he let himself just as much into the kiss as Kurt did. Kurt was relieved to feel Blaine let go off himself and work his mouth with his, the experience making everything inside of Kurt simmer and boil.

This time Blaine was nervous. Before he didn't even stand a chance to think it over, but now he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he had never kissed anyone before. He wanted to let his hands wander freely around Kurt's torso, to feel that it was real and not just a dream - but he was afraid it would be pushing it too far.

"So - what do we do now?" Kurt asked with a smile that looked like he couldn't turn it off even if he tried.

"I uhm… I don't think it would be the best decision to tell our parents that we… kissed," Blaine shrugged.

In reality he wanted to scream it all over town, over the state - over the world. But he knew that Kurt was right; it was hard enough to be gay. To tell people that they made out with their brother wouldn't exactly make it better.

"Blaine - you can say that we are boyfriends. If you want us to be," Kurt said and Blaine was completely caught off guard.

"You have no idea how much I want that. Thank you, Kurt -" Blaine said thickly, and looked awkwardly down in the floor. He had no idea what to do about himself now.

He had a boyfriend. Kurt was his boyfriend. He was Kurt's boyfriend, now. Everything he had wanted for the past two years was reality now. What had made him so sad and turned his insides to an aching knot some days, and other days made him feel like he was floating had turned into something that couldn't anything but make him only dance and sing.

"Well... does this mean you'll stop being depressed? And sit next to me at glee club tomorrow?" Kurt asked. He wanted to take a step closer to Blaine, but he wasn't sure Blaine was quite there yet – ready for the physical closeness. Especially if he was still upset over the thing with Chandler.

"Yeah. I mean – I can't really be depressed now. So I guess we'll drive to school together tomorrow as always?" Blaine replied. A smile was playing on his lips, but he was afraid that if he did anything drastic like move his feet he would collapse.

_What do I do now? Do I kiss him before I leave? Do I hug him? Or maybe I should stay. Oh god, this is probably the most awkward moment of my life_, Kurt thought.

"So – were you busy when I sort of... barged in on you? Sorry about that, by the way," he said and wondered what he and Blaine could do together if Blaine wasn't busy. He wanted to spend the evening with him, he missed him after not having seen him for so long, but would they be able to act like normal now?

"Not really. I was considering just going to bed, actually -" Blaine shrugged.

For a brief moment he imagined Kurt suggesting that he stayed to sleep next to Blaine over the night, but he quickly pushed the thought away. It wasn't exactly something that was likely to happen considering they had only just got together. _Kurt is my boyfriend, I am Kurt's boyfriend._

"Oh. Are you tired? Cause I can leave now. I have some homework anyway," Kurt hurried to say and turned to head for the door.

"Can't they wait? I – I mean... do you wanna – I don't know, watch a movie or something?" Blaine asked in panic. He couldn't let him go so early. He wanted to take advantage of now being able to kiss and feel Kurt the way he had always wanted to do it. He couldn't let something as stupid as sleep or homework get in the way of that.

Kurt bit his lower lip and couldn't stop a smile from filling his face. He took a step closer to Blaine and let his fingers fall into place with his before meeting his eyes.

"Screw homework. Let's be together instead."

This time it was Blaine. He simply couldn't contain himself. Kurt didn't even get to finish his sentence before Blaine's face was attached to his, their lips moving in unison and his hands cupping around Kurt's cheeks. Kurt's hands ran around his back and pulled him a little closer so they were now chest-to-chest.

"Okay. Let's just... find a movie -"

_Not gonna watch much of it anyway_, Kurt thought, but kept a smile on his face without saying anything.

They both crawled onto the bed, but sat the way they used to. Before. Like nothing had changed – except everything had changed between them now. Still, it really hadn't.

Blaine turned on the TV and simply started the DVD already in the machine. _Gilmore Girls_. Of course. That was Kurt and Blaine's go-to-show when the world sucked around them, or when they were in an exceptionally good spirit. It was the show that had an episode for every occasion.

The episode started and they were both silent. The tension between them was thick, but nether moved or said a word. They kept their eyes locked on the screen with their hands lying on the bedspread so close they could feel the other's presence but not enough to touch. In short terms; it was painful.

"Blaine, I... do you wanna sit closer?" Kurt suddenly asked.

When Blaine dared to shoot him a glance from the corner of his eye he was still watching the TV and for a moment Blaine considered if he had only imagined him asking the question. He thought about it for a while, but challenged himself and dared to close his hand around Kurt's on the bed. Kurt immediately squeezed back.

Kurt shuffled a little closer on the mattress and shot a look up at Blaine from under his long eyelashes as he rested his head on his shoulder. Blaine squeezed his hand a little tighter, and let his temple rest against Kurt's head as they continued to watch the show.

It wasn't until after a few episodes that either of them talked. Kurt had to go to the bathroom, so he left and Blaine stayed on the bed with his heart throbbing and his face burning.

When Kurt came back he noticed how late it was. Rationally he knew that they should be going to bed. They both had a lot of classes the next day, and then they had family dinner so they couldn't just go home and sleep after glee club.

Without even knowing what he was doing Kurt was back on the bed and let his hand run over Blaine's arm before he kissed him. This time soft and sweet. It was cute and lingering. Blaine happily let Kurt's tongue enter his mouth so they could softly gently dance together, with Blaine's hand running up Kurt's arm, over his shoulder and up to cup around his neck.

That was the rest of the evening. They didn't even notice the disc ending and the menu repeating itself over and over again as they stayed with their arms wrapped around each other and their lips moving together.

"I guess we better discuss... us. What we're doing?" Kurt said once they both needed oxygen and relaxation in their jaws. Their locked their fingers between them and their eyes as well.

"I don't know. I just – wanna be with you. Then nothing else matters to me, really," Blaine said truthfully, afraid Kurt wouldn't find that enough.

"I wanna be with you too, but Blaine – we need to really consider this carefully. We can't let our parents or our friends know. It could hurt so many people if someone found out. My dad's entire political career would be trashed, and would never be considered as a serious attorney ever again – even less considered for that position as judge she really wants. And... you're so young, Blaine. You barely just turned 15 and I'm nearly an adult. Please don't think it's because I'm ashamed to say that I'm with you it's just -" Kurt blabbered out, panic spreading in his eyes.

"Shhh... I know, I know. It's really not the best situation we could create for ourselves. If I could choose I would – tell the whole world about us. But what's important is that we're together, no matter who knows or not -" Blaine sighed heavyhearted.

He really did wanted to scream it from a mountain top. Broadcast it all over town. Make a plane fly around with a sign telling the news – but he knew that as much as it pained him Kurt was right.

"You're so sensible. Thank you," Kurt breathed relieved and brushed his thumb over Blaine's.

"Can we please agree that it's not going to be weird? I mean... we have to pretend in public. But – we can still be like we used to, right? I missed you so much, Blaine. This week has been hell without you. Most days I didn't even feel like getting up. And if we go to being some of those people who doesn't even talk or anything... I don't want that to happen," Kurt said.

He knew that it was early to break down already, but he figured that if they were going to be together they needed to put it all down as early as possible, before either of them went into the relationship with different wishes and hopes. He wanted Blaine to know all he feared.

"I don't want that either. Just because you're my... boyfriend – I really need to get used to that thought – it doesn't mean you can't be my best friend anymore. We can still shop and have movie-nights. I don't wanna be without that for anything. As long as I get to hold your hand and kiss you, now."

He was so shy to look Kurt in the eyes while actually saying those words, but on the other hand he didn't want to risk missing a single reaction from him, so he forced himself to keep up the eyecontact and wait for a response.

"Blaine – yes. This means that now we can do all the things we've always done together, but sitting more comfortable. With each other. I will not miss a chance to kiss you or hold your hand whenever I can," Kurt smiled.

"This is gonna be tough," Blaine said and played with Kurt's fingers in his. He couldn't stop smiling when the thought that it was like their fingers were made to fit each other welled in over him.

"We live together. Our parents are hardly ever home these days, and when they are we can just be in our rooms. It doesn't have to be any harder than we want it to be. It's gonna be fine, sweetie," Kurt cooed.

"I guess you're right. Let's just take it one day at a time and see how it all goes. It's Christmas break soon and we'll have a lot of time alone then," Blaine smiled, hoping Kurt would believe him to really think it would be that easy. He was still nervous though.

"Yeah. Let's see how it goes. I'm afraid I'll have to go to bed now. But we'll see each other tomorrow, right?" Kurt said and slumped a little further down the bed before getting himself together to sit up.

"Yes we will. Now go to bed so I can sleep and see you sooner," Blaine grinned and followed Kurt's lead in sitting up.

"And Blaine – go downstairs and say goodnight to your mom. She's really worried about you. We all were. But our parents still are. I don't think she would dig in the reason of why you have been so... distant, lately, as long as you just go and let her know you're alright," Kurt requested. He really was concerned and Blaine could see that he meant it.

"I will. I promise," he agreed and got to his feet.

When they were both standing up they stopped in front of the door. Usually they would just get out in the hallway and race each other downstairs, but now neither of them even dared turning the doorknob.

"Goodnight. How about I'll text you when I'm in bed?" Kurt suggested.

Blaine nodded in agreement and Kurt closed the distance between them to press one last kiss of the night to his lips. For a moment Blaine was just about to lock his arms around Kurt and refuse to let go, but he knew that probably wouldn't be a smart move so he let go and accepted as Kurt moved away and opened the door to disappear down the hall.

His footsteps slowly turned quiet and Blaine heard his door open and close again after him. As soon as he knew Kurt was gone he forced his best pokerface on and went downstairs. His mom and Burt were both surprised to see him, but didn't ask any questions other than if he was feeling better.

He apologized for having been so distant and made up an excuse about having been stressed out about school, but having talked a bit to Kurt and having taken a few days to clear his head he was feeling much better. He wasn't sure if they believed him, but he didn't care. It was all the explanation he had to offer them.

When he was lying in his bed he felt all the feelings from the night take over his body. He was crying with a smile on his face as he hugged his pillow tightly and sniffed in the scent of Kurt – his boyfriend.

He had only just closed his eyes when a text popped up on his display and he rushed to read it.

**Kurt:** "I'm really happy you aren't sad anymore. Now that you're my boyfriend I won't let you be sad ever again. Goodnight xxxx"

Kurt felt like his inside were about to explode. He had been lying in his bed and played the events of the night in his head over and over again, but it seemed like he still couldn't comprehend just exactly what had happened between him and Blaine.

He remembered how soft and luscious Blaine's lips had been against his, how strong his hand felt in his and how good it had felt to be wrapped in his arms on the bed. He knew that Blaine was years younger than him, and he had always pictured himself with someone older than himself – but Blaine was so mature and whenever they were talking Kurt never thought of him as younger. Yet, he promised himself that he couldn't forget anymore. He needed to be respectful about Blaine's age, but he still needed there to be some boundaries. For his own sake.

He sent Blaine a quick goodnight-text and turned on his side so he could go to sleep, only to be interrupted by a text coming back.

**Blaine:** "I'm happy with you. I could never be sad when I'm with you. Goodnight, boyfriend xxxx"


	6. Real Life

When the alarm on his phone rang Friday morning Blaine wasn't sure he dared opening his eyes to face the day. He had a terrible fear that it all had been a dream, but by some miracle he could still feel the burning of Kurt's skin against his own.

To make sure he wasn't imagining things he challenged himself and checked his messages. There he found a cute goodnight-text from Kurt. Boyfriend. That was exactly the word he had been hoping to find.

With that he rushed out of bed and hurried to shower and make himself presentable. It was sort of ridiculous, since he and Kurt had seen each other every morning for the past year, but this morning he was extra nervous to make sure he looked good. Or at least decent.

Kurt was getting crazy. He had nothing to wear. His closet was one, huge black hole and it held nothing that made him look anywhere close to presentable.

_It's silly. Blaine knows how I look. We've spent almost every day together for two years. I just don't want him to think I look like an idiot._

He sighed heavily and took one last search for gold before he ended on gray jeans, army button down and a fluffy gray sweater with matching tie. At least his hair was somewhat cooperative this morning.

He took a last spin, drew a deep breath and opened the door; their first day as secret boyfriends was about to begin!

When Blaine entered the kitchen Kurt was already there. He was just on his way to throw his arms around him when he noticed his mom sitting at the table. With heavy heart and a curse for his mom Blaine staggered towards the counter Kurt was preparing his breakfast. Blaine grabbed for the coffee pot when he felt Kurt's hand graze over his arm lightly, shooting a wave of heat through his entire skin organ.

"Will you get me a cup too?" Kurt asked sweetly as Blaine started pouring coffee into his mug. He turned his head and was met by a pair of bright, blue eyes staring directly into his. He smiled at Kurt who returned the gesture before he offered the mug to Kurt who lightly brushed his fingers over Blaine's as he accepted it. Kurt turned and took his plate and coffee to sit at the table.

Blaine had to remind himself that he couldn't just stare at Kurt when he walked away like that – not with his mom sitting right there. He snapped himself out of the trance and started preparing his own food before sitting down to eat in silence.

The whole situation seemed like a farce. A play where no one was allowed to speak, and only sound effects in the form of tinkling from cutlery, thumps from porcelain put to the table and awkward "_sorry_" when they both reached for the juice.

Much to Kurt's dismay Susan didn't leave before he had to. He had hoped so because he was itching to have his lips back against Blaine's as quickly as possible – but apparently he would have to wait or they would be late for school.

He disappeared upstairs to brush his teeth and grab his coat and bag before heading for the garage door so he could heat up the car before Blaine was ready. Usually he had to wait in the car for a few minutes before Blaine was there, but this morning he appeared only a moment after Kurt had turned on the engine.

Blaine got into the passenger seat and let his bag drop to the floor. He wasn't really sure what was allowed since they technically still were at home, but they were also outside the house.

"Hey there," Kurt said softly and looked at him, his head resting against the neck rest and the corners of his mouth lightly twitching upwards.

_God he's gorgeous. And mine. All of that is mine now. I can have all of it, because I'm allowed to and wow -_

Blaine didn't get any further in his stream of thoughts though because he was interrupted by Kurt's hand gently on his thigh and his mouth softly on his. He immediately fell into the taste of mint toothpaste and the scent of Kurt filling up his head.

"Hi. Morning," Blaine said shyly as Kurt moved back to his own seat.

Kurt grinned widely at him and pressed the button on his keys to open the garage door behind them.

"Are you ready? First day – sort of," Kurt asked under his breath.

Blaine said yes before he stopped himself and reach in to kiss Kurt one more time, making sure no one would see them now the door was open.

"Now I am – sort of," he smiled and let joy fill him as he noticed the red that was taking over Kurt's usually pale skin.

Kurt started the car and backed it out to the street. The ride to school wasn't much different than usual Friday mornings. They were listening to the radio and casually chatting about what they were doing in glee club. Blaine told Kurt that he had plans with Tina the next day and Kurt was happy to hear that he was going out to be with people.

When Kurt stopped the car in the school parking lot they stared nervously at each other.

"So... now we're doing this. Just a few hours and we'll be together," Kurt smiled and put his fingers tips against Blaine's thigh on the edge of the seat.

Blaine looked down on the way Kurt's fingertips were brushing over the jeans covering his thigh and let his hand down to lock around it.

"Yeah. Like 14 hours," Blaine chuckled and smiled at how quickly Kurt let his fingers fall into place with his.

"No, silly. I was planning on stealing you when we come home later. Then we can at least have an hour or something before we have to get ready for family time," Kurt said and rolled his eyes.

Blaine couldn't stop staring at his lips. They were shiny from his lip smackers and a a delicious red color that was screaming Blaine to attack them. He remembered how good it had felt the night before to have Kurt's lips frequently pressed against his own for nearly two hours and he had to put in all of his force to stop himself from not moving close to search for the feeling.

"I like that plan. Will you text me later?" He wasn't sure if Kurt would find him weird to ask him to do that, but he had a feeling that if Kurt was to text him the day would definitely be much easier to go through, especially with the promise of having an hour alone with Kurt in... 8 hours or so.

"Sure. As long as you won't be distracted from your classes," Kurt grinned and squeezed his hand before pulling his own away so he could get out of the car.

**xXx**

Seeing Blaine walk by in the halls, or standing by his locker, or talking to Tina made Kurt smile extremely wide all day. He found that it was like he was looking at Blaine in a whole new light. He noticed the way he walked, the way he shifted his weight between his feet when he talked to people and the way he squeezed his lips tightly together when he was concentrating to remember what he was looking for in his locker.

However, he wasn't prepared for the task it was to sit next to Blaine during lunch. Their friends were happy that Blaine was back to joining them at their table as always, making Kurt have to stop himself from blushing when comments like "_good to see you together_" came up. The real problem, though, was that he couldn't simply let his hand into Blaine's and he couldn't just kiss his cheek – and he couldn't just kiss him.

Blaine was seated in the middle of the room in glee club and had to watch Kurt and Rachel sing a cute duet together. He constantly searched for Kurt's eyes, but whenever their eyes met Kurt hurried to look away and Blaine had a feeling he was afraid to mess up his lines. He was completely mesmerized by his appearance and when the song ended he felt like jumping to his feet.

When Mr. Schue complimented Kurt's vocal Blaine felt pride swell in his chest and hurried to send him a text saying "_you were amazing_" before returning his attention to Mercedes on the floor.

**Kurt:** "Thank you. It was hard not to look at you. I kept forgetting the words."

**Blaine:** "No one noticed. You did perfect."

When glee club was over Blaine was ready to run to the car so he could be alone with Kurt, but to his horror Kurt was held back. Mercedes and Quinn were cornering him, asking him dozens of questions on stuff for Mercedes party the next weekend.

Blaine waited faithfully for ten minutes in the door until they were finished. Poor Kurt tried getting out of it, and all he could think about was how much he just wanted to go home to not miss any of his time with Blaine before the family dinner, but whenever he mentioned that he had to leave and that Blaine was waiting they kept making up new questions.

When they were back home Kurt asked Blaine to come to his room when he had dropped off his bag in his own, and Blaine hurried to make sure he didn't look like a train-wreck. He splashed water in his face and nearly ran towards Kurt's room.

"I thought they were never going to shut up," Kurt sighed when Blaine closed the door behind him.

"It's fine. We're here now, aren't we?" Blaine said shyly and walked towards the bed where Kurt was sitting.

"I'm just really exhausted. Wanna... cuddle on the bed?" Kurt asked and he couldn't help let his eyes dart to the pillows, already feeling excited about Blaine coming to lie with him.

"Sure. We could do that -" Blaine smiled and walked over to join Kurt on the bed.

His knees only touched the bedspread before Kurt had pressed his mouth onto Blaine's. Blaine nearly choked, but quickly let his hands find their way onto Kurt's back, and slowly let them fall onto the bed together, not leaving each others lips for a second.

"I've wanted to do that all day," Kurt said when they drifted apart. He ran a finger down Blaine's cheekbone and watched as the corners of his mouth searched upwards from the admission.

"Me too. Leaving you alone now is harder than it was before," Blaine said and wondered where the limits for touching Kurt was. He really just wanted to feel him everywhere.

"Oh – you had a hard time leaving me alone before?" Kurt said and raised his left eyebrow with an amused smirk.

"Yeah. I told you – I've been crazy about you forever. All I ever thought about when I saw you was doing this -" Blaine revealed and kissed him again.

"I wish you would have. You're good at it," Kurt chuckled and let his hand run down Blaine's arm and under it to hold around his waist.

Blaine's cheeks were flaming but he didn't care, because Kurt thought he was a good kisser, and couldn't the entire room really be on fire around him as long as he was allowed to be close with Kurt like this?

They didn't say anymore. They snuggled close and as Kurt folded both of his arms around Blaine they were completely close. Kurt let his nose into Blaine's hair, and Blaine quickly figured out that he loved lying with his face buried in the crook of Kurt's neck.

All was quiet, and nothing mattered but the fact that they were together.

**xXx**

Family dinner wasn't a big deal. Kurt did his best to not touch Blaine in any way; brush his hand when reaching for the water, bump his knees against his when shifting in his chair, or even catching his eye when they were in the living room for coffee. He was simply nervous he wouldn't have the self-control to keep his hands to himself.

Their parents seemed like they were keeping an eye on Blaine, making sure to search that he wasn't just pretending to be okay, but as the evening slowly continued with Kurt and Blaine seeming to talk and no troubles showed they relaxed and let it drift away.

"Our parents are out tomorrow. Wanna do something?" Kurt asked and ran a finger down Blaine's chest when they were standing in the hall between their rooms to say goodnight. Blaine was squeezing his lips tight together, the knowledge that Kurt's lips were so close to his but it would be too risky to kiss him when their parents could come up the stairs was painful.

"I can't. I promised to go out with Tina, remember?" Suddenly Blaine regretted that he had started to make friends. Who really needed friends when they had an amazing boyfriend, anyway?

"Oh yeah. Booh. Do you know when you'll be home then?" Kurt sighed and did his best to avoid his disappointment shining too strongly through. He didn't want Blaine to feel bad about going out. As far as Kurt could remember this was the first time Blaine had even gone out to be with a friend without it being official glee club business, or without Kurt.

"Around dinner, I guess. We didn't talk about that. I can tell her that I have a da... plans with you," Blaine said and nearly giggled when he stopped himself from saying that they had a date. A date. With Kurt.

"It's fine. Just... we can text, and see what happens. I'll spend the day arranging my scarves," Kurt smiled.

To Blaine's surprise Kurt leaned in and pressed his lips lightly against Blaine's before he said goodnight and turned to go to his room. Blaine stayed in the dimmed light and watched as Kurt walked down the hall and closed the door after him with a warm smile in Blaine's direction.

**xXx**

"You seem like you completely forgot that you've been so sad for the past week. What happened?" Tina said as she and Blaine found their seats at the front row at the show Mike was dancing in.

"Nothing... I was just tired, and now I'm not anymore," Blaine shrugged, but a grin was tickling to fill his face.

That was the good thing about Tina. She smiled at him in a "_I am really not convinced_"-way, but leaned back and didn't poke anymore into the subject. They discussed a duet they had thought about doing in glee club, and Tina told him her ideas for their costumes for sectionals.

**Kurt: **"I hope you're having fun. I miss your smile."

When Blaine saw the text he nearly fell off his chair. He stared at it for over a minute to make sure he was seeing right and that his eyes weren't just fooling him. No, Kurt had really sent him that cute text.

**Blaine:** "It would be a lot more fun if you were here. I miss your lips too."

_Fuck!_

**Blaine:** "Smile! I miss your smile too!"

**Kurt:** "I miss your lips too (:"

_Oh my god, that was awkward, and stupid and... god he's so perfect!_

"Who are you texting with that makes you so giddy?" Tina said and leaned in to have a look at the display.

Blaine panicked and rushed to lock his phone and shove it into his pocket, not caring how shocked Tina was staring at him.

"Oh god, do you have a boyfriend? And you didn't tell us!" Tina beamed, searching Blaine's face for information about this new theory of hers. She poked the tip of her index fingers into his thigh, grinning broadly with light in her eyes.

"I... I do not have a boyfriend," Blaine said as firmly as he could, but felt like the words were thick and cloggy in his throat.

_If only I could just tell her. She would be happy for us. She wouldn't find it weird. Tina loves Kurt, she wants us to be happy – I am happy to be with Kurt, and Kurt is happy to be with me. She would be happy._

"No, I don't have a boyfriend," Blaine said, this time forcing himself to be a little lighter. He knew that he had screwed up in being so harsh before – now she would definitely know that he had someone, and while Tina wasn't one to pry she would surely be thinking it over a lot.

"I uhm... I think I'm gonna take off. I have plans later and I wanna shower first. Is it okay?" Blaine said after the show ended and they were waiting for Mike to wrap up with his team-mates so he could join them.

"Plans with your boyfriend?" She teased.

"Plans with Kurt," Blaine sighed, and was happy to tell himself that he wasn't exactly lying this time.

"It's okay. I'll see you Monday, alright?"

"Thanks. Tell Mike I said hi – and... it's really nothing. I'm just in a good mood these days," Blaine tried one last time, hoping he could get her to drop it.

He was simply nervous that she was going to give it so much thought that she subconsciously would pay extra attention to him, and find small signs of him being with someone – potentially she would find that someone to be Kurt, and he couldn't have that happen.

**xXx**

The next week continued the same way. They got up in the morning, tried to avoid each other's eyes at breakfast to make sure they could keep their hands off each other in front of their parents. They went to school and sent each other longing looks in the hallways or in glee club, texting each other in classes or if one of them had a solo. When they were off school they would go about their business as usual, doing their homework, Kurt shopping with his girlfriends, Blaine going to the gym and sometimes both of them would help Burt in the tire shop.

They spent a lot less time in the living room and a lot more time in each other's room these days. Their parents didn't comment on it, but they could feel that they had noticed. When they were at dinner and Kurt would say "_I'm gonna go to my room. Wanna come, Blaine?_" or Blaine would say "_I'll go to my room and watch a movie_" followed by Kurt saying "_I'll go with you_" their parents would send each other looks they couldn't interpret, but it mostly seemed like a "_teenagers these days_"-glance.

As soon as they were behind the safe, closed doors of their bedrooms they were over each other with kisses and "_I missed you_" and "_it's so hard not to kiss you all the time_".

And it really was. It was painful to see Mike and Tina or Finn and Rachel or Brittany and Santana hold hands and kiss and be cute together in school. All they could do was send each other looks that said more than they would ever be able to in words in public, or send each other a text with promises of kisses and closeness later in the evening.

When Friday came they spent ten minutes in the car in the garage on kissing and holding hands before they agreed that they had better get going to not be late. For a moment Blaine nearly asked if they couldn't just ditch and stay home, because he knew they would only get an hour to be together after school, and after dinner they wouldn't be able to be together because Kurt had to get up early.

Mercedes had been nice enough to announce that her party was a Halloween party and no one would be allowed inside if they weren't in costumes so Kurt would spent the entire Saturday with Susan getting the last thing he needed for his costume and putting it all together – and in the evening at the party they would evidently not be able to be together, because all of their friends would be there.

So Friday night, after dinner and coffee and being the good sons in the form of socializing with their parents they excused themselves and went upstairs. The second they were on the second floor and their parents could still be heard in the living room Blaine pulled Kurt closer to kiss him as long and deeply as he hadn't been able to all day.

"I couldn't let you go to bed without..." Blaine said shyly, apologizing for the ambush.

"Thank you. I didn't want to go to bed with kissing you," Kurt whispered and kissed him back. They squeezed each other's hands, wished each other a goodnight and had to leave for their own room.

_One day I'll sleep in his bed instead of saying goodnight in the hall_, Blaine thought as he turned off the light and tried recalling the feeling of Kurt's lips against his as the last thing before sleeping.


	7. The Equation Of Relations

Saturday was dragging away slowly. Blaine got up around 9 to watch cartoons in his pajamas on the couch with cereal and bed hair. Kurt was going out with Blaine's mom and Kurt had told him to do whatever he felt like as long as he was ready for dress rehearsal at 4.30 – so that was Blaine's plan.

"You have no idea how cute you look right now," Kurt's voice sounded whispering into his ear, and Blaine nearly jumped from the shock. He hadn't heard him come into the living room since he was very absorbed in an episode of Teen Titans.

"Good morning. I didn't hear you," Blaine mumbled through cereal and moved discretely a little closer when Kurt sat down next to him.

Kurt's head was spinning. He had never thought he would be one to find this appearance attractive in any way, but the way Blaine was sitting in his Batman t-shirt and matching pajama bottoms, his untidy hair and a bowl of cereal in his hands he looked so relaxed and casual – like there were no worries in thew world except for the choice between apple or orange juice.

Kurt surprised both of them by taking a quick look around himself before leaning in to place a quick kiss on Blaine's lips. When he backed away Blaine looked as shocked as he felt himself.

"Kurt. My mom can be here any minute now," Blaine said confounded, but his cheeks were flushed and a grin was taking up his entire face.

"I know. I just couldn't go through an entire day without – doing that," Kurt said and slipped his fingers over Blaine's before slowly getting up.

"I have to go now. We can text. I hope I'll be home early," Kurt sighed and ran his fingers lightly over Blaine's jaw.

"Mhm. I hope you have fun. Let me know if I should fear from my costume," Blaine smiled and twisted his head to kiss Kurt's fingers before he waved for him to go – he was pretty sure that if he didn't he would lock Kurt up in his room so all he could do all day was kissing him.

Blaine watched Kurt leave the room and returned his attention to the screen. He was pretty sure the feeling of everything dancing inside of him didn't have the slightest to do with the cereal or his food the night before.

When there weren't anymore good cartoons on TV Blaine got himself off the couch and up to pack his bag. Since he didn't have anything else to do he had planned to go to the gym. He felt skinny and thought he looked like a little kid, and after all the bullying he had been through he and his mom had decided it to be a good plan for him to begin at a gym so he felt like he could defend himself if needed.

He had now been going for a few months but he still didn't feel any different. His mom was encouraging him and offered to go with him. She even paid trainers to work out a program for him. She knew how bad his self-esteem was and she was desperate to help him feel better about himself. Sometimes Blaine suspected that she feared that he didn't feel like a boy – occasionally he didn't feel like he deserved to identify as a boy, but usually he didn't think much about it.

When he came home after two hours at the gym he was exhausted. He showered and put on his most relaxing clothes before he fell to his bed and got ready to take a nap. He let the sound of the wind outside his window calm him down and he allowed himself to go to sleep.

**xXx**

When Kurt had found all he needed Susan took him for lunch at a cafe. They chatted about Kurt's costume and how Blaine was going to react when he found out what his was.

Sometimes Kurt found it hard that he was feeling so comfortable about Susan, because he missed his mom terribly and rationally he knew that it wasn't like that; but he couldn't help feel a tinge of guilt for getting so great along with the woman who had taken his mom's place. But then he reminded himself that he really wanted his dad to be happy and he knew that his mom would too.

"Kurt, do you think you could promise me something? Or at least... think about it," Susan asked when they had finished eating and were waiting for their coffee.

"I can't really promise anything before I know the details – but I can listen and make up my mind when I know what it's about," he smiled and tilted his head in curiosity.

"It's just that – ever since you planned on going to New York I've had this weird feeling in my stomach. I am so happy for you and I know you're gonna make it good – you're so talented and I am so proud of you, honey. But I can't help worry about Blaine," she said and accepted the coffee a waiter put on the table in front of her.

Kurt accepted his own cup with a rash feeling in his throat. He had done all he could to push away the thought of having to leave Blaine behind. As much as New York was his dream Blaine meant so much to him.

"I'm afraid it's gonna be really hard on him. You're his best friend, Kurt – I've never seen him so open and comfortable with anyone. All I'm asking is that... you don't forget him or push him away. I know you'll be busy, but just a text or an email, or if you have time a call, once a week would really be a big deal to him. Please just think about it," she requested.

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. He will be alright – I've just never seen him so comfortable in his own skin as when you two are together. The confidence he gets is remarkable, I really think that just hearing from you every now and then would keep his spirit up."

Kurt was shocked. He knew that Blaine had some self-esteem problems and he had also noticed that he loosened up a great deal when the two of them were together, especially when they were alone, but he hadn't considered what it would mean for Blaine that he was moving.

"I uhm – I could never just leave him like that. He's my best friend, too. I've already planned to ask him to visit me for a weekend as soon as I'm settled down," Kurt said, hopefully comforting and assuring.

Every now and then he felt like Susan and his dad worried a little bit too much about Blaine. There was still so much Kurt didn't know about when they had left Blaine's dad, but he hadn't really found the right time to ask – he was pretty sure he would be told that he wouldn't get an answer right now, and he didn't want to make Blaine feel like he was pressuring him into telling him.

"Good. I'm really glad to hear that. I still don't know why he was so down last week. He usually tells me everything, but I guess I have to face that he's not my little boy anymore. Who knows, maybe he'll start flirting and get boyfriends and... I'm just really worried about him, but I'm glad you two are working out so great."

Susan sighed and took a mouthful of coffee. Kurt watched her and felt his intestines shake like had there been an earthquake. He was searching for words but all were gone.

"Well, he's still young and innocent – lots of time for him to grow up first," Kurt said. He tried to smile comforting but his voice was weak and his hands clammy.

**xXx**

"Rise and shine, handsome -"

Blaine turned to lie on his back when Kurt's voice trilled into his ear. He fell directly into Kurt's arms as he turned around and felt overwhelmed by the way his nose was pressed into Kurt's chest.

"Blaine, it's 1.30 – you can't be sleeping when we have a party to get ready for. Wake up," Kurt cooed and put a kiss to Blaine's temple as it was begging to be loved right in front of his face.

Blaine slid his hand onto Kurt's back and arched his neck to kiss his neck. That exposed strain of skin was just perfect.

He was still nervous about where the lines between the dos and don'ts were between them but when they were like this he could go on for hours of just kissing Kurt.

"Mhm, I need you to come try on your costume to see if I need to change anything before it's too late," Kurt mumbled and slid down the bed so he was eye-level with Blaine.

He smiled and ran his fingers through the soft curls before he leaned in to press his lips against Blaine's. He couldn't stop himself, he really just looked so cute and adorable lying there with dozy eyes and a soft smile.

The feeling of Kurt's lips against Blaine's was sensational. He didn't mean for it, but slowly the kiss grew deeper and it was like there was a different force to the working of their lips.

When Kurt carefully coaxed Blaine's mouth open to slip his tongue in to tease lightly at Blaine's, he could feel Kurt smile, and suddenly he was very conscious about his vagina.

It was like it was screaming for attention. He could feel a warmth run from his mouth, via his veins through his body and down to settle between his legs. He had been wet before, and he had even done a bit research about female genitalia to know about his own body – but this was different; this felt like a _need_ settling itself in his lower body.

He pulled away from the kiss, determined to stop before it became too much. He couldn't let himself feel like that because of Kurt – because Kurt was gay, and when Kurt thought of sex he would undoubtedly be taking it as his own genitalia plus other male genitalia minus female genitalia equals sex – which meant that Blaine was completely out of the equation.

"Hey," Kurt smiled and watched Blaine find back to his senses. He really did wish that they could stay on Blaine's bed and kiss all day instead, but he was really excited about this party and Mercedes was too – and there was no way he was letting these costumes go to waste.

It was painful to get up because Blaine needed Kurt back to his mouth so bad, but he was not ready to have his hips accidentally rut against Kurt, which could easily be the result if they continued.

**xXx**

"Wow. Don't you two look handsome," Mercedes beamed when they entered the hall of her house.

The voices of the other glee club members were streaming from the living room down the hall; Rachel's voice was naturally the loudest. They hung up their coats and Kurt turned to take another look at his masterpiece that was Blaine in his costume.

He had put together a light-blue suit for himself. It had taken him all week to glue rhinestones in different sizes all over the suit, but he was pretty satisfied with the result. The suit was matched up with a white dress-shirt and a blue silk tie matching the rest. Blaine was dressed in black slacks with a white dress-shirt with red and gold pins and details on. Kurt had spent an hour straightening his hair so he could style it in an Elvis kind of fashion. To Kurt Blaine looked perfect.

"I'm not really sure what you're supposed to be, but good job -" Mercedes grinned as she closed the door behind them and started leading the towards the party.

"Come on, Mercedes! We're Cinderella – or in this case Cinderfella – and Prince Charming. Know your Disney, girl!" Kurt lectured her an tugged at his tie to show off the glass pump he had decorated at the bottom.

Mercedes, who was dressed as something that could very well be Count Dracula, looked to Blaine and rolled her eyes teasingly but all Blaine had eyes for was Kurt.

When they entered the living room it looked like everyone had already arrived. To Kurt's satisfaction it seemed like everyone had really upped their game this year and he was excited to check out the details of everyone's outfits.

To no one's surprise Santana had gone for Catwoman in a tight, black spandex suit with ears and tail. Tina and Mike had gone with Harlequin mimes, while Sam had chosen construction worker – for some reason bare-chested. Artie had figured it to be a great idea to dress as a hip-hopper. Brittany had been clever enough to dress as a mermaid and now she couldn't move anywhere without taking super tiny steps. Quinn was a Victorian doll, while Rachel had dressed as a ballerina. Finn hadn't had anymore inspiration than to dress as a football player while Puck had found it hilarious for him to be a stripper-cop – which meant open police shirt and suspenders dangling around his ass.

They all took a moment to greet each other and admire people's outfits before they went for dinner. It was all nice and everyone talked – even Blaine felt relaxed and was having a good time as he discussed dance-movies with Mike over desert.

What was hard was the fact that Kurt was there, right next to him. He looked so gorgeous with a hint of silver glitter strolling like stardust from his temple to lightly spread under his eye, and the way he let the tip of his eye, and the way he let the tip of his tongue peek out to lick up the spot of ice cream he had left on his lower lip. It was all too much and Blaine wasn't sure how he was supposed to survive the night.

"How about we get the good stuff out now?" Mercedes trilled after the table was cleaned and everyone had moved to the living room.

They were all sitting around talking to people about what-not, except for Brittany who was still struggling to get to the chair close by, so Puck got to his feet and threw her over his shoulder to put her on the couch instead.

Blaine was on the couch, talking to Quinn while Kurt was sharing an armchair with Rachel. He was currently struggling to get tulle from Rachel's skirt out of his face before he would drown in it. Everyone cheered when Mercedes mentioned "the good stuff" because everyone was well aware that it was code for alcohol, and it didn't take Puck long to help her fill the dining room table with colored bottles and plastic cups.

The party slowly drifted into people dancing and singing and talking. Kurt was forced to the floor by Mercedes and Tina because apparently he just had to dance to this Madonna tune, so he shook his shoulders and rolled his hips gracefully against the girls, all three of them laughing.

Blaine was still talking to Quinn, though he had sort of lost thread of the conversation because Kurt kept sending him stolen glances from the dance floor, making Blaine's cheeks flame and his hands twitch to grab around Kurt's.

Ten minutes later they nearly crashed into each other by the dining room table. Kurt's face was flushed from dancing and his eyes were emphasized by the huge grin on his lips. Blaine's eyes kept drifting to his mouth, weighing whether it was possible to find a place they could be alone, but knowing that it would still be too risky.

"You uhm – you looked pretty good out there," Blaine murmured shyly, feeling how much he still felt awkward when he weren't just alone with Kurt.

"Thanks. I felt like I looked like a monkey with flees," Kurt giggled and purposely reached for the cups at the same time as Blaine, anything to feel his skin even if it was just for a short moment of time.

_I miss you_, he mouthed at Blaine, his lips forming the words slow and clearly, sure to let Blaine know that he meant it. He took a quick glance to make sure no one was watching and let his thumb brush over Blaine's before their hands parted.

"There's more soda in the fridge if you want some," Kurt smiled as he grabbed for a Red Bull in the midst of vodka and beer bottles. Kurt didn't drink alcohol; he had a bad experience with it during his sophomore year and ever since he had kept away from the stuff.

"No, I... think I'll do with one of these," Blaine said and grabbed a bottle of raspberry vodka before taking a Red Bull as well.

Kurt was surprised. He knew that since Blaine was 12 it was normal of his parents to let him have a glass of wine for dinner during weekends or on special occasions – but that was always one glass, nothing too much. Now Blaine was mixing extreme amounts of caffeine and sugar with alcohol which Kurt was certain he had read somewhere to be of dangerous effects and it wasn't exactly like Blaine was too big and broad to leave him with much resistance.

"Blaine, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I read somewhere that some girl was put in the hospital after mixing that," Kurt said nervously, eyes trained on the empty can and the bottle next to Blaine.

"Who's in the hospital?" Tina asked as she joined them, and Kurt had to drop his secret speech of not wanting to take his boyfriend to the hospital.

"No one's going to the hospital. I'll just drop it and we'll have fun – right, Kurt?" Blaine said and looked at Kurt with those huge, puppy eyes that had Kurt's knee-caps pulverize in seconds.

"Big brother doesn't wanna let you have fun?" Puck's voice sounded and suddenly his arm was around Blaine's neck, shooting a judgmental glance in Kurt's direction.

"It's not like that," Blaine objected. He didn't want the others to think Kurt was a prude, or that Kurt tried deciding for him or any of those things – no, if he could have, he would have told everyone that Kurt was the most amazing guy in the world and that he was only trying to look out for him.

However, it didn't go as such. Before Blaine could have any further objections Puck had clinked his cup against Blaine's and was watching him intensely, waiting for him to drink up.

If there was one person Blaine found intimidating it was Puck. He knew perfectly well that Puck was a good guy and that most of the troubles he got himself into was somewhat accidental – but he was also nearly twice as broad as Blaine and a great deal taller as well, not to mention the eyes he sent people he was really angry at.

So Blaine sent Kurt an apologetic gaze and brought the cup to his mouth. It was the first time he tasted alcohol that wasn't wine. At first he nearly choked from the sweetness, but as he could feel Puck's eyes on him he forced the rest of the drink down, finding that he actually enjoyed the fruit-syrup-like taste.

"Boy can drink like a man" Puck declared and let Blaine receive his very first Noah Puckerman high-five, much to Kurt's dismay as he was watching with worry painted all across his pale face.

"It's fine, Kurt. I'm not planning on getting drunk or anything," Blaine sighed, hoping his eyes would be enough to calm Kurt down since his hands and lips weren't allowed too close to Kurt's.

"You can get drunk all you want. Hummel has the keys so I don't see any problem in that," Puck grinned and started leading Blaine towards the hall where a few of the others were talking and laughing.

_It's not so bad. Blaine is responsible and mature. He probably won't even get foggy_, Kurt said to himself before he took his own cup and went back to the living room where Rachel and Mercedes were in a loud discussion about Britney vs. Christina.

**Kurt:** "Where are you? I haven't seen your face for a long time xxxx"

It was around an hour since Blaine had left with Puck. All of the guys, and Santana, were gone and Kurt was back in the living room with the girls.

He kept checking his phone to see if Blaine had replied, but nothing showed. He wasn't sure what exactly it was but something in the back of his mind told him that he should keep his eyes and ears extra open.

It only took further ten minutes before the missing guests were back to the living room. Everyone seemed to still have their moods high, some a little more than others, everyone clutching a beer in their hand – everyone including Blaine.

Blaine felt light-headed but not in a bad way. For the first time he actually felt like he was falling into the group of the boys of the glee club and he was honestly having a good time. Puck had dragged him to the basement where Mercedes' dad had his man-room of pool table and old weapons on display. After digging around in cabinets Puck even found some dirty magazines.

At first Blaine had been ready to run for the hills. Puck, Artie and Sam were sitting in a corner of the leather couch discussing the pictures in the magazines with loud comments on the female anatomy.

"I bet Blaine doesn't even know what a V-V looks like," Artie chuckled.

It was only a tease, Blaine knew that – Artie would never be mean on purpose. Under normal circumstances Blaine would probably not even care; but with the secret of Blaine's body there never were any normal circumstances.

"He's probably gonna scream and run away if he ever sees one. Scared it's an alien or something," Sam laughed and continued to flip through the pages of the magazine in his hands.

Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He squeezed his legs tight together, suddenly way too aware of the presence – or the lack of presence – in his pants, a burning screaming at him.

_Is that how Kurt feels? Would it make him scream and blabber about aliens? He'll never want to touch me in a sexual way. If he finds out what I am he'll never want to touch me in any way at all_, Blaine thought. He hadn't really thought of Kurt in sexual lanes before, but right now he couldn't stop thinking that Kurt would never be sexual with him.

Without knowing it Blaine had grabbed for a beer. When he finally had the bottle away from his mouth it was nearly empty. He just needed something to distract him from the talk of vaginas and gays holding no interest in those who had them.

"Hey Blaine, wanna shoot some pool?" Mike suddenly asked – like he had been sent from heaven, like he knew that Blaine was close to having a mental breakdown and needed to be saved.

So Blaine spent an hour playing pool with Mike and Santana, the other guys gathering around to watch, and since pool was the only thing Blaine's father had ever bothered to teach him he did pretty good and eventually they celebrated him as a hero for winning over everyone else. All was forgotten.

Now they were back with the rest of the party and Blaine couldn't help himself from seeking out Kurt. He grabbed his hand and was pleased that Kurt followed him to stand up, and before Kurt could protest in any way they were on the dance floor.

"Dance with me," Blaine requested and let his hands slide onto Kurt's back. He knew that he was getting a bit too close for the public eye, but it had been so long since he had felt Kurt and everyone else were busy with their own stuff.

"Blaine, we can't here. Not when everyone is right next to us," Kurt hissed under his breath and felt his pulse rise as his eyes flickered about the room to see if everyone was looking at them.

His lips were tingling to be pressed against Blaine's that were looking so moist and full, but he couldn't help seeing how his eyes were glassy and hazed. He was drunk and Kurt needed to make sure he didn't cross the line in front of their friends.

"Please, Kurt – just one song," Blaine whined clumsily and grabbed Kurt's hips to pull him closer, feeling Kurt's body thump against his. He dug his fingers a little deeper into the shirt, into the flesh underneath and nearly lost balance as the scent of Kurt overwhelmed him.

The whole room was spinning and he couldn't see straight. For a moment he tripped and Kurt had to catch him before he fell to the floor. He rested his head against Kurt's chest and locked his hands around his shoulders in an attempt of keeping himself on his feet.

"Blaine! How much did you drink? Oh god, come on – I'll help you cool down," Kurt said and sighed as he started helping Blaine towards the bathroom.

Kurt made him sit on the toilet before he turned back to see Blaine resting his forehead against the cold, blue tiles of the wall. His eyes were closed and a dopey smile was filling his face.

Kurt went for the sink and let the water run cold before he emptied his cup and filled it with fresh, cold water. He sat on his knees in front of Blaine and ran a hand down his cheek to see Blaine's eyes dozily open to stare back at him.

"Here. Get some water and I'll take you home, sweetie -" Kurt said softly and handed Blaine the cup.

At first Blaine looked at the cup like it as poisonous. Why would Kurt give him water when they were at a party? After a few seconds he accepted the cup and put it to his mouth. He clumsily had to try a few times and felt the water sprinkle down his shirt before he finally hit right.

He poured down the contents of the cup, drinking it all up with the hope that it would make Kurt happy. However, he drank a little too fast and ended up coughing until he nearly fell off the toilet.

"I'm alright," he rasped out, his hands held in front of him like that would be enough to assure Kurt that he had the situation under control.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, scrutinizing his face and nearly giggled at how adorable he managed to look even though he was a mess.

"Blaine, you're drunk. Come here, I'll get you home to bed," Kurt sighed and stood up.

He went for the door but before he could react Blaine clumsily flipped him around and pressed their lips together. The kiss was so much more messy than what they usually did; tongues wet and sloppy, teeth clashing against each other and loud breathy moans from Blaine.

"Kurt, I'm sorry I'm not like the others. I – just don't hate me once... realize," Blaine stammered out and rested his cheek against Kurt's shoulder. He clenched hard around him and had to stop the tears threatening from out of the blue.

Suddenly it came in over him; the things the other boys had said. How gay guys were afraid of vaginas, how they found them gross and creepy, how they thought they were like aliens. He had only been with Kurt for a week, after having been head over heels for him for so long – but he already saw that they had an expiration date hanging over their heads, simply waiting for them to be intimate enough to make Kurt dump him.

"Hey – I like that you aren't like the others. You're so much more than them," Kurt cooed, sad that Blaine's self-esteem was still crawling on the ground when all Kurt wanted was to make him happy and love himself.

"You're perfect," Blaine said and looked up at him, and Kurt knew he couldn't help but smile gently.

It was time. He had to get Blaine home and to bed before he caused any damage to himself, anyone else or the furniture.

Kurt decided that it would be okay since Blaine was drunk, so he let his hand into Blaine's and started leading him out of the bathroom and down the hall. Blaine was walking so close to Kurt that he bumped into him with every other step, but all Kurt cared about was getting him out of there alive.

"Mhm... you smell so good. Will you kiss me? Kiss me, Kurt -" Blaine mumbled against his shoulder when they were nearly at the door to the living room.

"Blaine, shhh, you can't say stuff like that," Kurt warned him panicky and made them round the corner.

"I'm gonna take him home. Poor boy had a bit too much," Kurt said apologetically as he got the others' attention. Blaine was smiling dozy at them but all he could pay attention to was the feeling of Kurt's hand holding his hand in front of everyone.

"Aww. Sad-face. But you take care of him, and get home safe, boo." Mercedes kissed his cheek and grinned at Blaine as he was hanging tiredly against Kurt.

"Good night, everyone. And you, Puckerman, you're on my list for getting my bo... brother drunk!" Kurt snapped, relieved that he managed to save his tongue-slip before it was too late and he would have fucked everything up.

**xXx**

To Kurt's relief Blaine was asleep the entire drive home. He had complained enough about Kurt wanting him to stay in the backseat, but once he was finally there sleep hit him like a train.

It was a much harder task to get him up the stairs without waking up their parents. As much as it was against everything Kurt believed in he supposed he had better get Blaine to bed as quickly as possible and he could always brush his teeth in the morning.

"No, I'm not tired. Come here," Blaine mumbled as Kurt asked him to get ready to go to bed. He pulled him close and kissed him down his neck. He loved kissing Kurt's neck, he was so pure right there.

"Blaine, just get off your clothes and go to bed," Kurt demanded, honestly starting to get a little annoyed with him.

"Co-could you like... l-look away?" Blaine hiccuped as he realized Kurt wasn't planning on leaving his room until he was in bed and that meant he had to strip in front of him – and he would see.

"Okay -" Kurt said, a little confounded, but went to Blaine's closet. He found out a pajamas and put it on the bed before he sat down and looked to the door.

Blaine hurried, a little too much, to let his clothes fall to the floor so he awkwardly could drag on the pajamas. He was dizzy and nearly fell a few times, but he made it and started crawling onto the bed, forcefully pushing the bedspread behind him.

Kurt carefully turned around and found Blaine in his pajamas. He had the pants on backwards and the shirt was buttoned crookedly – even though he was drunk and completely away from anything rational Kurt thought he was the cutest thing in the world.

"Alright. Now go to sleep. You're gonna feel awful tomorrow," Kurt sighed and kissed his forehead with a smile. He pulled the covers closely around him and hoped it was enough for Blaine to not get cold during the night.

Without warning Blaine had wrapped the covers over Kurt as well and pulled him close to kiss him. The heat between his legs was burning stronger than ever and he just needed to react to it. He could feel the wet filling his insides and everything was throbbing.

Blaine moved his lips powerfully and to Kurt's surprise he let his hands drift onto Kurt's ass to take a firm grip. Kurt panicked and tried pushing Blaine away with his hands to his chest, but Blaine kept going and suddenly his crutch was rubbing against Kurt's.

"Blaine, stop! You need to sleep. I'm go to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow. Goodnight," Kurt said harshly, shocked and stressed that he had felt himself get aroused. It was not okay; Blaine was still just a kid.

He got to his feet and turned off the light, but when he was just about to open the door to go to his own room he stopped – Blaine was sniffling.

Now he had screwed up everything. Kurt had probably felt that there weren't anything there and he was going to leave him. The tears he had held back so many times over the night was filling his face now.

"Blaine... are you crying?" Kurt asked carefully as he turned around.

"Please don't leave me. Please Kurt..." he cried silently into his pillow, throat clogged up with fear and alcohol filling him up.

Kurt's hand dropped from the doorknob as he took a step back towards the bed. Even in the dark the tears were shining on Blaine's cheeks.

"I'm just gonna go to bed, Blaine. I'll be right down the hall and I'll see you in the morning, sweetie."

He felt bad for leaving him like that, when he was sad and crying even though he knew that it was only because he was drunk.

"Kurt... d-don't hate. Please. I can't take it if you hate me," Blaine sobbed and hit Kurt straight in the heart.

He hurried to the bed and sat down to kiss Blaine's cheek and find his hand in the mess that was sheets and pillows. He squeezed it as hard as he could and wiped his hand over Blaine's face.

"Now you're just being stupid. I could never hate you. You're way too cute to hate," Kurt cooed consoling, but Blaine's face continued to wet. Kurt sighed heavily as he could only see one thing left to do.

"Please, don't go. Please."

"Shhh... how about I got change and then I come back and stay with you until you're asleep?" He suggested and supposed he could stay awake a little longer. Once Blaine was calmed down it probably wouldn't take him anymore than a minute to go to sleep, anyway.

After a moment of silence Blaine nodded with a sniff and clenched Kurt's hand. Kurt kissed his cheek and smiled before he got to his feet.

There was no way he could go to his own room to get his pajamas now, because Blaine would surely panic if he got near the door, so he went for Blaine's closet. He knew that he definitely wouldn't fit into his pants, so he settled for a t-shirt. It was a little too small, so it was very slim around his torso but he could always change in his own room.

Kurt climbed into the bed and under the covers in nothing but Blaine's t-shirt and his underwear. He felt exposed and awkward, but he couldn't just leave Blaine like this.

"Hi. Are you better now?" He asked when Blaine sniffling looked at him.

Kurt folded his arm over Blaine's waist like when they were watching movies. Blaine nodded and moved closer to curl up with his one arm around Kurt and his forehead and free hand hidden against his chest.

"Thank you. You're the best... brotherfriend ever," Blaine said in a weak, thick voice. He felt pathetic, but he also felt safe in Kurt's arms.

"I'm not sure that's a word, but just – shhh, go to sleep and you'll be better in the morning," Kurt crooned, knowing Blaine would feel terrible in the morning, but let his hand drift consoling up and down Blaine's back.

"Mhm... I love you," Blaine mumbled and kissed his collarbone before Kurt could hear that his breathing drifted into a low snoring.

He didn't stop caressing Blaine's back, but he was pretty sure his heart stopped. Blaine had just told him that he loved him, and now he was asleep – he was drunk, but hadn't someone said that you get the truth from drunks? How was he supposed to react to that?

His heart was racing now, and Blaine was suddenly very heavy in his arms. He kept his hand running up and down, but mindlessly doing so. What was he supposed to say in the morning? Especially since he needed to explain to Blaine that they had to discuss the sexual aspects of their relationship, he couldn't let him just grab around him like that – Blaine had only just turned 15.


	8. Conversations

The sun was brutally intruding the room, violating his face and aggressively pulling him out of his sleep. All Blaine could feel was a throbbing headache and a silky layer of sweat covering his entire body.

He was lying on his stomach, the buttons from his pajamas digging into his ribs and the terrifying realization that he had no idea how he had ever gotten out of his costume and into his pajamas hit him. Even less could he remember coming up the stairs when they were back home.

Then it hit him why he was sweating so heavily. Someone was in his bed. Brown hair facing him, pale arms circling around the pillow he was using and a single, long pale leg had avoided the covers and was twisted around the sheets rather than hidden under them. His breathing was a low humming and his nose scrunched cutely up every now and then.

_Oh my god. What if Kurt saw me change? What if he saw? Please no!_

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, but when he tried getting up an aching hit his muscles and he decided that opening the window would have to wait. He was dizzy and his brain felt like his skull had shrunk over night, so he crawled back under the covers and turned his pillow with the cool side up before he coiled back up.

He tried going over the previous night, but mostly it was foggy or non-existent. He remembered coming to the party clearly and he remembered being in the basement with the guys. He remembered the way everything inside him turned when the others started talking about gay guys' reactions to female body parts – and then the next thing he remembered was sitting on the toilet with Kurt taking care of him.

"Blaine? Are you awake?" Kurt asked hazy. He turned his head and was faced with his boyfriend clasped down in his pillow, his eyebrows so distressed they had nearly grown together above his nose.

"Ugh, let me die," Blaine groaned and attempted to move, but the feeling was painful so he stayed where he was and forced his eyes open to meet Kurt's.

"Oh dear. Looks like someone is feeling the karma from last night," Kurt said, trying to avoid the giggles pressing to fall from his mouth. Blaine looked like he had the flu and hadn't slept for days.

"Please don't -" Blaine moaned and turned to lie on his back.

He felt terrible. Like his entire body was rioting against him, and every cell was trying to break free. To his luck he didn't feel nauseous but the terrible ache filling his body was more than enough by itself.

Kurt decided that it wouldn't do any good if he just stayed there, so he sat up - accompanied by weak whimpers from Blaine - and got to his feet.

"Are you leaving? I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine whimpered silently, panic filling him up from the news that Kurt apparently wasn't too satisfied with the turn of events the night before.

"Relax, Blaine. I'm just gonna open a window and get you some water. And food. You look like you could need it," Kurt said softly, wondering what Blaine could even recall from the party. Or after.

"Oh. Okay then," Blaine mumbled sheepishly back.

Kurt got the window open, the air streaming in biting cold, but clear and refreshing compared to the air in the room. He went to his own bedroom to pull on a pair of pajama pants and went to the kitchen.

"Morning. You two were home late last night. Did you guys have fun?" Susan asked.

His dad and Susan were sitting by the dining table with their breakfast, coffee and newspapers. Kurt sighed and sat down to rub his face in his hands.

"Yeah. Before I could do anything all the guys were gone and the next time I saw Blaine – let's just say he had enough," Kurt explained and started preparing a bagel for himself and one for Blaine.

It wasn't until he got up to get two glasses for juice that he noticed how worried their parents were looking as they sent each other glances.

"It's okay. I know that he's... not that old, but he handled it pretty well. All that was really was that he was a bit clumsy and had a few mood swings, but he didn't do anything other than have a good time. As sweet as ever, but with a few more emotions on his sleeve," Kurt told them, hoping it would be enough.

He already felt guilty. He shouldn't have let Blaine out of sight that way. He should have stayed with him and made sure he didn't get into something too Puck-influenced.

"I'm sorry. I blame Puckerman, really. He's the one who told Blaine that it was a good idea, and I took him home as soon as I realized he was tipsy," Kurt sighed.

"Well, at least he was with someone who took care of him," Blaine's mom said nervously.

Susan looked like she wasn't really convinced that it was all okay, but Kurt had a feeling that she wasn't blaming him for anything which was a relief. It still didn't release the concern on the adults' faces, though.

"I'm just gonna go upstairs with some water and food for him. He's really in a bad state, but I think he'll be better later," Kurt explained with a crooked smile meant to ease their minds and was glad to receive a grateful look from Blaine's mom.

When he came back into Blaine's room he was spread across the bed, his arms hugging the pillow under his head and the covers partially hiding his body. If he hadn't known that Blaine was feeling like a bullseye after gun-practice he would have crawled over him to hug him from behind as cute as he looked.

"Hey. I brought you breakfast and juice – and water," Kurt said, close to whispering because he didn't know if Blaine had fallen back asleep.

His hair had mostly escaped his usual gel and tips were sticking out here and there, looking like his hair was inhabited by bird's nests.

He groaned a little and turned his head to meet Kurt's eyes seeing that he had brought a tray of plates and glasses and a bottle of water. If he didn't have the best boyfriend in the world he didn't know who had – if Kurt was even his boyfriend anymore, depending on what he had seen.

Blaine forced himself to sit up and made room for Kurt who sat down next to him. Blaine emptied the bottle in one heave before he followed Kurt's example of digging into the food. They ate in silence and Blaine kept turning over in his head whether he should say something or hope Kurt would mention it if something had happened.

But Kurt didn't say anything. When they were finished eating and had emptied their glasses he put the tray to the floor and leaned back against the headboard. His eyes were searching Blaine's face, and Blaine mostly wanted to hide, because there was no way he could look like anything more attractive than an orc.

"So ehm... did I – I'm sorry I ruined everything for you last night," Blaine said awkwardly. He was doing his best to keep his eyes on Kurt's but it was just so damn hard because he felt guilty for being the reason that Kurt had to leave the party early, especially since Kurt had asked him not to drink.

To his surprise Kurt looked confounded. He stared at Blaine like he had fallen from the sky.

"What? You didn't ruin anything for me. Blaine, I had a good time. I was sad that I didn't get to see you more before you turned into a fumbling mess, but I really enjoyed myself," Kurt assured him truthfully.

Blaine felt his heart ease up, like it had been held in a cramp-like grip by a stone fist and was now released – but not entirely, because he still didn't know if Kurt had seen anything.

"You were cute and adorable – a little bit too handsy considering our friends were around us, but that's all. I really had a good time," Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand on the covers over them.

"Good. I'm still sorry though. I didn't... do anything embarrassing or say anything stupid, did I? Or like... flash myself or something?" Blaine asked, the knot in his throat threatening to explode and carve his entire body in two.

"No. You didn't. You wouldn't even let me look when you changed into your pajamas, so I haven't even seen your ankles naked," Kurt grinned and let his head fall back against the headboard, taking in the relief washing over Blaine like a tidal wave.

"Good," Blaine nodded and felt a bit of his headache disappear, but his body was still aching.

He moved a little closer to Kurt and wrapped his arm around his waist so he could kiss his collarbone before resting his head against his chest.

Kurt discretely slid further down the bed so he could fold his arms around the boy using him for pillow. He kissed his hair and nuzzled his nose into the dark curls. They both closed their eyes and let themselves sink into the feeling of lying close and being together as Kurt traced patterns over Blaine's back with his fingertips.

"Blaine, I – do you even remember anything at all from we came home last night?"

He needed to know. The words had been echoing in the back of his mind all morning, but he had no idea whether Blaine had actually meant them or if it was just typical teenage-drunk-talk. He couldn't let it slip away.

"Not really. I remember I nearly tripped and you dropped your keys on the kitchen tiles so you thought we were waking up our parents. Sorry about that," Blaine said, back to nervous if he had done something to even hint Kurt about the secret kept between his legs.

He squeezed his eyes hard and tried going over the night in his head for the hundredth time that morning. He went over every little detail that came across his mind, and he still couldn't see that he could have done or said anything when lightning struck – three small words.

Was that what Kurt was referring to?

"I – what do you mean?"

What was he supposed to do? Should he confess that he remembered, or should he pretend he was blank and had no idea what Kurt was thinking about.

"You were just drunk, it's fine -" Kurt said and kept stroking up and down Blaine's back.

The room went quiet and even though it was freezing neither of them closed the window, but dragged the covers over their shoulders instead.

With a long sigh from Kurt, making his chest rise and Blaine's head along with it, Blaine fell down to lie on the pillow next to Kurt instead. Kurt turned to lie on his side and smiled at Blaine, letting his fingers travel up his arm, over his neck and up to cup his cheek before he leaned in to press his lips against Blaine's.

When they backed away Kurt's sea green eyes were piercing into Blaine's and he smiled as Blaine's long eyelashes brushed over his skin when he blinked, causing Blaine to smile shyly back. He took a deep breath and let his thumb stroke over Blaine's cheek as he gathered the courage he needed.

"I love you – too."

It felt like time stopped. Blaine's hazel eyes widened and stared at him, the expression on his face completely unreadable and tensed.

But right as Kurt was about to hide his face in the sheets Blaine's eyes filled with stars and the corners of his mouth slowly crept up, making his cheeks seek for his eyes.

"I love you too."

Kurt's heart pace rose and his cheeks flushed before he let his hand drift onto the back of Blaine's neck so he could eagerly press his mouth against Blaine's. It was too good; he loved Blaine, and Blaine loved him – and that was all he needed.

Blaine's hand journeyed from Kurt's shoulder and down his arm, he let it down to Kurt's back and find place on his hip where he slowly let his fingers seek under the hem of his t-shirt. He didn't mean anything, he just needed to feel Kurt, just a little touch of that smooth perfect skin.

With that Kurt tensed up and let his hand drift back down to Blaine's shoulder so he could push him gently away, a stressed expression filling his face.

"Yeah, about that. I think we need to talk. Like I said; last night you turned a bit... handsy. More so when we were back here and alone and I – think we need to discuss some things here," Kurt said, not believing that he was actually about to have that conversation.

_Oh god. Does he want to talk about sex? Oh no, I am not ready for this. What if he wants to suggest us to do things. I can't... I want him so much but I can't – he'll freak out, _Blaine thought in panic.

Kurt watched as a thousand things he couldn't detect was rushing through Blaine's eyes, but he didn't say a word and Kurt had no idea how to get out what it was he wanted to say. Yet, he was the oldest and it was only a few months ago that Blaine was 14 – _fourteen years old_ – so it was his responsibility to make sure that this was done. That they had some clear ground rules for what was okay and what wasn't.

"Wow, this is gonna be awkward. But – well, I just thought that... I really don't wanna use this against you or anything, because I really don't care about that. Blaine, believe me when I say that your age really doesn't matter to me. I just think that maybe we should agree to... keep our hands above the waist. I just think that – you are so young, and you should have some time to be young before you – throw yourself into stuff like that. It's not because... you're so handsome and -" Kurt blabbered out, determined to let it all spill before he could stop himself, because he knew that if he stopped now he would surely never get back on track.

That was Blaine's biggest fear; that some day their age difference would come between them, and he knew that he would only ever want Kurt, so if the situation had been completely normal he wouldn't have cared less – but since the situation was nothing next to normal it was a relief for him to gain some extra time to work it out. In time he could always insist on him sticking to taking care of Kurt, and Kurt would never have to know about his malfunction.

"That's... that sounds like a good idea. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Blaine murmured, and felt his heart flutter from the thought of Kurt calling him handsome running around in his head.

"You didn't, Blaine. I just felt like we should... discuss this from the start before next time you're drunk and maybe you wanna do more and I don't want it to be like that. I just think that we should wait – we've only been together for a week, and we have so much time ahead of us," Kurt smiled, relieved that Blaine hadn't got upset.

Blaine let his hand up to rest on the middle of Kurt's back and moved back to kiss him. Kurt welcomed him in and let himself soak up the feeling of lying close with Blaine, well-knowing it wouldn't end in anything awkward and they could continue their morning in bed until they agreed that showering was a sure must.


	9. Only You

At the beginning it was easy. It was fun and endearing to have a secret of this caliber together. They kept sending each other texts in school, making out in the car before and after school when they were in the garage and no one would see them, and spent a lot of time in their rooms cuddling and holding each other while watching movies or taking naps or simply enjoying being together. Their parents seemed to be happy that their boys got along so well and found confide in each other, and the worry they had felt for Blaine didn't come off as pronounced as usual.

It was now the last day of school before the Christmas holidays and all they could think about was that when the bell rang they would be able to go home and spend almost every minute together – and since their parents were out of town until the next morning they wouldn't have to hide in their rooms.

Glee club was a painfully long session of Rachel singing Christmas classics while Finn praised her and everyone else rolled their eyes but clapped. Santana and Brittany had hijacked the room's mistletoe so they were busy sucking each other's faces in a corner while Tina and Mike were doing the same. Blaine couldn't help himself from staring at Kurt's lips – they were sitting next to each other and Kurt was so close that all he had to do was stretch a little to meet him – but no.

"What are you looking at?" Kurt asked teasing when he felt a stare and turned his head to find Blaine's locked on his face.

"Nothing. I – I must've zoned out for a minute," he muttered shyly, his cheeks flushing and his eyes rushing to look away.

Luckily the bell rang and they all wished each other a happy Christmas with hugs and smiles. Blaine and Kurt went to their lockers to make sure they had what they needed for the holidays. When Kurt was done he went to wait for Blaine by his own.

"Hey," he said softly with a smile.

"Hey," Blaine smiled back.

He rushed a little more in finishing up and soon he closed the door and found Kurt looking up, a suction spreading in his stomach when he saw the object of his attention.

"Mistletoe," Kurt smiled.

I could just kiss him now. There's no one around and it would just be quick. Why can't I just kiss him whenever I want to? This is stupid, Blaine thought but forced himself to hold back.

"As soon as we come home you're gonna think the whole house is covered in mistletoe," Blaine whispered and kissed his cheek before he turned to walk for the exit.

That promise alone was enough to make Kurt grin broadly and follow him down the hall, eager to get to his car so they could go home quickly. The metal on the soles of his combat boots echoed throughout the deserted hallways and as Kurt reached the door he let the smell of Christmas freedom fill him.

**xXx**

Home was nice and warm. They were curled up on the couch in pajama pants and sweaters with hot tea and a plate of Kurt's homemade Christmas cookies. Cartoons were rolling over the screen but neither of the boys paid it any attention – they were far too absorbed in each other to let anything from outside intervene.

Kurt's scent was intoxicating. Blaine's senses didn't stand a chance when they were close like this. It was like he was creeping under his skin to spread through his body and possess him with his being.

"Mhm, I love it when you kiss me there," Kurt giggled as Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt's neck.

Kurt was half lying, half sitting against a cushion pushed against the armrest of the couch with Blaine between his legs. Blaine started out by sitting up, resting his head against Kurt's chest, but as they slowly progressed into kissing instead of watching TV he twisted himself around and was now lying on his front against Kurt's belly.

"I love kissing you. There and everywhere else," Blaine mused and was happy that he had found a position where his pelvis wasn't pressed against Kurt. He appreciated their no-hands-down policy more and more each day, because as much as he loved being wrapped in Kurt's cuddles and kisses he was also a teenage boy, with teenage boy hormones and teenage boy drive.

"I was thinking... we could share bed tonight – if you want. Not like – I still think we should, you know, be tactful. But that one day after the party – I haven't been able to stop wondering how it would be to fall asleep with you and wake up with you again, without it being because of alcohol and when we can just – enjoy each other," Kurt suggested and worried his lower lip between his teeth.

It was true. When he went to bed at night he folded his arms and legs around his pillows and covers, closing his eyes and imagining it to be Blaine, and when he woke up in the morning he wanted to slide into Blaine's bed to hold around him and sneak under his arm, to seek for that closeness he loved so much when they were cuddling on their beds or the couch.

The suggestion came as a complete surprise to Blaine. He wanted it, he wanted it badly and he had wanted it for a long time. After they started being together it was like his sheets always smelled like Kurt, and it was heaven to be surrounded by that when he went to sleep at night – so to be curled up against the directly, warm source of that amazing scent could only make his sleep the best he had ever experienced.

"Yeah. I would love that. I like it when we take naps together, this would be good," Blaine smiled in agreement and put a peck to Kurt's lips.

The rest of the afternoon and the evening they stayed entangled in each other, hardly even bothering to get up for food or drinks, and the TV was only background noise as they stuck to kissing and talking about glee club and school and other random stuff that crossed their minds.

As the evening progressed and it slowly got late Kurt got up to go to the bathroom. Blaine curled up around the pillow they were using and smiled to himself by how amazing he was feeling, by how lucky he felt to be with Kurt despite everything that could be standing between them.

He twisted around and turned to lie on his back when he suddenly felt something. A vibrating. It wasn't his phone. His phone was lying on the table. It was Kurt's phone that was stuffed between the cushions of the sofa. _Must have fallen out of his pocket_, Blaine guessed and took the phone up to put it on the table.

He was just about to reach out to let it onto the coffee table next to his own when the display lit up again and something caught his eye. It was a text. Suddenly Blaine's stomach dropped and everything turned over inside him.

**Chandler:** "Hey hot stuff. Not coming online tonight? I miss your face."

_Oh god._ All blood vanished from Blaine's face and his eyes started stinging. He couldn't believe it. Kurt wasn't like that, he wouldn't do something like that to him. He had said that he didn't talk to Chandler anymore. He promised.

"Wanna go to bed, gorgeous?" Kurt mused and bent in over the backrest of the couch to press a kiss to Blaine's cheek from behind.

It didn't take him more than a second to figure out that something was wrong. Blaine didn't say anything, he was muted and all kind of communication was trapped in his throat.

"Blaine? What's wrong? What happened, honey?" Kurt asked and hurried around to sit down next to him. He let a soft hand find its way to Blaine's wrist but Blaine rapidly withdrew his hand to curl his arm around his aching stomach.

"Blaine, what -"

"I thought you didn't talk to Chandler anymore," he muttered sadly, his voice weak and trembling just as much as the blood in his veins.

"I don't. I haven't spoken to him for weeks. I mean, I -" Kurt said confused, but Blaine cut him off, not planning to hear anymore.

"Then why is he texting you. It wasn't because... the text just – it was just there, and I couldn't help seeing it. And... Kurt, I thought you loved me," Blaine blabbered out, his voice breaking and the tears unstoppable as they streamed down his cheeks.

He tried to get up, but Kurt held him down with hands on his knees. Kurt was pale himself and his head was swimming. He couldn't understand how Blaine could ever think that he would do anything like that.

He forced himself to grasp the situation and found the phone still in Blaine's hand. He flicked open the message and saw the words, piercing into his eyes and brain. All he wanted was for Chandler to leave him alone.

"Listen, Blaine – please hear me out, okay? I haven't talked to Chandler for ages. When we started being together I told him to leave me alone. He keeps texting me, and keeps writing me messages on Skype when I'm doing homework, but that's all that is – please believe me," Kurt rushed out, desperate and scared.

He could understand why Blaine was doubting him. Chandler's words weren't exactly making it easier for him to talk his own case, but all he was worried about was making Blaine understand that all he wanted was him and no one else.

"Blaine, see – I'm gonna do this," Kurt said and made a snap decision.

He went into his contacts and scrolled down to find Chandler's number where he pressed the button to call him up.

Blaine was starting to feel nauseous. He wanted to believe Kurt, and he couldn't see how Kurt would even have time to see someone else on the side since they were always together, and if they weren't Kurt was with Rachel.

"Hey – Chandler, listen... remember when I told you that I didn't think that we should talk?" Kurt said into the phone and Blaine could hear someone at the other end.

"Yeah, the thing is... I have a boyfriend. And I really love him, and I think you should just... delete my number. We're never gonna be together, because I have what I want, and I can never be with you the way you want. You're sweet, but not for me -" Kurt said, his lungs heavy and his heart galloping like a race horse.

"Mhm, you need to respect my boundaries here," he continued, his voice now firm.

Blaine could feel his tears still warm on his cheeks, but his insides were slowly starting to melt up. Because Kurt was doing this to be with him.

"Yeah – goodbye, Chandler. I hope life works out well for you," Kurt ended softly and hung up the phone.

He stared at his phone for a moment before he pressed the delete button on Chandler's number and slid the phone onto the coffee table in front of him and carefully turned to face Blaine next to him.

"I'm gonna delete him. From Skype too, from everything. I only wanna be with you -" he said nervously, not knowing what else he could do if this hadn't convinced Blaine.

"I love you. So much," Blaine cried and moved closer to Kurt who spread his arms for him.

He hated being scared. But he hated even more that a little voice in the back of his mind had kept whispering that maybe Kurt would be better of with Chandler, because as soon as he found out Blaine's secret he wouldn't want to be with him anyway.

"I love you too, Blaine. _No one_ but you," Kurt cooed and kissed his neck.

Blaine dried his tears off his cheeks and they silently agreed to close down TV and lights so they could clean up in the morning and slowly drift to bed.

At first it was a little strange. Usually when they napped together after school or over weekends they just curled up in their jeans and shirts under a blanket but on top of the bedspread. Now they were in their pajamas of thin fabrics about to lie close under the covers of Kurt's bed.

It made it a little bit easier that the room was dark around them, close to black with the snow creating a covering layer on the window so the yellow light from the street light didn't stand a chance to break through the light curtains.

"Thank you. For doing that. I didn't... you didn't have to cut him completely out, I just got scared," Blaine mumbled silently and let a finger trail down the pillow between them.

"It's okay. He was annoying, like a stalker. At first it was flattering, now it's just bordering on creepy – but Blaine, if that's what it takes to make sure you aren't scared, that you believe that I only wanna be with you, then that's what I'll do," Kurt smiled and put his hand over Blaine's to stop his nervous movements.

The touch made Blaine's heart stutter and twist. He couldn't stop the grin that covered his face, and let himself float in the feeling of how warm and soft Kurt's bed and sheets were compared to his own.

"Wanna make out?" He asked teasingly, but was met by a chuckle from his boyfriend.

"I always wanna make out with you," he responded and pressed his mouth onto Blaine's.

They should be sleeping. Kurt had plans with Rachel that they should do vocal practice at her house and go over songs they had to choose between for their NYADA auditions. They were going to record videos of themselves singing and dancing to send out with their applications and they already had long lists of songs to use, so they needed to pluck out the best.

But the boys didn't sleep. They lay close with hands running around backs and arms, tongues dancing and lips massaging against each other. It was hot and safe under the warm covers, and the scent of Kurt was everywhere just like the feeling of him was it.

Blaine's pulse was rising and he was sure that if he turned on the lights his face would be red from the heat. He couldn't help letting the feeling of Kurt's hands on his body, and the feeling of his own hands sliding around Kurt's body take over his head. Even through his satin pajamas Blaine could make out the curves and dents of Kurt's muscles and he couldn't stop imagining how they would look like if he would ever be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them uncovered.

It was new and at first he was a bit nervous, but after a little while Blaine simply had to squeeze his thighs together, from the heat that was pooling between his legs. Each stroke of Kurt's tongue, or a brush of his lips against the skin of his face had Blaine's head swim with a need to press his lower body closer to Kurt's.

Eventually their kisses slowed down and Blaine was grateful. He didn't have enough willpower over himself to suggest for them to sleep, but he knew that if they continued his need for Kurt's body would only grow stronger and that was a place he didn't want to go.

Kurt apologized, but said that he needed to sleep if he had to stand through an entire day with Rachel and Blaine knew that he would definitely need a moment to calm himself down. They shared a few innocent kisses and wrapped their arms around each other before whispering goodnight.

**xXx**

It was a complete accident. Honest to god, or Cary Grant, or whoever was in charge of the universe.

Blaine didn't know Kurt was home. He had only just come home from the gym himself and actually thought Kurt was still at Rachel's house since he had said that he would be there all day.

As Blaine figured he didn't have anything else to do he had decided to go to the gym. When he was at the gym he felt like he could completely lose himself and not worry about anything. As long as he changed from home it was all perfect.

He had forgot his sweater in Kurt's room when he got up in the morning, and since it was his favorite sweater he wanted to get it so he could wear it after having showered. It was fluffy and comfy and it was the best when he was strolling around the house.

When he entered the room he was in his own thoughts. He fumbled a little around with the stack of clothes on the stool by the closet but couldn't find it anywhere. Then he figured he'd check the chair by the desk - that's when he froze.

The door to Kurt's bathroom was slightly open - and Kurt was walking naked around in there. Kurt's pale silhouette disappeared for a moment and Blaine heard the water being turned on. He reckoned that he'd better hurry out while he was sure he wasn't going to get caught. He got to his feet and stopped - he could see Kurt in the mirror.

Kurt was standing under the stream of water, his hair clasping to his forehead where he brushed it away with the back of his hand. Blaine couldn't believe it and he knew that he should have left before he even noticed the open door, but he couldn't stop himself from walking closer to get a better look.

Now he had a slightly better view to everything. He watched as Kurt let his soaped up hand slide from his neck, over his shoulders and pecks, disappearing down his abdomens and down to his...

"_Fuck_," Blaine whispered to himself,

He couldn't believe what he was seeing, so not only was Kurt perfect with clothes on, but also without clothes. Sure, Blaine was a virgin; no one could ever want him, he was sure. He was a total freak. But that didn't mean he hadn't watched porn - he was a teenager after all. He had only watched amateur porn though, and not much of it.

The guys in those porns had seemed nearly terrifying. Blaine couldn't imagine to ever have anything that big inside of him. But now that he saw Kurt - those guys in the porns appeared close to ridiculous compared to Kurt.

Blaine was staring, but he couldn't tear his gaze away. All he saw was Kurt and his pink, flustered semi-hard cock that had to be at least 9 inches. He couldn't even imagine the size when he was hard.

Blaine's mouth went dry as he watched Kurt's hand lock around his shaft. He knew that he was only washing himself off, but it didn't make the sight any less arousing or the heat between Blaine's legs cool off. He squeezed his knees hard together and whimpered - he actually whimpered.

It was too much. He couldn't take it. Blaine hurried out of Kurt's room, only when he was in his own room did he fear that he had slammed the door a little too hard, but he couldn't think about that. All he could do was lie on his back on his bed and close his eyes to let the image he had just seen take over his inner eye. He was clenching his legs hard together, he could feel his nipples hard against the fabric of his shirt and he was _needing_ Kurt badly.

That night there was only one thing Blaine could think about; he had been so scared to have something so big as an average sized teenage boy penis entering him, but now he was aching for the feel of Kurt's huge cock. In a fantasy world where Blaine wouldn't have to hide himself he would surely have suggested for them to take the next step soon, at least to do more than kiss and cuddle – but as much as Kurt loved him he would never want to be _in_him. Kurt was gay, out and proud, and Kurt liked dick just like Blaine did. Real life did in no way match up with Blaine's fantasy world.


	10. Seasonal Affairs

Christmas morning Kurt was so excited that he simply couldn't wait for Blaine to get up. He tiptoed into his room and crawled under his covers to snuggle close to him, one arm around him and a wet, warm kiss pressed to his cheeks.

"Mhm, morning -" Blaine mumbled and slipped his own arm around Kurt's waist so he could move closer to him and hide his face against Kurt's collarbone.

"Blaine... you can't be sleeping now. It's Christmas!" Kurt hissed at him and started kissing down his neck instead.

Blaine hazily opened his eyes and blinked a few times to get used to the light. Kurt had never been a big fan of Christmas, so he really didn't understand this sudden excitement. He stared at him with confusion and Kurt returned with an equally confused expression.

"Why are you suddenly all in the jolly good seasonal mood?" Blaine asked with squinted eyes, suspicious that there was something he had missed or forgot about.

"What? Can't I like Christmas?" Kurt retorted, mildly offended that his boyfriend apparently found him too uptight to enjoy the holidays that were meant for being in a good mood.

"That's not what I meant. You just usually say that Christmas is the time of the year where people pretend to care about each other and everyone suddenly thinks it's okay to be disgustingly touchy -" Blaine said.

Kurt frowned at him. He didn't care about all of that now. All he wanted was to spend Christmas with the boy he loved, but for some reason that boy had chose this exact morning to be cranky.

"So, Scrooge... are you trying to tell me I should go away?" Kurt asked with an exaggerated pouting and his best puppy-eyes. He wasn't planning on this moment being ruined; he had been excited to do this for weeks and it should be nothing less than perfect.

Blaine's eyes flew open. He took a firmer grip on Kurt's back and pulled him closer.

"No. I'm sorry. I'm just tired. You just come in here and are super energetic and I am not even awake yet. Don't go. Please, stay here and cuddle with me," mumbled he and kissed Kurt's jaw.

Kurt smiled to himself, ecstatic that Blaine apparently wasn't cranky but cuddly, which only made it all so much better.

"Here. I wanted to give you this in private. To, you know, be able to kiss you away from our parents," Kurt cooed and pressed an envelope into Blaine's hand.

That he definitely hadn't seen coming. Blaine backed a little away and stared from Kurt to the envelope and back again with a puzzled face. He turned it over a few times, but all there was to it was white paper and Kurt's artistic handwriting saying "_Blaine_" and a little heart on the front.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Open it," Kurt encouraged eagerly. His eyes were wide and bright. He was looking like he was about to explode from the tension.

"What is this?" Blaine asked and moved a little up the bed to rest against his mountain of pillows with the envelope still in hand. It was heavier thank just paper – maybe it was a card.

He turned it over a few more times like he expected the answer to suddenly have appeared on the outside. Then he shot Kurt a glance and was met by his blooming eagerness, so he ripped the paper open – and pulled out two plane tickets. Open dates from Ohio to New York and back again.

"Kurt – what... Why? What?" He stammered nervously, unsure what to make of it.

Kurt moved a little away, making sure he could look Blaine properly in the eyes for what he was about to explain.

"It's just... I'm going to New York in a few months, and I'm gonna miss you so much. It's gonna be awful. So I figured I would make sure you would come to visit me. I couldn't afford more than two tickets for now, but since it's your birthday soon I might be able to convince my dad to let me work a little for him so I can get you more."

He couldn't help fearing that Blaine would feel that he was crossing the line. That it was too much, or maybe that he was digging up stuff Blaine would rather have postponed until it was closer to becoming reality.

Blaine felt like his throat was tying up. His insides were bubbling and his heart was beating fast. He had his eyes glued to the paper in his hand and he needed to take a moment to keep his threatening tears inside.

But he couldn't hold back and moved closer to Kurt, his arms locking tightly around him and his nose nuzzled into his neck.

"Thank you. You really didn't have to do that. I – just, thank you."

He clutched tightly around the tickets while squeezing Kurt as close as he could before backing away and wiping tears from his eyes.

"Oh Blaine. Sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you," Kurt said, feeling bad that he had poked to this delicate issue when he really just wanted to make Blaine happy. It really was way too early to take up the subject of him going to New York while Blaine was still in high school back in Lima.

"No, it's not like that. I'm happy – happy that... my boyfriend loves me enough to want to make sure I will come visit him," he smiled, his voice thick and his nose cold.

"He does. So much -" Kurt assured him and put a kiss to his lips, but was quickly away again as Blaine scrambled out of the bed and fumbled around the top drawer of his dresser before returning to the bed and put a little, black box on Kurt's knee.

"Merry Christmas," Blaine said shyly and let his lips form a thin line as he watched Kurt's eyes go huge before he carefully picked up the box.

It wasn't wrapped. It was simple black and boring plastic. Blaine had planned to wrap it up in gold paper with stars and purple ribbon but he figured that since Kurt had already given him his present he might as well return the gesture.

"Oh my god. Blaine, are you serious? This looks so real," Kurt gasped out as he opened the box and saw its content.

It was a very rare brooch. Only five were made by the designer around the second world war and Kurt had swooned over it uncountable times. Natalie Wood had worn one of them once, so had Brooke Shields and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt had mentioned Audrey Hepburn wearing it once as well.

"Oh my god it's authentic! How did you get this? It must have cost you a fortune!" Kurt said awestruck, his voice high pitched and trance-like as he turned the accessory carefully over between his fingers.

It was a small golden watch with black flowers carved out to twirl down the frame. It was very feminine and romantic, but Blaine knew that on Kurt's outfits it would be perfectly androgynous in the way Kurt had flair for mixing feminine and masculine – it was perfect for him, and one of the things on the top of his list of items he would forever crave but never own. Like Michael Jackson's sequined blazer from the infamous Billie Jean performance on Motown 25 in 1983 or a tiara from a Russian czarina.

"I uhm – I honestly didn't pay for it. I had printed a picture of it, because you had showed it to me and you liked it so much, so I figured I would go see if I could find something similar. Then I was at the senior center to sing like always and the picture fell out of my pocket and Mrs. Nansen, you know the lady who always invites me for coffee, she saw it and invited me in as always where she asked me about the picture. So I told her I wanted to find something like it for my boyfriend, and as I was sitting there she suddenly left and when she came back she gave this to me. She said that she doesn't have any family, and I'm the only one who visits her, so she wanted me to give this to the person I love, the person that means the most to me – you. So here it is... one of the only five authentic pieces," Blaine told and hoped that Kurt would believe him, because he should be the first to admit that it sounded completely dumb and unrealistic for an old lady to give him that treasure just because he dropped by to sing, play cards and have coffee a couple of times a month.

"See. The little signature is there, and the serial number is there," Blaine smiled as he turned the watch over in Kurt's hand to show the engraved letters at the bottom of the backside, a little number 3 right under.

"Blaine, I... this is – surreal. It's so... I've been dreaming about this for years. Since I was eight. It must be worth thousands and thousands of dollars. Maybe even millions, depending on who wore it -" Kurt blabbered out and his voice cracked.

"It's beautiful. It's perfect. I can... I can never measure that. I love it," Kurt whispered and clenched the brooch to his chest and sniffed.

It truly was a dream. It had to be. How could it not? Kurt felt like his heart had been filled with love but now it was splashing everywhere because his heart just wasn't big enough to contain all of it.

"I would come visit you anyway, you know that right?" Blaine asked as they slipped back down on the pillows with kisses and and smiles shared.

"I know. I just thought that... I would show you how much I want you to. And I want you to focus on your school instead of working so you can come out to be with me much quicker," Kurt smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.

They melted into each others arms and stayed there for half an hour while kissing and assuring each other of their love, but in the end they knew they had to get up and be social with the family, regardless of how little they felt like letting go of one another.

**xXx**

It was dark in the room and the wind was howling outside his window. He knew that it was snowing and he was happy that there still was a few days left before they had to get back to school.

Blaine couldn't fall asleep. He was tired. A lot. The Hummel-Anderson's had been to Breadstix for dinner and Kurt had asked Blaine if he wanted to walk home with him instead of driving with their parents.

The walk was long and cold, but they snuck their hands together since they were covered by the darkness and deserted sidewalks. Not that it really mattered, because they even held hands every now and then before they got together – they were best friends and step-brothers so that should be explanation enough if anyone should ask.

They hadn't talked much, but it hadn't been needed. They had simply enjoyed being able to be together outside the safe walls of their bedrooms and that was enough for them.

When they came home they had changed into their nightwear and joined their parents for a movie in the living room. It was hard not to snuggle up close together out of habit like they had gotten so used to, but they settled for stealing glances and crooking their fingers between their thighs.

And now it was in the middle of the night and all Blaine could think about was that in his desk drawer two tickets for New York were safely hidden – and the reason for that was that Kurt was moving. Away from him. A long way away from him.

Six months and Kurt would be gone.

If the thought it was hard now where he had to restrain himself from kissing or cuddling Kurt in front of their parents and friends he really wasn't in a hurry to find out how it would be when Kurt was thousands of miles away where they wouldn't have secret hours in their bedrooms after school and dinner to be together – and he wouldn't even be able to complain to anyone about all the things he was going to miss so much.

Like waking up next to Kurt when he didn't expect to, but Kurt had crawled into his bed over night or in the morning. Or the way Kurt tilted his head to smile at him when their eyes caught across a class room or the living room. Or like the feeling of Kurt's fingertips strolling down his arm, or the way his lips always felt so soft on his cheek and against his own lips. Or the way Kurt would giggle if their hands brushed when they were in a room filled with people... or the way Kurt's body was pressed against Blaine's when he had fallen asleep during a movie.

When they were watching movies in their rooms they turned off the lights, sometimes kept candles lit, and then they curled up around each other. Little by little Kurt would drift to sleep and Blaine didn't bother to wake him because he was so stressed because of school and preparing for NYADA audition, so he would simply squeeze his arms tighter around him and kiss his hair while letting him sleep.

As those sweet memories hit him Blaine realized that he had changed. He was more in love with Kurt than ever – Kurt was truly the best thing that had ever happened to him. None of that had changed, only grown stronger in time. What was changed was more of a strange feeling, a feeling about Blaine's perception of himself. To be honest he actually felt a bit embarrassed about it and had no intentions on bringing it up with Kurt, or anyone, ever.

Since that day where Blaine had accidentally caught a glimpse of Kurt in the shower he couldn't stop thinking about it. Okay, it wasn't like he thought about it all the time, but often enough to drive him insane. He couldn't stop thinking about it when Kurt was wearing super tight jeans or shirts, he couldn't stop thinking about it when Kurt had his body clasped against Blaine's when they cuddled or napped, or when they watched a movie and there was a sex scene or simply when they lay in bed at night and kissed and talked and was close enough to make the temperature rise, when he wanted to press his crotch against Kurt's just enough to feel it.

The image felt like it was burned into his mind; the toned muscles that made him look so strong even when he still looked so delicate and gentle, the clean skin and perfectly round pink nipples. The way his hands had slid around his body, long slender legs, tight ass and his big, thick shaft.

He had been so scared of the average male anatomy before – how was he ever supposed to make that fit inside him? Previously he had only ever seen himself having anal sex – that was the only true way for gay men, and he was sure that it wouldn't make a potential partner freak as much out as the alternative.

But then Kurt happened, and it was like things inside of him got stirred up and moved around. Whenever he thought about Kurt and the moment in the shower a burning aches washed up between his legs. Sometimes he even had to squeezed his knees and thighs hard together, but that would never be enough to make it go away. He had been turned on before, but not this way. Now he could feel himself go wet, and the way his sex was opening and closing, needing something to happen soon or he would go crazy.

But there was no way that it would ever happen. Kurt was gay and even though he never talked about it he had to have had some sort of sexual fantasizing, which clearly would involve the regular male package; something Blaine could never offer him. And it hadn't taken Blaine long time around gay online forums to find out that the female package was one of the creepiest, most disgusting and terrifying things other gay boys and men could think of in a sexual relation.

So he had told himself that he was never going to have sex. It probably wouldn't be too hard to find someone online who would be into it, or at least not care about it – but that didn't matter at all. He only wanted Kurt. And if he wasn't going to have sex with Kurt he wasn't going to have sex with anyone. Kurt was so put up with his no-hands-below-waist policy anyway, and as hard as it was for Blaine to not touch Kurt everywhere it was a comfort to know that Kurt wouldn't find out about him on accident.

But just because he was going to be a virgin for the rest of his life it didn't mean that he couldn't pleasure himself. After the burning need had showed how determined it was he had found himself one night fantasizing about Kurt and how he would feel – and suddenly Blaine's hand was on his underwear, cupping himself over the cotton that had turned damp. He had rubbed his hand up and down and before he knew it his eyes squeezed as hard as his knees and he was biting his lower lip to not scream Kurt's name in surprise and pleasure.

Yeah, he was definitely planning on exploring that.


	11. Need

He didn't think and it was stupid because it was against the only rule of their relationship, besides the one about being close in public. Or – he hadn't exactly gone against the no-hands-policy in the literal form of the term at least, but it was enough nonetheless.

They were home alone again. Kurt's dad was in Washington and Blaine's mom was working late. Kurt had come home early from his shopping spree with Rachel and Blaine had come home early from his homework date with Tina. Kurt had showed him all his newly bought items and they had taken their time to have fun while cooking dinner together. After cleaning up they had put on a movie and now they were in Blaine's bed and had agreed that Kurt might as well sleep there.

All lights had been put out and they had said goodnight to each other, now moving closer for their last kiss of the day. But somehow the kiss grew deeper and stronger, and suddenly hands were pressing chests closer together. Before Blaine knew it he had his crotch pressed against Kurt's – and Kurt didn't back away. On the contrary he was going hard and Blaine could feel it, the resistance making his breathing rise and his crotch turned damp and hot.

To his surprise Kurt pressed back with a moan into Blaine's mouth and all Blaine could do was simply take it and feel the throbbing need grow. But the pleasure was brief because Kurt abruptly backed away.

"Oh Blaine no. We can't do this. We agreed on... oh no," he murmured, upset with himself that he had lost control for even a second. He wanted Blaine so bad, he was going insane by the thought, but it wasn't right this way. He wanted it to be perfect – and he wanted Blaine to have a chance of being sure that he was doing the right thing for himself. He still had quite a few teenage years to go.

"Maybe I should just... go sleep in my own bed tonight," he suggested and started getting up, but Blaine grasped around his arm and pulled him back into their nest of the comforter.

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... you know. Please stay," he apologized.

And Kurt stayed. They didn't talk anymore about it but exchanged a quick peck on the lips before going to sleep like nothing had happened, yet it felt like everything had happened.

**xXx**

It repeated itself. Again and again.

They could be on the couch or on the bed, cuddling or watching TV or just talking – and suddenly they would be kissing heatedly and grinding their crotches against each other, Kurt just as into as Blaine and sometimes he was even the one to start it.

It wasn't much, but damn if it isn't felt so incredibly good. Especially when they were in their pajamas and the fabrics were nothing but thin layers to separate them. Sometimes Blaine was afraid that he was going to come just from Kurt rubbing himself against him.

But it was driving him mad. The more they rutted against each other, the more Blaine needed for Kurt to actually touch him. However, on the other hand he knew that he was lucky that it didn't seem like Kurt had noticed anything different about him yet. He simply couldn't take that risk.

That was also why he was currently lying in the dark under his covers with his underwear in a pool on the mattress, and his fingertips sliding teasingly around his chest, fleetingly brushing his nipples, before taking up the original path downwards.

He had never done it before and he had no idea what to do but he needed it badly. He felt so empty and he was sure that if he didn't do something soon to at least keep the craving at bay he would break down crying the next time he could feel Kurt's skin against his own.

So he felt the toned muscles of his abdomens and let his fingers follow the path of coarse hair from his bellybutton to the line where the waistband of his underwear should be. He had made sure to shave in the shower after dinner, promising himself to make the exploration of himself as comfortable as possible.

The skin was softer than he had imagined and he thanked heavens that he had been able to discretely buy a proper razors earlier that day since he had never shaved before either. He had simply not seen any reason to.

Yet, right now his legs were bent with his feet safely on the mattress and his knees pressed together. Even if he hadn't been hidden safely under his covers he was sure he wouldn't have dared looking down on the smooth V that his fingers were currently curling against, but it didn't stop his index finger from tryingly seek towards where his thighs met and he knew the skin would be parting.

He forced himself to relax his legs a little, the nerves under his skin shivering by the thought of what he was doing, but the thoughts of Kurt in naked and touching himself – or maybe touching Blaine with his slender fingers and warm palms.

It only took him a moment of concentrating on his breathing and convincing himself to imagine that it was Kurt's fingers and not his own that was sliding down his vulva, and with his eyes squeezed hard he slowly parted his legs slightly to make room for his finger to find the top of the slit that was waiting for him.

His first thought was how different the skin on the inside of his folds felt compared to the skin on the outside. It was hotter and more slick – rough without really being it. He was moist all the way to the top of the slit, the little nub that had to be his clitoris hard and waiting, making shivers run down his spine as he grazed over it in his quest downwards to feel it all before doing anything more.

It was warmer the further down his finger came and he nearly whimpered when he reached the opening that was gaping and wet, making his fingertip feel soaked. He turned cross-eyed under his eyelids as he experimentally dipped his finger inside and involuntarily felt the muscle of his rim tighten around the intrusion.

He let the finger out again and had it be joined by a second finger to slick it the tip of that one up as well, but quickly added a third just to be sure. With a heavy inhale he dragged his hand back up and carefully pressed his fingers down on his clit.

A surprise huff of breath ran from his lips from the contact but he didn't remove his fingers. Instead he slowly started to move them up and down, apprehensively rubbing the way he had done on top of his underwear and he felt his nerves tighten under his skin and his triceps were moving noticeably with his every move.

It wasn't just the temperature in his room and under his comforter that felt like it had rose to hell-height. His face felt like it was completely ablaze and he was starting to think that the speed of his blood rushing in sex was unhealthy. He could feel it throb and was starting to wonder if he really could hear the blood in his ears.

Without noticing it his fingers had increased their speed and was pressing just a little harder. Images of Kurt's naked chest and his exposed neck was rushing to his brain. The sound of Kurt's breathing and the feel of his breath on his lips. The way Kurt pressed his lips against Blaine's and the determination of which his tongue danced around his mouth, like he was trying to make sure he would never forget the taste of him.

But the most vivid image was the one of Kurt closing his hand around his semi-hard dick, wet and white with soap, but his head a glistening, pink bulb with a size that would never fit inside of Blaine's body without ripping him open, but it only made his other hand slide down his hip and between the soft skin of his legs to terrified push two fingers against the needy hole.

"_Oh god_," he moaned under his breath as he felt the heat run out of control along with the fingers moving up and down on his clitoris with pressure that should be too hard for the sensitive spot.

It was like he couldn't stop anymore, and with the thought of how it would feel to have Kurt kissing down his his collarbone while slowly splitting his hole open with his fully hard erection, the head forcing itself inside of him, it was like all nerves suddenly was electrocuted with his pussy the center, his thighs slamming together with a force that made his knees burn and his entrance squeezing around the fingers that only had reached with the tips inside.

"Oh god. _Kurt_... please," he whimpered as his head flew to the side and pressed his face into the fluffy pillow, muffling the sound that had still felt like it would wake up the entire house.

Every cell in him tensed, but way too quickly started to cool back down. As his muscles started to feel like mush his brain was cramping and his eyes squeezed hard to dark slits. His breathing had been reduced to a panting and he only now realized that a thin layer of sweat had spread on his forehead.

Slowly he let his hands struggle their way out of the trap of his legs tightening around them. He could feel the slickness running with his fingers up his skin and he didn't know if he found it disgusting or hot. Both, probably. All he was certain of, and able to wrap his mind around, at that moment, was that the sensation he had just felt was too good to rob himself off again.

His head was swimming and it was like all energy had been sucked out of him. He fumbled around for his boxer briefs and quickly pulled them on. He felt dirty and sated. He knew that he should go wash his hands, but he couldn't stand the thought of maybe running into his mom or Burt in the hall – or even worse; Kurt.

He knew that they wouldn't be able to see it on him, but he was sure that if he was faced with Kurt now he would blush and not be able to look him in the eyes. Suddenly he was glad that Kurt would be busy all day in the morning.

As soon as he had his underwear back on and dried his fingers properly in a bunch of the wetwipes he kept in the drawer of his desk he curled up to a ball safely hugged by the darkness in his room.

If only Kurt could ever be the one to give him that feeling.


	12. Rules Are Made To Be Broken

It had been his rule from the beginning. It was his idea, and it was him who had felt it necessary. Yet, it was getting harder to keep it up. When Kurt was with Blaine he nearly couldn't hold himself back anymore. Blaine ignited feelings in him he never knew he had.

Somehow it was like the whole world had changed since he and Blaine started being together. It was hard, way harder than he could ever describe – because all he wanted was to be able to tell people that Blaine was his boyfriend. One night they had been making out a little heavier than what good was and they nearly hadn't had sense enough to get from each other before Kurt's dad came into the room, so close to catching them that Kurt nearly had a breakdown. Other days they nearly came close to saying a bit too much when they were hanging out with their friends or nearly shared a kiss out of habit.

Kurt was just looking forward to being able to go to New York and have Blaine come too. A place where they would be able to walk down the street holding hands, where he would be able to kiss Blaine in front of thousands of people without worrying – and a place that would be their own.

But that also meant they would have to spend ages apart. Which seemed terrible considering how hard it was when they were sitting at separate ends of the choir room. Everything was just that much tougher to deal with when you were a teenager – dating your stepbrother.

Kurt remembered thanksgiving where his dad's sister and her family had visited. His aunt and uncle had to stay in Kurt's room so Kurt was staying in Blaine's room... with his twin cousins; 12 year old girls with snappy mouth and unsatisfiable curiosity.

The girls had shared an inflatable bed and Kurt had found back to his usual spot in Blaine's bed. In the dark they were safe to hold their arms around each other but the need for more was excruciating. There was a long time from the lights were out and Kurt was sure the twins were asleep.

"Blaine? Are you awake?" He whispered as quietly as possible.

"Sort of. Why?" Blaine mumbled dozy back.

Kurt grazed his lips lightly over Blaine's and he could feel Blaine becoming wide awake by the gentle contact.

"I was thinking that maybe -" Kurt started whisperingly and wet his lips when he nearly screamed from a startle.

"You are not fucking while we're in the room. You're brothers and we're 12. Let us make our own definitions of kinks, thank you -" one of the twins said from the other end of the room.

"Of course we're not... be quiet and sleep!" Kurt hissed through the room and buried his face in the crook of Blaine's neck.

Blaine had chuckled into his hair and kissed his ear before they soundlessly let their lips meet and returned to their original purpose of sleeping.

However, after that it had been hard for Kurt to stop thinking about his cousin's words: "_You're not fucking_..." And no, he had only wanted to kiss Blaine – but would it be so bad if he wanted a little more the next time they were alone? He didn't mean to go all the way; he still didn't think Blaine was ready for that, but maybe just press a little tighter or give a hand a free-pass.

So that was exactly what he did. They were on Blaine's bed with a movie on the TV that neither of them could remember the title of and their mouths were melted together in a heat that probably seemed obscure if anyone had been watching.

Blaine was squirming lively under him. His crotch was throbbing between his thighs and he wanted so badly to slide his hand down Kurt's back and squeeze his ass while grinding his pussy directly onto Kurt's cock.

For a moment Kurt figured that he should stop it. Next to how amazing it felt he also had a tough time pushing away the guilt gnawing at him for not even honoring his own rule. A rule he had made with the purpose of taking care of Blaine – but right now he was so hard he couldn't quite wrap his head around that.

He forced his tongue powerfully into Blaine's mouth and ground his hips hard down against Blaine's.

(_I wonder how his dick feels like. God, I bet he has a big one. Always so shy about himself and his appearance – he's probably just being modest, like with everything else._)

And to a choir of their moans mixed with the sound of slippery tongues tangling around each other Kurt pressed a little closer. He was searching for Blaine, a goal of feeling Blaine against himself.

But he didn't. Blaine wasn't hard. He wasn't turned on at all, and even though Kurt didn't have any plans on doing anything more than that he was still disappointed. So instead he started to slowly cool it off.

He couldn't believe that Blaine had been faking it.

But of course he wasn't faking it. It was so often Blaine who started it. Surely he had to be into it himself in some way. Or was he just doing it for Kurt? To keep him satisfied.

After turning it over in his mind again and again Kurt convinced himself that he was making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe he had been on his way to getting hard. Maybe he had to pee – that really had Kurt having a hard time going hard. Or maybe there was something else. So he had to try again, and the next time he would definitely feel Blaine hot and hard, and big and thick against him.

…He didn't.

It was the same: they were making out so hotly that if they hadn't had a rule clothes would have been off and scattered around the room a long time ago. And even though Kurt was so hard he could scream Blaine wasn't anywhere to be felt.

_Oh my god. I don't turn him on. That's why the no hands policy was so easy for him – because he doesn't find me sexy enough. He's just doing these things because he's afraid I don't want him if he doesn't. Oh Blaine..._ Kurt thought in fright.

**xXx**

The end of January was upon them and the rain was furiously drumming on the window. Blaine had been to the gym after dinner and had just finished his shower. Now they were both dressed in their pajamas and Kurt had promised to give him a well worked through massage.

Blaine was on his front on the bed in his pajama bottoms and his torso wearing nothing but a tanktop that showed very much that his many and long hours at the gym were starting to pay off – and Kurt was going crazy from looking and feeling.

The thin fabric was wrapped tightly around Blaine's muscles, showing off every dent and bump of his upper body. Kurt could see and feel muscles on his back he didn't even know the human body possessed. Not to mention how clean and tan and smooth his skin was, still moist after his shower and moisturizer that smelled perfectly like Blaine.

"Mhm, that was nice. Thank you," Blaine hummed as he turned to lie on his back and look up at Kurt after he was finished.

Kurt felt like he was in a bad porno. There was nothing more in the world he wanted to do than free his boyfriend from the terrible restraints of his clothes, but he couldn't, so instead he had to take a deep breath and close his eyes as the sight of Blaine's nipples fighting against his top was piercing into Kurt's brain.

"Yeah. It – anytime," Kurt stammered awkwardly with a smile and forced his eyes to Blaine's face instead.

"Come here," Blaine smiled flirtatiously, cocking his head to indicate for Kurt to lie with him.

He could to his death not explain what had happened. One second Kurt had been fighting the dreadful erection in his underwear, and the next Blaine was dragging him on top of him to a panting kiss with needy touch and slight whimpers. Blaine had spread his legs slightly to make room for one of Kurt's between his own and was pressing his crotch upwards, practically rutting against Kurt's stone had dick.

But Kurt still didn't feel a response from Blaine. There was still no resistance, still no bulge, still nothing hard and big struggling to be let free. It was flat and disappointing, sad, and Kurt could simply cry because his boyfriend didn't find him sex. It was frustrating and he had to bite his lips and move away to not break into tears.

What if Blaine didn't even love him anymore? What if he had lost interest completely, and now he was trying to satisfy Kurt until he left for New York and a break between them would be easier?

There he was: sitting on the bed with his arms locked around his knees and oceans of saltwater pressing under the fragile glass of his eyes. Blaine was still half lying, half sitting, in front of him with a confused look that fit the boy he was so perfectly, underlined by a fear that seemed to be waiting to explode.

"Kurt... what happened? Did I – hurt you?" Blaine asked with a thousand horror scenarios running through his mind, one more terrifying than the other.

(_Did I do something wrong? Did I touch him wrongly? Did I cross the line and took it way too far?_

_Or did he feel something – or lack thereof?_)

"Don't I turn you on? Am I not man enough for you, Blaine?" Kurt asked in a thick voice, struggling to keep himself together.

He could hear that his voice was small and weak, frustrated and defeated, but he didn't worry about that now because his boyfriend didn't like him anymore and his world was cracking around him – and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't force Blaine to get turned on by him, and he didn't want to. All he wanted was for Blaine to love him and find him attractive.


	13. Breaking The Walls

"You are more man than I could ever be," Blaine whispered, surprising himself with the direct response instead of trying to at least dig into what had caused this abrupt change of mood. Wasn't this where he should try coming up with explanations that could lead them away from the subject they were scarily close to?

"That is not true, Blaine. But then... god, I can't believe I'm about to say this – then why don't you get... erect, when we kiss and I touch you?Do you need someone who's more feminine? Am I not sexy? Why don't I turn you on?" Kurt asked panicky, voice shivering and fingers trembling. He couldn't hold it back any longer and when he faced Blaine his eyes were watering and he was biting his lower lip, fighting to at least hold in a sob.

"Kurt, you are – so much more of a man, and wear your femininity more fabulous and masculine than anyone I could ever have made up in my head. You have no idea how sexy you are. You don't even know how much you turn me on when I'm watching you perform, or when you touch me or kiss me – or simply when I think of you. Kurt, you are _so_ sexy. Don't ever think anything else," Blaine choked out and squeezed his eyes shut with the realization that there was no escape route from the direction of the conversation.

"Then why don't I ever... feel anything? Why are you lying to me? I can take it, Blaine!" Kurt demanded of him – if Blaine found him sexy then what else could it be? He needed to know so he could do something about it.

Blaine knew that Kurt was embarrassed of saying the things he was, but he was also sure that Kurt was frustrated that he had been put in a corner where he felt like he needed to say those things.

He sat up slowly and did his best to not look at his boyfriend. Kurt was still curled up around himself with pain over his face, his expression awaiting and his eyes burning into Blaine's skin.

"Kurt, there's... there's something I need to tell you. This is so embarrassing and I completely understand if you – don't want me anymore once you know. I wouldn't want me either."

Blaine was surprised he could even get the words out. His brain was clogging up and his throat felt like it had closed for anything to come in or out.

"Blaine. Are you... is this – are you, like, permanently impotent? Cause I've read about that and, Blaine, I don't care – I don't want you for your... penis. I just want you. If that's the case we can work something out when we get to that. I still think we should wait anyway. I just want you to be honest with me," Kurt blabbered out and his voice sounded like it was coming from far away. He hoped that was the case, permanent impotence. The alternative was much too painful to acknowledge as a realistic possibility.

Blaine nearly cried from the gesture. It was so big of Kurt to say that – if only a dysfunctional penis had been the problem maybe it would have been easier for him. No. It definitely would have been easier for him.

"No, Kurt, I'm not... permanently impotent. If I had that would have been so much easier. Maybe you could still... love me. But – Kurt I am like nothing you have ever come across. I am highly misconstructed," Blaine tried explaining. He knew it wouldn't make any sense to Kurt, but he needed to buy himself some time to figure out how to throw the bomb.

"Don't say that. You're so handsome and beautiful. You're the best construction of the world. Last night I considered who to write to have you officially accepted as the world's eighth wonder. I could never, ever stop loving you. Sometimes I still can't believe that you love me," Kurt tried but was mortified when he was cut off.

"Kurt, I don't have a penis!" Blaine blurted out, unable to hold it back anymore, the pressure too much, before he hid his face in his hands.

"What do you mean you don't have a... Blaine, please look at me and explain what's going on. I can't help you if you don't talk to me -" Kurt said. Bis voice had turned shaky and scared, absolutely frightened. He hated situations where he wasn't one step ahead and he knew that this was one where he hadn't even started the race.

"I have... girl – looks. A v... I have a vagina. Instead of a – penis," Blaine broke down and got off the bed to hide his face in his hands while hiding in the darkest corner of his room. The place where he felt most hidden in the shadows of the dimmed lighting.

"Oh... I – oh..." Kurt said. He sounded like he had just had all air punched out of him, and Blaine didn't blame him. Now there was nothing left to do than wait for Kurt to quickly gather his things and run out the door with the message that this was the end for them.

However, no such thing ever happened.

Blaine nearly jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. A soft, insecure hand – not trying to get him to turn around, but to comfort him. Another hand was placed on his other shoulder, and before Blaine knew it Kurt had slid his hands down to hold around him from behind.

He could feel Kurt crying. He could feel it in the small thrusts of Kurt's chest and the way his own shirt was slowly going wet where Kurt had pressed his cheek against Blaine's shoulder blade. It only took Blaine a few minutes to turn around to fall into Kurt's arms where he let go and cried his eyes out.

Kurt clenched his arms around Blaine's shoulders and rested his cheek against Blaine's hair. He held his eyes squeezed shut, afraid that if he opened he would be faced with light and a hysterical sobbing would take over him and he wouldn't be able to comfort Blaine anymore, and this wasn't about him but about Blaine.

Naturally he was in complete shock himself. He still wasn't sure he had heard right, that the words that had hit his ears actually were the ones that had left Blaine's mouth. If it was true he had no idea what it meant – for him or for Blaine.

"It's... it's okay, baby. Just calm down – we'll talk about it. Shhh," Kurt tried calming him down, mindlessly stroking his back with his own voice thick as wool and pierced through by fear and confusion.

Blaine's sobbing turned harder. He dug his fingers into Kurt's back and Kurt could feel that his pajama top was soaked where Blaine was mushing his face against his shoulder. It only was a second before it occurred to Kurt that Blaine was paralyzed. He was holding onto Kurt with a cramp-like force, and he was nailed to the spot.

So Kurt shook himself out of it, pushed his own fear and confusion aside and hugged his boyfriend a little tighter before he slowly took short steps back towards the bed.

"Come on. Let's go back to the bed and we can get you relaxed a little so we can talk about this," he cooed and let his lips smooth over Blaine's neck, desperate to get the boy to stop crying.

This was going to be the last time he would spent in Kurt's arms, the last few minutes before Kurt would tell him that he couldn't deal with it, that he was sorry and that he didn't think they should be together anymore, so Blaine decided that he would use those brief minutes (_the seconds wasting, tick-tock, tick-tock_) to memorize everything he could from the feeling and scent of Kurt being close to him.

They sat down on the bed, arms still locked around each other before Kurt twisted himself out of Blaine's grip, Blaine nearly whining and pleading him not to let go, but the fear clogging up his throat so instead he folded his arms around his chest and looked away, afraid to see the disgust in Kurt's face.

"Blaine I -" Kurt started, but bit his tongue when no words came out.

Words, questions, wonders, frustration, desperation, fear and panic all filled his brain, but his brain simply couldn't contain it so it seeped out to the rest of his body and took over his vocal chords and filled his throat.

"I don't know what to say. I don't... I don't understand – anything, right now. Honestly. But... don't think that anything about your... anatomy, about your body, could ever make me stop loving you. Because that will never happen. I love you so much," he tried to assure him, but it sounded so unconvincing.

Blaine still didn't look at him. He couldn't. Surely Kurt was still in shock over the news or in denial about the severeness of the information he had just been given, and now he was just trying to keep his head up until it sunk in.

This was all way too much and way too hard to take. Kurt's eyes flickered to the door and back to Blaine's shaking frame before they returned to the door. He needed a moment. He needed to cope and grasp and get hold – but this wasn't the time. This wasn't about him.

Instead he took a firm grip on Blaine's chin with his thumb and index finger, forcing Blaine to face him, but his eyes were still focused on somewhere else – probably somewhere that was far, far away from reality and Kurt really didn't blame him.

"Blaine, you're gonna have to look at me at some point. Or we can't talk about it. And you really need to help me understand what is going on here," Kurt said, pleading and needing in his voice. He wiped a tear away from Blaine's cheek before drying off his own with the back of his hand.

He let his hand drop from Blaine's chin. Blaine still wasn't looking at him and he hadn't said a word since he broke down. Kurt didn't stand a chance to figure out what to do, he could be in shock for all Kurt knew at the moment.

_Talk about it. Talk. Have the talk. We need to talk._ All the things people say in conversations that leads to a break up. From here on Blaine could only do one thing to try to keep his head somewhat sane.

"It's okay, Kurt. You don't have to stick around here. I'll... manage. And since no one knows we were together we can avoid explaining why we aren't anymore. Just please promise me you won't tell anyone. Please," Blaine finally choked out, eyes trained on his fingers twirling nervously around each other.

It went very fast, abrupt. Kurt was on his knees on the floor between Blaine's legs. He let his hands up to cup Blaine's tearfilled face, his thumb brushing lightly over his cheekbone without rhythm or mind. Blaine couldn't look at him, but Kurt's face was right there in front of his, so he squeezed his eyes as hard as possible, tears yet escaping the slits to flee down his cheeks and wet Kurt's fingers.

"Blaine? Blaine, look at me. I am not breaking up with you! Of course I understand if you don't wanna be with me after I pressured you in that terrible way – but Blaine, I love you so, so much. Your body is a part of a package deal. So it doesn't match what I thought I had signed up for? I don't care, because I still love the whole package – the other things are just details that I will find a way to make work. I love you – and with that comes loving every little part of you. My handsome, strong, masculine man," Kurt cried, unable to stop smiling, because wow he really loved Blaine that much.

Slowly Blaine opened his eyes and for the first time since his world collapsed he met Kurt's blue orbs. Kurt's face was wrecked with tears, but of course it was elegant and completely like Kurt to be beautiful even in a situation like that.

"You are – the love of my life, Kurt. I am so sorry I lied to you," Blaine sobbed embarrassed, but before he knew it Kurt had his arms around his neck and was rocking him slowly back and forth in comfort, caressing the back of his head with soothing coos in his ear.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay. You just need to... help me understand," Kurt smiled, the tears stopped but replaced by a pressuring need to shower Blaine with kisses instead.

"Maybe we should go to bed and – we can take it back up when you have adjusted to the idea that I... know," Kurt suggested and Blaine nodded eagerly.

To go to bed seemed like a good idea. Then they could turn off the lights and he could push reality away for a little bit until he could find a way to realize that Kurt knew about his secret – but he didn't hate him for it.

They crawled into bed, lying a bit awkward with neither of them knowing what to do about themselves. The darkness felt both protecting and scary. Kurt couldn't push away his need to feel Blaine but he didn't want to cross his boundaries if he wanted some distance – ironically enough that was exactly the way Blaine felt about Kurt.

Silence filled the room, except for the drumming of the rain and the wind still roaming outside the window. It nearly sounded like earpounding mayhem in the room where both boys were nearly too afraid to move.

"Kurt – I... I'm really sorry. I – I don't know what to tell you. I wanna explain it all to you so bad – but I don't know where to begin," Blaine suddenly said, taking himself as much off guard as Kurt. He had only wanted to say that he was sorry, but he couldn't stop the words.

There was silence. A lot of hell, heavy, hard silence. But then Kurt turned to his side so he could face Blaine and Blaine followed his example so he could let Kurt's shiny eyes pierce his own.

"First of: don't ever feel like you have to apologize for your body. It's not some sort of fault on you. Your body is beautiful because it is a part of who you are. And you should never apologize for being you, because you are my favorite person in the world," Kurt said firmly and Blaine felt a bubbling in his stomach.

"And – I don't know where to start either. I guess I should... are you transgender?" He asked, the words falling from him before he could stop them or at least try and form them to be less intruding. That was surely crossing the line. Of course Blaine wasn't transgender – he would have known. Or maybe he had just been hiding it really well. Was he dating a transgender person? Was he still gay?

"No, I'm not transgender. I am a boy. I don't have de la Chapelle syndrome or Swyer syndrome or any of those things. My chromosomes are perfectly XY," Blaine said, and he couldn't help smile because as afraid as he had been of Kurt finding out he had never considered that they would even get to the point of having a normal, relaxed conversation about it. And now that they were it was a huge relief.

"Okay. I have no idea what that is... but it's nice to know that I'm still gay," Kurt chuckled and dared himself to move an inch closer. Even though Blaine was right next to him it wasn't enough; he missed feeling him.

"Of course you're still gay. No matter what I would still identify as a gay boy -" Blaine shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Kurt loved that he could take it that way.

"So uhm – can you like... you know, get pregnant?" Kurt murmured, ashamed that he was asking, but he needed to know. It was important.

"No, I can't. Just because it looks like that on the outside it doesn't mean I have the... equipment on the inside. I don't have a... uterus, or ovaries, or anything like that, so I don't get periods either -" he explained casually.

Kurt was relieved. He didn't know why, but he was. Suddenly an image of Blaine being all big and round and caressing his pregnant belly popped into his head and he nearly started crying again. He couldn't deal with that. He couldn't stand the thought of his stepbrother being pregnant. If his boyfriend was pregnant it would be his fault. Oh god, all those fantasies about Blaine thrusting into him with his big penis – he would never have any of that. Everything was so real now.

"Then – I uhm... what about... sex?" Kurt asked, hoping Blaine didn't sense the confusion and frustration simmering in his voice.

"I don't know. I never had sex. What about it?" Blaine said and squeezed his thighs a little. Was this the point where Kurt declared himself strictly bottom so they would have to live in a sexless relationship?

"I mean where... how do you – I mean, being gay it's – but when you have... I'm sorry, I'm just gonna shut up now."

Kurt groaned, ashamed, and hid his face in his hands. This was a disaster. He kept saying all the wrong things, and he really didn't want to make Blaine uncomfortable about talking to him about this, but it was impossible.

"It's okay, Kurt. I think -" Blaine said and removed Kurt's hands from his face.

_His own fingers caressing down his vulva, spreading his legs and rolling his fingers over the sensitive nub. Wetness burning and his fingers daring themselves deeper with an aching need for the real version of the mental image of Kurt nearly hard, big and heavy in his hand as he stroked himself. Blaine needed it to fill him up and his pelvic bone almost pained with the hardness of his fingers thrusting in and out in time._

"Both. I think I would be good with both," he said and tried shaking the images off and clenched his thighs a little harder, the way too familiar flaming right there.

"Blaine I... you know I've said for ages that we should wait. You know it has nothing to do with this, but... I really still think we should wait. I need to – adjust to this. I don't know anything about... them. I never thought I would have to get acquainted with that. It's not like I've – fantasized much, but I'm gay, Blaine, so... penises are kinda my -"

_Oh god! Stop talking, stop talking, just shut up._

"Kurt, I never expected you to be all on with this. And that you're taking it this way is such a relief. I'm just happy that you don't hate me. If you're not comfortable with that – part of me then it's fine. And if you're like... all bottom, we can figure that out when we get closer to that," Blaine assured him.

"I've never really thought about that -"

Lie. He had lost count of the times he had imagined himself on his back or on all four with Blaine big and hard pounding into him and making him moan and scream in a mix of pain and pleasure. But he could never tell Blaine about that. He had thought about topping too – but not much, not as intense.

"It's fine. We can discuss that when we get there. It's not until far in the future anyway, so it's fine," Blaine smiled.

"How many people know?" Kurt asked, desperate to change the subject.

"My mom, of course. And your dad. My mom couldn't keep it from him. It's been hard on her too. That's why she sometimes gets really sad, when I... when I'm having a rough day over it," Blaine said, feeling guilty for all the pain he had caused his mom through all of those years.

"And my dad. He uhm -"

"Oh Blaine. I am... was that what happened, so -" Kurt asked and his hand was on Blaine's on the mattress between them, mindlessly needing to be there for him. Suddenly it felt like things fell into place and the half stories he had heard were starting to connect with the times Blaine and Susan had spent hours in Blaine's room and he was sure he had heard crying, but his dad had told him to give them some time alone, not to mention the way they had popped up in Lima out of thin air. Everything added up now.

"My dad never... of course he knew since I was born. He hated me. He hated me so much. He would call me a girl and a sissy and those kind of things. Whenever I made a mistake he would say that if I had been a real man I would've been able to do it right. Never in front of my mom, and I didn't tell her. I didn't want to bother her anymore than I already was. Then I finally told them that I'm gay and... he ticked off. He wanted to send me away. To a reform school or a clinic or something, some place they could cure me. My mom didn't say anything against it and I was terrified. I had never thought she would agree with me. So I cried myself to sleep, I wanted to die, considered ways to do it. In the middle of the night she told me to pack my stuff. They had a fight, her eyebrow was bleeding – he hit her. So we ran away and came here. My mom met your dad and he helped her out of her depression. I think he saved her life," Blaine told, quivering from speaking the words out loud. He had never told his story to anyone before, but to tell Kurt was like showing him his heart and soul – it felt right, and safe. He wanted Kurt to know everything about him.

Kurt was stunned, shocked. He felt like he had been pushed into a pool of slushies. He knew that Blaine had a rough life, that things had been tough for him and that his dad hadn't exactly been supportive of his sexuality – but this was cruel.

"I am so sorry, Blaine. I wish I could take that away from you. No one should treat their child that way. No one should treat anyone that way," Kurt said sadly, wishing he could do something.

"Kurt, if he hadn't been that way my mom and I would never have moved here, and then I would never have met you. That's enough to make it up for me," Blaine smiled and turned his hand so he could let his fingers melt in between Kurt's.

"I don't even have an answer for that – I love you," Kurt smiled, honestly lost for words, because his boyfriend had just said that he would rather go through abuse so he could be with him, than live without having been abused that way and never have met him. Was there anything bigger than that? Wasn't that the exact definition of love?

"I love you too. And I know I said it before, but I am really sorry that I lied to you. I just – I was so afraid," Blaine apologized again and Kurt had to squeeze his hand a little tighter.

"Blaine, you never lied to me. It wasn't like you came up to me and said '_I have a penis, let's make out_' – you just withheld information, and I understand that. Anyone would have, because it's a terrifying thing to share with someone. I can't even imagine what you must feel like every day living with this," Kurt said, a pain filling his chest because there was no way he could relate to this. Even before he admitted that he was gay everyone knew, so that hadn't even been a secret. He had never tried anything like it.

"It's been... lonely. But after we got together it hasn't been as it used to be. I don't feel lonely when I'm with you, even when you didn't know."

"I'm glad. I don't want you to ever feel lonely again," Kurt assured him and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend for the first time after all walls had been torn down between them. Nothing was separating them anymore.


	14. For You

Blaine was shifting nervously on the bed. He had been all evening and Kurt was starting to get worried. It had been two weeks since Blaine's revelation and they hadn't had much time to see each other in private because of a lot of school work and Kurt had taken on work at the tire shop to make some money for his New York-fund.

It was Saturday night and they had agreed to not do anything but be together. They had finished all of their homework and domestic tasks over the day so they were sure nothing would stop them. Burt and Susan had even taken a night out for a date and they had talked about Blaine just sleeping in Kurt's bed for the night.

Now they were lying on the bed and for some reason Blaine was keeping a little distance and he kept shifting and twisting on the bedspread. It wasn't like he was lying on the complete other side of the bed, but he hadn't wrapped himself around Kurt the way he used to do it.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked and rested his cheek on the back of his hand. He looked softly to his boyfriend instead of the TV screen and hoped that there was nothing to be concerned about.

"'M fine," Blaine muttered and moved a little to adjust himself against the pillow in his back. He watched the people dancing around on the screen, trying to get a better position, but it didn't help.

He shortly glanced to Kurt's side and saw that he was watching him instead of the movie. His eyes were bright and observing, and his attention was nowhere near the screen. Blaine wondered how long he had been watching him like that.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"It's just... you've been so weird all night. Did I do something?" Kurt looked nervous, a bit scared, actually.

Blaine turned in his seat, facing Kurt now instead of the TV. He wasn't sure what to say or do. He didn't want Kurt to think that he did anything wrong, because he really hadn't. Quite the opposite.

"Do something? No. Not at all. I'm just... tired," he tried, knowing that it wouldn't be enough.

But what was he supposed to say? "_I'm keeping my distance because I'm afraid I'll ravish you_" - surely that wasn't a way to take the conversation.

"Blaine come on, talk to me. You won't even let me close to you. You keep moving away from me. I've been so excited to be with you tonight, but it feels like... something is wrong," Kurt said and put the movie on pause.

He sat up and waited for Blaine to do the same. They were having this conversation. He was not leaving it behind to watch the movie and act like nothing happened.

"I'm sorry. Nothing is wrong. It's just... stupid -" Blaine stammered and started playing with a fold in the bedspread.

It didn't make it any easier that Kurt had chosen to wear his pajamas of a tight, black t-shirt and plaid bottoms that was a bit tight on his ass and crotch but still baggy nonetheless. Blaine couldn't stop wondering what it would feel like to hold his hands on Kurt's ass covered by the soft cotton.

Kurt didn't look convinced. He arched an eyebrow and started chewing on the inside of his lower lip. It was so frustrating that Blaine couldn't just tell him what the problem was instead of wrapping it up and curling in on himself. He really thought they shared everything with each other. He shared everything with Blaine.

"If it bothers you I doubt that it's stupid," he sighed and tilted his head.

_Damn that cute face!_

"It's nothing. Really – come 'ere," Blaine cooed and moved over the bed to put his arm around his boyfriend so he could kiss his jaw, a hope that he could assure him that he had done nothing wrong at all.

His skin started burning from the feeling of Kurt's body pressed close to his own, but he did his best to distract himself by peppering kisses all the way down Kurt's jaw and further down his neck making the boy giggle and writhe in his arms – unfortunately pushing his crotch closer to Blaine's, only serving as fuel for the flames, and it was a battle for Blaine to not let a moan cross his lips.

"Okay. Alright. I believe you. I just wanted to be sure. I've missed being with you. Really being with you, you know -" Kurt giggled and backed his face away so he could kiss Blaine's nose.

The rest of the night they spent with their arms around each other, watching the movie they had picked out, without either of them really seeing it.

Blaine's mind was twirling around the worries of whether Kurt would ever really be okay with what was going on between his legs, and Kurt's brain was buzzing with worries of what could be troubling Blaine – because there really was no way he would believe that Blaine was simply tired. He had been bouncing and silly all afternoon.

**xXx**

Kurt had known that Blaine was different since the first time he met him. Usually boys Blaine's age were a lot more energetic and curious, they would be caught up in sports or TV shows or something else that would make them full of life and beams. They would do all the things their mother said they shouldn't and they would ask questions grown-ups couldn't, or wouldn't, give an answer to.

However; Blaine was nothing like that. He was shy and introverted. He had been sitting politely at the table during dinner and worked his cutlery with more manners and skill than anyone Kurt had ever seen. He followed the rules of dinner parties such as only sipping to his drink when the host did and kept his elbows off the table. He didn't ask Kurt intruding questions into his personal life and he only talked when he was addressed. To put it light; Kurt had been impressed, and even though Blaine was silent and seemed pondering Kurt had quickly taken him to heart.

Now that was two years ago and Kurt was still trying to deal with the information of just exactly how different Blaine was. A lot had happened over the past two years since that evening in August where Kurt had shaken Blaine's hand for the first time and noticed that his skin was incredibly soft.

For example - their parents were married, their rooms were only separated by a bathroom, they were in the same school - and they were secretly boyfriends.

All of that wasn't a problem. On the contrary; Kurt felt really good about it. Yet it had been almost three weeks since Blaine had confessed the biggest secret of his life to him and Kurt had no idea how he felt about it.

He loved Blaine. Much more than he could ever tell, and he was pretty sure that the confession only had made him love Blaine even more, because sharing such a private piece of information with someone took a lot of trust and courage in such proportions that Kurt couldn't even make up something to compare it to.

But as amazing as that was it also put a completely new set of lines for him, for their relationship, but Kurt wasn't exactly sure what those lines consisted of.

Kurt had always known that the first time he had sex it should be with someone he trusted, someone he knew wouldn't leave him after a few rounds - someone he felt connected with. Later he knew that that someone was Blaine.

Although, it was difficult when Blaine was a lot younger than he was. Blaine had only just turned 15 and Kurt would soon turn 18. It didn't seem like much, but to Kurt it was. He kept reminding himself that Blaine had only just hit puberty, he had only just crossed the line from child to teenager. He was still struggling - and now Kurt understood better than ever why his struggling seemed so much harder than others.

It was hard for Blaine to deal with his situation, his difference, but Kurt would not let it be something that would change anything between them, because he didn't see any reason to.

The thing was that during the weeks leading up to Blaine telling him about his secret Kurt had slowly caught himself fantasizing about how it would be to have sex with Blaine. He wanted it and it was getting harder to resist. He dreamed about it at night and woke up in the middle of the night with desperation filling his pants. When he was close to Blaine he was sometimes afraid to touch him because the feeling of Blaine's skin on his could be enough to send his brain into an uncontrollable fog.

And it didn't make it any easier that he knew that Blaine wanted it too.

But the images Kurt used to have of Blaine when he imagined what it would be like to be naked and close with him didn't add up with the reality of how Blaine would look like naked, so now all of Kurt's fantasies had fallen to the floor and he had no idea what to expect of one day seeing Blaine naked, so whenever his imaginations took over he returned to the old images but it made him feel bad, because no matter how much he had always wanted that part he would not have it for as long as he wanted Blaine.

What Blaine had to offer in the physical aspect of their relationship was what Kurt had sought away from when he had tried educating himself on the physicality he was craving. When he had watched movies he had sought away from the female aspects, when he had read online or looked at photos it was the same. He knew nothing about the female part of physicality.

Blaine wasn't female, Kurt was sure of that. He was muscly and had broad shoulders. He had dark hairs on his arms and his jaw was strong. His voice was lower than Kurt's own and his scent was manly. There could never be any doubt that Blaine was the boy Kurt had always known he was.

Yet, now Kurt needed to get acquainted with the female aspect of physicality as well. Or did he? He had always rushed to get away whenever there were pictures or drawings of female genitalia in books or online, or in movies or in sex ed class. He found them creepy and spooky. Male genitalia was much more for Kurt because he knew exactly what they were, how they felt and how to make them feel good - he had never been with anyone but he still had first-hand-experience, to put it very literally.

But Blaine had said that he wanted - both. That he wanted to feel pleasure from both sides, when Kurt had only ever considered one, and it was scary, because he wanted to make Blaine feel good - not just with sex, but also about himself and his body. And would there be anything worse than if Kurt turned down that part of him that he was most ashamed of about himself?

No. Now he had to figure out a way to at least pretend he could be okay with it, because that would make Blaine happy, and if anyone should be happy it should be Blaine.

Luckily it wasn't going to be until in a long time.

Even though he had considered suggesting for them to be together the first time before he left for New York, or the first time Blaine would visit him there. Now he wasn't so sure anymore.

**xXx**

Kurt hadn't taken distance from Blaine after his breakdown where he had put down the entire bold truth of himself. If anything, Kurt had become more cuddly and seemed to want closeness more than ever. There even was a night they had been watching TV with their parents and Kurt snuck his fingers between Blaine's and put his head on his shoulder even though they had agreed to keep that for their alone time.

It made Blaine happy to know that Kurt really had meant the things he had said that night. He didn't think Kurt would ever lie to him, but a mean little voice in the back of his head was still whispering words of doubt every now and then.

The problem, however, was that Blaine's physical need hadn't died out. In fact, it had grown stronger. But now Kurt knew about him, about his difference, and maybe that meant that Kurt wouldn't want to have sex with him before Blaine was thirty - and that might only be anal. Which wasn't where he was heating up every time he looked at Kurt or felt his hands or tongue.

He wanted to discuss it with him, but he wasn't sure Kurt would be ready for it. He had already been fearsome of sex when he thought Blaine's anatomy was like the average teenage boy's, so now he could only understand if that had increased. What Blaine needed was an excuse to take it up without it having to be about them - which was hard enough. How was he supposed to start a discussion about sex when anything remotely sexually was awkward and stumbly for them?

For now Blaine had to settle for stolen moments in the middle of the night when he was alone in the dark and fire was slicking up his skin. The only way to keep it at bay, he had found, was to close his eyes and imagine his hands to be Kurt's as he tweaked his nipples and rubbed his clit persistently before imagining Kurt's cock filling him while he pumped his fingers in and out of himself.

It simply wasn't enough. Some nights his moans of pleasure turned into crying of despair with Kurt's name falling blabbering from his mouth with the thought that even though Kurt knew his secret and wasn't disgusted by it he would never be attracted to it.

Blaine was miserable.

**xXx**

Kurt scrunched his nose. He was glad the entire house was asleep and he was glad he had chosen to turn off the lights before he crawled into bed and turned on his laptop.

Now he was safely hidden by the dark as he was browsing through the dark corners of the internet-jungle where no gay man had ever stepped foot: straight porn!

It was weird. He did his best to look away from the exposed, overly enlarged breasts of the young bleach dyed women with way too long metallic pink nails and a weird idea that sucking lollipops during intercourse was brilliant.

That wasn't what he was there for. The previous night he had browsed through the anatomical medicinal aspects of the female genitalia. He had read through the entire article on Wikipedia and on a few medicinal websites. His head was spinning like crazy and his mouth was dry as he went to bed, completely unable to sleep after all of that clinical information, and haunted by creepy drawings with pointers and Latin terms of the different parts.

Now he had decided that he needed to - watch. See the most common ways of pleasuring and what brought the most pleasure. Unfortunately he had a tough time focusing, feeling dizzy and nauseous, so he stopped the video. It was much easier for him to focus on the man of the video, but whenever he started feeling aroused by the sight of the naked man he felt guilty - because the point of this was for him to teach himself to be comfortable with Blaine.

"Kurt? What are you doing?" A voice suddenly sounded.

Blaine was in his room, staring at him as he was watching straight porn. In panic Kurt gasped and pulled the comforter over his laptop to hide the screen.

"Nothing! I - nothing," he stammered out, his nerves tingling as Blaine closed the door behind him and walked towards the bed.

"Kurt - were you just…" Blaine asked, not sure what exactly it was he had seen on Kurt's screen.

"I was just - for biology; you know," Kurt tried, already knowing that Blaine would never believe that.

He was proven right as Blaine crawled into the bed and removed the sheets from the screen, revealing the porn site he had been browsing for videos, with the words "vagina pleasure" in the search bar.

"Straight porn?" Blaine asked quizzically with a raised eyebrow, not knowing whether he should laugh or cry, wen Kurt hurried to snap the computer closed.

"I'm sorry. Okay? This is just - all this is just so much. I wanna be okay with this, and I wanna be good for you. And I just wanna - and I've tried researching - but I don't know what to do," Kurt blabbered out and his his face in his hands. Shame was coursing through his body and the frustration had tears brimming his eyes. All he wanted to do was be a good boyfriend to Blaine.

"So you watched straight porn? For me? Oh _Kurt_," Blaine cooed and forced Kurt's hands away from his face, overwhelmed by affection from the love this attempt had to be born from.

Blaine took a moment to look at Kurt with a smile before he cupped his face in his hands so he could kiss him deeply, his thumbs brushing caring over his cheeks.

"I just wanna know how to be good to you," Kurt cried.

He was still embarrassed, but not as much anymore now that he was being held in Blaine's arms. The place he knew that he would never have to be embarrassed about anything ever again.

"Kurt, you _are_ good to me. I mean, you love me so much you looked at naked girls for me - that takes a lot of love!" Blaine chuckled and was happy that he could elicit a sniffed giggle from Kurt.

"Why are you even here? You should be asleep," Kurt sighed and ran a hand down Blaine's arm. God he loved those arms.

"I should, but I couldn't. I missed you, so I figured I would sneak into your bed. I knocked the door, but when you didn't respond I thought you were sleeping so guessed I could just crawl in to snuggle you - apparently you were busy elsewhere," Blaine said and ended with a smirk.

"Don't even dare to use that against me," Kurt warned with a pointy finger to the tip of Blaine's nose.

With a heavy sigh he put the laptop on the floor next to his bed and slipped down under the comforter with his eyes locked in Blaine.

"Well? I thought you said that you wanted to snuggle me," Kurt said, and Blaine's body turned warm before he grinned and hurried under the covers to put his arm around Kurt with his one leg over Kurt's and his chin on Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt turned his head to press a kiss to Blaine's lips before they silently agreed that it was time to sleep. However, neither of them fell asleep, but instead they kept each other in warm embraces until Kurt suddenly spoke.

"I ehm - I've got an idea. To how this could be… I don't know what to say. To maybe make this easier," he said, voice nearly a whisper. He wasn't sure if this was crossing the boundaries but he didn't know what else to do.

"Feel free to say no. I will completely understand if you don't want to. It was just a thought and I figured it might be good for both of us and -"

"Kurt, just tell me what it is. If I'm not up for it I'll tell you. I promise," Blaine said and tightened his grip on Kurt's waist, his entire body thrilling with the excitement of what this proposition could be.

"Okay - wow." Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes with a hope that he wasn't going to make Blaine run away screaming.

"I was thinking that… the next time our parents are gone - maybe we could try to be close in like… just underwear. So we can feel each other, but not being naked and without it being about sex. But more so we can get comfortable with each other's bodies, you know. I still wanna wait with having sex… I just want to be comfortable about the thought now so it won't build up as this huge scary fear and I'll make it worse than it is," Kurt rushed out.

He was ready to hide. Now he couldn't imagine why on earth he would say such a stupid ass thing.

Blaine slipped his leg away from Kurt's so he could squeeze his thighs hard together. The heat hadn't even been building, it had just flamed up instantly. It was unbearable.

"Yes! I mean; sure. That's a really good idea," he mumbled as he tried cooling down his thoughts.

He imagined himself in nothing but his underwear, a little baggy on the front from the lack of fill, but perfectly tight on his ass. His torso naked and pressed against Kurt's own naked torso, with their taut nipples grazing each other as Kurt pressed his clothed crotch against Blaine's. His dick so big and hard that Blaine's boxers were soaked between his legs and he couldn't help but swing his leg over Kurt's hip to pull him closer with a need for more.

But no; that wasn't what this was about. This was about helping Kurt to be comfortable about Blaine, the rest would have to wait until later. So he squeezed his legs a little tighter together and caught a whimper in his throat.

"Okay. But still… no sex. This is just experimental," Kurt murmured embarrassed, still a little surprised of his own idea.

"Of course. It'll just be good to - feel you," Blaine assured him and his kissed his jaw.

_Let's see how this goes_, Blaine thought with a smile on his lips before he fell asleep.


	15. Admission

The next day in school Blaine was waiting for Kurt to get off class, so he found himself in the deserted auditorium. He had decided to rehearse a solo he really wanted in glee club and since he didn't have much else to do he might as well take advantage of the time until he and Kurt could go home.

"Hey. That was amazing. You always are," a voice sound and Blaine nearly tripped over the microphone stand. He hadn't noticed Tina entering the stage to sit by the piano and watch him go over the song.

"Hey Tina. Thanks," he stammered awkwardly and walked over to her with insecure steps.

"Uhm... there's something I've been meaning to ask you about, but I couldn't really figure out how to do it," she said and chewed on her lower lip as he sat down next to her and grabbed the bottle of water he had put on the floor.

"Okay. I guess – fire away," he accepted and gulped down a mouthful of water to chase away the rasp feeling in his throat from going over the same notes over and over again, desperate for perfection in every performance he ever did.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She asked apprehensively.

The words hit Blaine like he had run into a brick wall. He nearly choked on his water and felt his cheeks flame up. He didn't dare look at her, afraid that she would know everything just from looking at his face.

"No – how would I ever get a boyfriend?" Blaine cringed, already knowing that he wouldn't be able to convince a snowman that going to Africa was a bad idea.

"Because you're smart and funny and talented and gorgeous – but that's not the point. I... is it Kurt?" She asked, nearly whispering the last part, clearly waiting for it to break or burn.

Blaine's heart froze. For a moment he feared that his lunch was on its way back up. He knew that he had to be pale and his eyes were stinging.

"It's not to pry or anything. I know it's none of my business. It's just... I've noticed you together and the way you look at each other is just – it seems like so much love," she stumbled out.

What was he supposed to do now? What would Kurt do? He would need to convince Tina that she was wrong. He couldn't just tell her that she was right. It was against the golden rule of their relationship.

"Please don't tell anyone. Everyone would go crazy if they knew," Blaine babbled out as he turned to meet her eyes, his face tense and begging.

"Of course I would never tell anyone. I know there's a reason you kept it to yourself. I just needed to ask, because... I really care about you, Blaine, and I want you happy. If you're happy with Kurt I am happy for both of you. You used to be so sad, but lately you've blossomed. But I am sure that everyone else are so full of themselves that they haven't noticed," she explained.

His brain was about to explode. The secret was out. He trusted Tina, knew that she would never betray them, but it still felt wrong that he had told her without discussing it with Kurt. Yet, it was a relief. It felt like the world had been lifted off his chest.

"Thank you. You don't think it's weird?" Blaine asked.

She looked like she was considering it for a moment, and then she smiled broadly before she responded.

"No. Not really. I mean; you're not really brothers, and it's not like you grew up under the same roof. You've been very close for the past two years. I honestly think it would've been a shame if you had let your parents' marriage hold you back if you really like each other," she declared like she had been thinking it over a lot.

"I really, really love him, Tina -" Blaine smiled with a relieved sigh.

"Hey. Are you ready to go home?"

At that moment Kurt came down the stairs and walked over in front of the stage where they were sitting. Blaine lit up and sent Tina a wide grin before he crossed the stage to jump down and pull Kurt close for a kiss.

He went stiff in Blaine's arms, all alarms blinking red and panic fueled by his inner scream. What was he even thinking? They were in the middle of the auditorium, in front of Tina – and everyone could come in any second. Had Blaine gone completely crazy?

"It's okay. Tina sort of guessed about us and I couldn't just lie to her. She promised she won't tell anyone," Blaine said calmly and hoped it would ease Kurt's nerves.

On the contrary Kurt looked even more nervous than he had before. He could feel everything turn inside him and his brain was screaming that he needed to do damage control but no options were offered to save what had been done.

"Oh Tina. Please, please, please promise me that you won't even tell Mike. This can't get out to anyone at all. If it does it can hurt my dad's political career, and Blaine's mom's career. I will never get into NYADA if it comes out and Blaine will have to be here all alone with this and -" Kurt blabbered out, unable to stop the waterfall of words running out of him.

"Kurt. Kurt – it's okay. I won't tell anyone. I promise you I won't!" Tina said and jumped down next to them.

"Kurt, listen – I see how much you guys mean to each other. If it was me with Mike and we had to hide it for some reason... I would trust that you guys wouldn't tell anyone if you found out. I just want you to be happy. And if you're happy together, then I am happy for you," she smiled.

Blaine looked at him with those big, puppy eyes that Kurt had never been able to resist. This was all sorts of wrong, but Blaine seemed so happy to finally have been able to share it with someone. He trusted Tina, but he couldn't help feeling that the more people knew the bigger the chance would be that someone slipped their tongue and it would ruin everything.

"Kurt, it will be fine. I'm sure it will," Blaine tried to assure him, squeezing his arm lightly.

"Blaine, I – okay... it's not like there's anything we can do about it now, but – thank you, Tina. I guess it will be easier to hang out with people in the future. Or... you," Kurt chuckled and let his hand up to grab Blaine's and squeeze it to his chest.

"Yeah. I can imagine it must be hard to stay hidden like that. I don't think I could do it. Just – let me know if you want to hang out some time. You can be as cute and couple-y together as you want," she said and grinned at them.

They stayed and talked for a bit. Blaine bathed in the feeling of being able to hold Kurt close in front of someone, while Kurt tried easing himself into the realization that he didn't need to keep his guards up all the time.

After a while they said goodbye to Tina and headed for the car. They drove home with their hands locked and smiles between them, but they didn't talk. Kurt figured they could talk about it once they came home, but when they arrived Susan was in the kitchen and asked Kurt to come help her, ending up in them spending all afternoon with their parents so they didn't have time before family dinner.

To Blaine's surprise Kurt found his hand under the table while they were eating, and luckily their parents didn't notice anything. At dessert the phone rang and Kurt's dad had to answer it. After a moment on the phone in the kitchen he called Susan to come talk to him and it only took Kurt a fraction of a second to press his lips against Blaine's.

"Kurt – our parents are out there," Blaine smiled surprised, his belly bubbling from the kiss and the sight of Kurt's giddy face.

"Ugh, I'm so tired of sneaking around. I haven't really kissed you all day, so well... we're not sleeping tonight. You're coming to my bed, and we'll be making out all night," Kurt whispered, but rushed back as he heard their parents come back.

They sat down and Susan looked like she was feeling guilty.

"Guys, we're really sorry but we have to go out of town for the weekend. Will you be okay?" Burt said, and Blaine didn't know if he should cry or cheer.

He had plans with his mom in the morning and it was ages since they had done something together. He missed her a lot. But on the other hand it meant alone-time with Kurt – and they did have a deal for next time their parents would be out of town.

"Sure. It's fine. When will you be leaving?" Blaine mumbled.

"We have to go early in the morning and then we won't be back until late Sunday, honey. Is it okay? I promise you I'll make it up to you next weekend, baby -" his mom said, obviously feeling guilty.

"Mom, it's fine. We'll just find another day. I'll be fine -"

"Yeah, it's alright, Susan. Blaine and I will just do something together instead," Kurt assured her and squeezed Blaine's hand, but hurried to release it so he didn't let it linger for too long.

**Xxx**

They told their parents goodbye before they left in the morning and then they proceeded to do their separate things. Blaine went to the music store to look for the Christina Aguilera Christmas album because he had seen it on sale earlier that week where he didn't have any cash with him. Kurt had something to fix on his car so he went to the tire shop. They agreed to meet back home late afternoon to not let anything take up their alone time.

On his way home from the mall Blaine stopped by the tire shop and couldn't help feeling his pulse rise when he watched Kurt leaned over the car in a jumpsuit. He watched him a little from afar as he worked around with the different tools with greasy fingers and his hair a little ruffled. Blaine was impressed to see that he seemed so skilled in what he was doing.

Now they had finished dinner and were lying on Blaine's bed with the TV on. Some sort of quiz was running on the screen. Blaine had his head resting on Kurt's shoulder and their hands were locked between them.

"Are you made about Tina? That I told her?" Blaine asked insecurely. They hadn't had a calm moment alone to discuss it and he didn't want to pretend nothing had happened. If Kurt was upset about it they should talk about it and have it solved.

"No. No, Blaine. I was startled and I sort of panicked. OF course I know that we can trust her. I just wish we could have discussed it first," Kurt sighed and stroke a hand over Blaine's hand.

"I know. Me too. But I couldn't really call you or something. And I didn't want to lie to her," Blaine said and watched as he played with Kurt's fingers.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Now we can hang out with her sometimes. But now... I think we should go to bed," Kurt declared and kissed Blaine's hair before he jumped up and headed for the door.

"Bed? It's only 7.30 and we can sleep late tomorrow," Blaine said confused, furrowing his brows. He knew that Kurt wasn't one to stay up late but this was a new record for him. The earliest he had seen Kurt go to bed if wasn't sick was 10pm.

"I'm not planning on sleeping, silly. I thought we had a deal for the next time we had the house alone," Kurt said playfully, but in reality he was deadly nervous.

What if Blaine didn't want to do it anyway? What if Blaine didn't feel ready? It was a big step for him. He had never been undressed in front of anyone but his mom and his doctors before. He had confided in Kurt that he didn't know how to swim, because even though they had a pool at their old house his dad didn't want him to wear a bathing suit because it was 'too revealing' – but of course Blaine knew what his problem was.

By the sound of Kurt's words Blaine's insides took a roll. He hadn't forgot, he simply hadn't dared hoping that Kurt still wanted to go along with it. He had thought about it since they had discussed it, but neither had mentioned it since their parents had been home since.

"I mean – if you still are okay with it. If you aren't we can just... put on our pjs and watch the movie as usual," Kurt stammered when Blaine simply looked at him.

"No. I wanna do it. Let's do it..." Blaine rushed to say as he pulled himself out of his hypnotized state.

Kurt felt his throat tie up and sent Blaine a smile before turning on his heel to leave Blaine's room so he could go brush his teeth – he wanted to kiss Blaine as much as possible, but definitely not with dinner-breath. He scrubbed his teeth and tongue, fixed his hair and made sure he didn't smell from cooking earlier. Then he slipped on his lightest pajamas and took a deep breath before heading back.

When he returned Blaine was on the bed and the TV was turned off. He was sitting stiffly with his hands resting on his thighs and his legs stretched. He was waiting and he was nervous. What if Kurt changed his mind and found out that he couldn't be okay with it?

"Alright. This is good. I was thinking that... maybe we could get under the covers and then take off our clothes. You know, so you don't have to feel so... exposed," Kurt suggested. Really he knew he would feel exposed himself. It wasn't exactly like he enjoyed having his body put on display.

Blaine appreciated the offer a lot. He was really looking forward to doing this, but he was also scared that the second Kurt noticed the lack of bulge in his underwear he would freak out – or the moment Blaine noticed the presence of great bulge in Kurt's underwear he would lose control.

"Yeah. Yes. Just come here, then."

Blaine got up and pushed the bedspread to the floor so he could crawl under the comforter. As soon as Kurt had turned off the lights he was on his way under himself.

They stayed in the dark without saying a word for a moment before Kurt took a deep breath and slowly started unbuttoning his pajama shirt. Blaine awkwardly got his own shirt open and had it fall to the floor. From there on they undressed in silence until they were only wearing boxer briefs.

"So uhm... I'm done. How about you?" Blaine choked out, his hands tightly grabbing the sheets over his belly.

"Yeah. I'm there too. So eh... I guess this is it. Are you ready? I mean – can I..." Kurt trailed off and slowly shifted to lie on his side where he reached his hand across the mattress, stopping right before he touched Blaine's shoulder.

With a bit fumbling Blaine had his hands under the comforter and got himself shuffled to lie on his side as well. His eyes met Kurt's and with struggling throat he was suddenly pressing his mouth against Kurt's.

Kurt turned stiff from the shock but it only took him a second to press back. He wanted to touch, rest a hand on Blaine's shoulder or on his cheek like he always did when they were kissing, but doing it when they were only in their underwear seemed so odd and intruding.

He could feel the warmth radiating from Blaine's body, and he was suddenly very aware that his nipples were taut since he was so close to letting them brush against Blaine's exposed torso. He felt a craving rise with the heat in his blood and purposely retracted his hips to avoid his erection crashing against Blaine's crotch.

It was like everything was reduced to a blur in the darkness of the room and by the touch of Kurt's skin as Blaine experimentally tried to let his hand slide over his boyfriend's hip and onto his back. In his ears a ghost of rushing blood was throbbing and it was like he was possessed from one moment to the next – driven by Kurt's tongue hard, wet and erotically dancing around his mouth in a way that set a bonfire free between Blaine's legs.

With a determined push of his chest against Kurt's he had the older boy on his back so Blaine could fumble on top of him before Kurt had any chance of realizing what was happening. Blaine was on top of him with a hand resting on the mattress next to Kurt's head and his other hand cupping Kurt's face as he continued to move his lips against Kurt's with a needy pace.

Kurt's hands locked on Blaine's strong shoulders. In the same second Blaine pressed himself onto Kurt's clothed hard-on and whimpered loudly from the feeling. Kurt saw where he was headed, and as much as his balls were about to explode he needed to be mature and stop it before it went out of hand.

The feeling of finally having Kurt's dick so close to his own sex was both intoxicating and dissatisfying. He could feel his underwear wetting and the way Kurt so hard and full, probably aching to fill him up, was enough to swear that he was on the brink of coming. He pressed himself a little harder down, his chest heavy on Kurt's with his kiss growing wilder. It wasn't until Kurt dug his nails into Blaine's shoulders and forced him away that Blaine sensed something was wrong.

"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Blaine asked through heavy panting.

"No, you didn't. You were so... that's not the point. The point is that this wasn't supposed to happen!" Kurt said and cursed away that his arousal was painting his voice in the colors of dark lust and need.

"Come on, Kurt. I want you so much. I'm ready. Don't you want me?" Blaine moaned and moved closer to him, his kiss-swollen lips sliding over Kurt's cheek in a state of delirium caused by the reality of their bodies being so close, only separated by so little.

"What? Of course I... of course I want you. I just – I don't think we're ready for that. You can't really decide now whether you're ready because of hormones and we're close and... no, Blaine – please, not like this," Kurt forced out, this time all lust gone. His voice was completely taken over by his need to explain his boyfriend that it wasn't because he didn't want him, even though one of his boyfriend's biggest fears was for Kurt to turn him down once they started to get intimate.

Blaine abruptly moved away, his eyes big and glistening in the dark of the room where only the comforter was keeping them safe from what nights hide. Blaine's face was cleared of all emotion and he was clearly having an inner debate with himself, scaring Kurt more than he could tell.

"Please, oh god, please don't think this is because I have a problem with your... you know -" Kurt started saying, but he just couldn't get the word over his lips. It was right there, rolling around on his tongue ready to get out, but it wouldn't – he couldn't say it.

"My pussy?" Blaine asked and Kurt felt like he had his face shoved into iced water.

"It's okay, Kurt. I didn't think so. And uhm... you can say it. I know what I am, Kurt."

Blaine wished that he had stopped talking before his voice cracked, but it was too late now and he couldn't stop the sad expression forming on Kurt's face.

"No. No, Blaine. No... it's not what you are – it's what you have. Don't let it define you. That's not what you are," Kurt said weakly and dared his fingertips to graze over Blaine's hand.

"I love you -" Blaine murmured.

"I'm sorry I... ruined it. I just – I really like this, and I really like feeling you and... I really like kissing you when we're like this," Blaine said and turned his hand around to slide his fingers between Kurt's.

"God. I just keep on screwing everything up, don't I? I just continually keep on making this more awkward than it has to be," Kurt groaned as he hid his face in his pillow.

Blaine moved closer and put a chaste kiss to Kurt's moist lips with a little smile. He moved so close that they could feel each other without touching and pushed lightly on Kurt's shoulder so he fell down to lie on his back instead of his side. As soon as Blaine figured it to be good enough he moved over to put his arm around Kurt's waist so he could rest his head on his shoulder.

Kurt's belly filled with butterflies and a grin spread over his face. It only took him fraction of a second to rush his arms around Blaine's shoulders so he could clench him tight and kiss his hair.

The feeling of skin on skin was overwhelming and Blaine figured that if they weren't going to do anymore this was definitely worth it. Somehow it felt like they were experiencing each other in a whole new way, and yet it felt like they had always done this. It was perfect and comforting.

"I don't care that we don't do it now. I like this," Blaine mumbled and let his hand traced over Kurt's soft fine hairs on his arm, so much more innocent and pure than the dark hair covering his own arms.

"Me too. We should have done this before. I like that I can – really feel you now," Kurt cooed and squeezed his boyfriend a little tighter.

"Yeah. I could feel that -" Blaine joked, but wished that he could have stopped it even before the words left his mouth.

"Oh god! Oh god that was so embarrassing. Please don't ever mention that again. I just couldn't help it. I'm sorry," Kurt blabbered out, completely flustered and glad Blaine couldn't see his face.

Until Blaine turned his head and stared at Kurt with big dark eyes.

"What? Kurt, that was so hot. I couldn't believe it was real. You felt so good. I was so... wet. For you," he admitted under his breath and dug his fingers into Kurt's side, flame heating just from the thought that he had actually rubbed himself almost directly on Kurt's cock.

"Really? I was so scared you were going to panic or hate me or..."

"Of course not. I've always known that you are beautiful and sexy but... wow that was amazing. One day -" Blaine said with a breathless chuckle and kissed Kurt deeply before lying back down on his shoulder as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah. One day," Kurt agreed with a whisper, running his fingers around the locks on the back of Blaine's neck.


	16. Closer

March was coming to an end and so was the terrible knowledge of Kurt's application for NYADA. He would have to send it out by the end of the week and the ghost of it was hanging over their heads constantly, making the boys more needy and clingy for each other, public appearances growing harder to tackle.

They had experimented with sleeping close in their underwear more often. Lately it had almost become a regular thing of taking turns to creep into each others bed every night, stripping down to their boxer briefs and melting into each others arms only to get up early in the morning so their parents wouldn't find out.

The need for each other was gradually growing stronger and the feeling of skin on skin nearly didn't seem to keep the craving at bay anymore. They kept their hands above bellybuttons as well as kissing down necks and over collarbones had silently stopped, both knowing it would only fuel flames they couldn't act upon.

Keeping their relationship secret was one thing that was growing harder to keep up, but their hormones didn't exactly do much good either.

**xXx**

Kurt felt sick when he woke up. He hurried to shower, washing himself thoroughly and skipped breakfast when he came downstairs. To his sadness he was relieved that Blaine didn't have class until later so he didn't have to face him. He hurried to school and sat in his car, sick to his stomach and his head spinning out of control.

The entire day he did his best to avoid Blaine in the halls and pushed away his phone when Blaine sent him a text. With every step he took he considered if he should ask the nurse to say he could go home, but he didn't want his dad and Susan to ask questions. He just needed to push this away.

He went directly home to hide up in his room. He was tired and wanted to take a nap, but he kept himself awake to avoid the dreams creeping in over him. He had no idea what was going inside of him, what was happening to him and his body.

He stayed in his room for the rest of the day. He was restless and tried doing his homework on/off. He tried rehearsing his steps for glee club but gave up because he couldn't concentrate, and his fashion magazines definitely weren't looking much attractive to him at the moment.

So he fell on his bed, face-forward into the pillows with a small growl, and a prickling down his spine. He listened to the cars driving by the house outside his window, and to the footsteps coming up the stairs, followed by a knocking on the door.

"Kurt? Can I come in?" Blaine's voice sounded on the other side of his door. He sounded worried, which only made Kurt's stomach curl up.

"It's not so good. I'm not really feeling well," Kurt tried in his best feigned pathetic voice.

There was a moment, and Kurt wondered if Blaine had just left, but then the door was slowly opened and Blaine peeked inside, pale and worry painted all over his face.

"Please. I just wanna take care of you, that's all -" Blaine said, his plea filling the sound of his voice. He took a careful step into the room so he could close the door behind him, but stayed as close to the wall as possible.

"Did I – did I do something wrong? You've been avoiding me all day," he mumbled, not looking at Kurt, and Kurt felt guilt wash in over him. His stomach tied to a knot and he couldn't figure out if he was about to throw up or pass out. He had put that expression on Blaine's face. He made him look so scared.

He forced himself to sit up and did his best to fix his eyes on Blaine's face, still avoiding his eyes, but desperately needing to let Blaine know that he hadn't done anything wrong.

"No. No, Blaine. You didn't do anything. Don't think that. It's me. I just had a bad dream last night. Or – I don't know if 'bad' is the way to say it. The point is... you've done nothing wrong," Kurt assured him, his voice weak but struggling to be convincing.

Blaine still didn't look at him. He curled his arms around his chest and crossed his legs, making the muscles of his front thigh very visible through the mustard chinos.

How could he just sit there and watch Blaine pain himself that way? It wasn't right. But it was like Kurt couldn't move. The dream was still so vivid in his mind.

"What – what kind of dream? Was it something about me?" Blaine asked and fumbled with the button on his shoulder. He was wearing the navy sweater Kurt had picked out for him. He loved that sweater to no ends, he always thought it made Blaine's hazel eyes pop and his tan skin seemed so dark on the side of Kurt's pale.

But that was question Kurt really couldn't handle. That was why he hadn't told Blaine about his dream before – because he didn't want to analyze whether it was about his relationship to Blaine... because deep down he knew that it was all about Blaine.

"Oh god. It was – wasn't it? Did I do something wrong? Kurt, you know I just..." Blaine started to apologize, his beautiful orbs huge and concerned, brimming with all the words he couldn't get himself to speak.

Within a second Kurt was on his feet and grabbed Blaine's hand, forcing him to fold his hand around Kurt's in return. He looked down on their hands before back to Kurt's dresser where his crystal perfume bottles were cutely arranged.

A rush ran through Blaine the way it always did when his skin made contact with Kurt's. He didn't think he would ever get used to it, and he was glad, because he would never want to be one of those guys that thought of his boyfriend as someone who was just there instead of appreciating his presence to fullest.

"You didn't do anything, Blaine. I could never think you would. Not even unconscious could I think you would do something wrong. Blaine, you're perfect -" Kurt said softly and stroke a hand down Blaine's cheek, making his face blush. Kurt loved when he could feel Blaine's face go warmer because of him.

"Will you tell me about it, then?" Blaine asked, now letting his eyes meet Kurt's, and how was he supposed to say no to that? That would be like kicking a puppy.

"I don't know..." He trailed off and let his hands fall. He turned around and walked to sit back on the bed. He stared at his hands for a moment, recalling the feeling of Blaine holding his hand, before he took a deep breath and put his hand to the bed next to him and looked to his boyfriend by the door.

"Alright. Come sit down. Please don't make any rash decisions to analyze this or anything – I am really trying to avoid doing that myself," Kurt sighed.

He watched as Blaine's face transformed from scared to confused and back again. He took a few nervous steps across the room and sat down next to Kurt, his eyes fixed on Kurt's cheek – not his eyes.

"So – what happened? Was it something with like... burning buildings or paint all over your clothes?" Blaine asked, his voice a low murmur and Kurt cringed by the mental image that created.

"God no. God – no, that would definitely have been a nightmare," he shivered, relieved to have reality pushed away for a second before he shook himself back to the issue at hand.

"No it was... it was like a – a sexual dream," Kurt said, and his face set on fire.

Blaine shifted nervously on the bed. He had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Did that mean that Kurt had a sex dream about them together? Maybe he had dreamed that Blaine was... normal. He didn't like that – but he wouldn't blame him.

"Okay – and uhm... what about it?" He asked, his voice suddenly rasp, so he tried to clear his throat but it only resulted in a weak cough instead.

"It wasn't like... it was you – but still not really... it was -" He took a moment and hid his face in his hands. How was he going to ever look at Blaine after admitting this?

"You were a girl, Blaine! I knew it was you... but you were a girl. I mean... you didn't have, like – boobs – but..." He stammered, knowing that tears were just waiting to take over and he would lose it completely.

"Kurt, that's... kinda what I look like... there. I don't have boobs, but... _there_, I look like a girl," Blaine said awkwardly, feeling sick.

"_But you're not a girl, Blaine!_ But you were in my dream! And we did stuff. We were – doing stuff I could never do with a girl. But I wanna do that with you, but..." Kurt was on the edge of tears. He could feel it, and Blaine could see it.

The world was crumpling around him. What did this mean?

"Kurt... did you – did you consider that you weren't dreaming about me as a girl, but... maybe it's your subconscious trying to ease you into – you know, being okay with me being weird?" Blaine asked after way too long silence.

"You're not weird, Blaine! It's me – I'm the one who's messed up," Kurt blabbered out, his voice rising in pitch.

"Kurt, breathe. Do you want me to go? I can leave so you can have some time to think about it. It really doesn't have to be anything bad," Blaine said and let his fingers stroll closer to Kurt's thigh, but stopped right before he reached him. He wasn't sure Kurt could handle physical contact at the moment.

To be quite fair Blaine had no idea if he was trying to convince him or Kurt more. He was sure that Kurt wasn't going insane, and he was definitely sure that Kurt wasn't turning straight. No, Blaine was secure that Kurt was very much gay, and just as much was he certain that Kurt didn't think of him as a girl.

What he wasn't so sure about was that it was Kurt's subconscious trying to tell him that he was ready to be okay with Blaine's condition. In fact, he was terrified that it was Kurt's subconscious trying to scream at him that he wasn't.

Kurt had felt Blaine's malfunction to a certain extent. He hadn't touched directly, but Blaine had not seen himself too go to press his pelvis against Kurt whenever they were cuddling in their underwear, and even though Kurt tried to ignore it he had heard Kurt's hisses and seen the vague tint of red spreading in his cheeks whenever Blaine's lower body pressed against his.

So Blaine knew that even though they didn't talk about it Kurt was fully aware of the situation – and maybe his brain had caught up and was now telling him to back out before he would find himself in too deep.

"I – I think I need a little time. Thank you," Kurt mumbled weakly and dared his fingertips to cover Blaine's.

"Oh... alright. I'll – just leave then. But if you want anything just let me know, okay?" Blaine said and stood up with a heavy heart.

He crossed the floor and looked back on Kurt who had a pained expression filling his face before he opened the door and left the room.

He waited in the hall in front of Kurt's door for a moment, like he expected Kurt to call him back, but when nothing happened he sighed and headed to his room. There he fell on his bed and turned on his TV.

Nothing good was on so he turned it off and grabbed the newest issue of GQ off his nightstand. He flipped through the pages and sniffed all the perfume samples, ran his fingers over the pictures of pretty men with fashionable stubbles and masculine muscles. Like the days where he had a particular hard time dealing with himself and his body he rushed through the underwear ads, desperate to not be presented to the images of flashy colors with bulges that was up for nothing but envy and heartache from Blaine.

Of course the magazine was filled with swimsuits, the season for beaches and pools right around the corner, and without realizing what he was doing he threw the magazine against the wall with all of his force. Naturally he missed and the magazine crashed heavily against the dresser, making a picture of him and Kurt fall forwards and a CD fall to the floor.

"Blaine – are you okay?" Kurt's voice suddenly asked.

Just as Blaine had thrown the magazine Kurt had opened the door to his room and watched it all happen. He had knocked quietly before he walked in, but when he didn't hear anything he figured that Blaine might have fallen asleep.

"Kurt? I – I didn't see you," Blaine said sheepishly, now feeling stupid at what he had done.

Kurt looked to the picture on the dresser before he looked to the magazine on the floor – as if planned it had opened on a double page spread of a long line of men in tight speedos, shorts and some only underwear. Showing off all they had, and everything Blaine wish he had.

Cutting of reason Kurt kicked the magazine as hard as he could, making it fly under Blaine's bed, the pages crumbling up. He hurried to the bed where he crawled on his knees and straddled Blaine's thighs, locking his knees around his hips so there was no way he could escape. He cupped his face and pierced his eyes into Blaine's for the first time that day.

"You're beautiful. You're my man, Blaine. The best man in the world," he said firmly.

Kurt let his one hand slide down Blaine's chest, over his shoulder and down to end on his bicep where he let his thumb caress over it with soft strokes.

"You're strong. You're so fit I'm starting to consider you have muscles I don't have. Sometimes, when you hold your arms around me, I think that if you squeezed a little harder than meaning to, you could crush me. But I feel safe in your arms, because I know you can protect me from everything and everyone," Kurt revealed with a smile before he let his other hand wander.

He let his hand travel down Blaine's chest but didn't stop there. He continued down to his belly and lightly lifted his polo so he could let his palm lie flat against the soft skin under Blaine's bellybutton. A spot he very much enjoyed to show some love when they were cuddling.

"You have this cute little line here – it's the first time I get why it's called a happy-trail. I think it's manly and sexy," he smiled and his face went ablaze.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, but hurried to find Blaine's again before he let his hand travel down to cup the spot between Blaine's legs – the only place on Blaine's body his hand had never touched before.

"And this – this does not show how much of a man you. This is something I – something I will learn to love. Because it is a part of what makes you the strongest man in my eyes," he said, his voice sounding much weaker to himself than he had planned, and he was pretty sure it was about to break.

He squeezed a little, and Blaine felt a chill run through him as the heel of Kurt's hand pressed on his clit, his fingertips pressing against his entrance. The sensation only lasted a moment, though, because Kurt put his palm against Blaine's chest, to his heart.

"This – is what defines a man. And you are more man than any of those photoshopped, fake robots in that magazine. I love your heart, I love it when you have a little stubbles, I love it when you've just come home from the gym and you don't know but I look at you and think you look sexier than anything in the world. I love it when you flex your arms, and your pecs and abs go all macho. I love it when you squeeze my hand so it hurts a little bit, but it's good because I know you're strong. But I also love -"

Another deep breath. This was a step he had no idea he was ready to take.

"...this part of you. _Because_ it is part of you. And it doesn't make you any less of a man. This has nothing to do with your gender. The fact that you dared telling me about it makes you more of a man than anyone in the world, if you ask me," Kurt said, his hand back between Blaine's legs, his hand lightly cupping over the spot, his thumb stroking over Blaine's thigh out of lack of what to do about himself.

Blaine had been listening, not daring to move his eyes away from Kurt's. It was a struggle to not buck his hips slightly so he could press his crotch deeper into Kurt's touch, but he forced himself to stay still – also to keep his tears in check.

Only a few months ago he believed that no boy could ever love him when they knew his secret. Much less did he believe that Kurt could ever love him at all – at least not in the way he had been doing since October, but never in a million years would he have dared to imagine Kurt talking so open and honest about his image of Blaine in this relation.

"And – I think you're right. I've been thinking and... if you want to you can visit me the first weekend after I have moved to New York, and – we can try," Kurt said under his breath, biting his lower lip with his eyes flickering between Blaine's, hoping there was a tiny shot for him to see through what was going on in his head.

"I – I love you so much," Blaine cried and moved forward to grasp his hands around Kurt's face, pressing their mouths so hard together that their lips hurt, but all Kurt could do was return the force.

Kurt's hand was awkwardly trapped between them, pressing against their genitals on each side of his hand, and for a moment Blaine considered rutting his hips a little but he didn't want to push his luck.

"I love you too. I do, Blaine. Would you please just stop looking at all of those ridiculous ads and see them like the definition of a man? Because they're not. I don't care about... dicks. There – I said it!" Kurt grinned, embarrassed that he had taken the word in his mouth, but not regretting for a second when Blaine chuckled against his lips.

"You said dick," he laughed.

"I did! For you! Because they're pointless," Kurt smirked, pressing kisses to Blaine's mouth between every other word.

"I wouldn't say all dicks are pointless," Blaine teased and pushed his hips a little closer to Kurt's hand where he know it would press against Kurt's own crotch.

In a smooth motion Kurt had his hand moved up to lock his arms around Blaine's neck, their noses brushing against each other as they kissed.

"I'm ready, Kurt. I just – want it over with. Not like that... I just want to know what it feels like. To be with you," Blaine admitted and let his eyes flicker a little around the room before back to Kurt's.

His hands were locked on Kurt's back, and something inside of him was daring him to run them down to grab Kurt's ass and squeeze it lightly. He needed to feel it so badly.

"I – I might need a little time more. But... I think in a few months I will be good. And then... if I live by myself, and you come visit me – we won't have to worry about our parents, or anything. We will have an entire weekend to just – get used to being with each other like that. So it won't be rushed. I want it to be perfect, Blaine," Kurt sighed.

It was a relief to talk so openly about it. It was a relief to have some sort of horizon of when his craving would be satisfied. But it was also scary that he had just put a deadline to how long he would have left to be completely comfortable about Blaine's body.

"If uhm... if you want to we can start with like – the traditional way," Blaine suggested in a murmur, his voice low and husky.

He wanted to do anal. Some day. But to be honest he didn't want his first time to be like that. That wasn't where his need was killing him when he was in bed alone at night, thinking about the way Kurt looked in his underwear.

"No. I mean – I wanna do that. Until recently I thought that was the only way I would ever be doing anything. But – I want this to be for both of us. I will be okay. I promise," Kurt assured him, surprised that he suddenly thought he could make such a promise.

He placed one last kiss on Blaine's nose and slipped down to sit on the bed instead. They fell down to cuddle up with their arms around each other without talking anymore about it for the rest of the day. As soon as Blaine's mom called up the stairs for them to get down for dinner they shared a few haste kisses and kept their hands locked until they were at the stairs and had to put on their best mask of innocence as they joined their parents at the table.

By the end of the evening they told their parents that Kurt would sleep in Blaine's room so they could watch Downtown Abbey all night.

The moment they were back in Blaine's room he got ready to push Kurt against the room so he could kiss him as much as he had craved to do while being with their parents, but to his dismay Kurt snuck around him and bent down (alright, not that much dismay) and picked up the magazine that was still lying on the floor.

"Watch this!" He declared and found the swimsuit spread where he tore out the pages and ripped them to pieces, one by one, and let them all fall into the wastebasket by Blaine's desk.

"If I ever see you let anything like this bring you down again I will burn it all. The entire magazine. Got that?" He said firmly and let the torn leftovers fall to the desk.

"Kurt... I promise. I have you, right -" Blaine sighed and walked over to put his arms around Kurt's waist so he could nuzzle his nose against his cheek.

"Exactly. If you ever doubt yourself just tell me and I will go on and on and on about how remarkable you are. Always," he smiled and nudged his own nose against Blaine's cheek.

It didn't take them long to get out of their clothes and turn off the light so they could crawl under the comforter. The moment they had their arms around each other it felt like the only natural way for them to be. This was the only right way for them to go to sleep.

They didn't even turn on the TV. They lay as close as they possibly could and chatted about school and Kurt's huge dilemma of what color he should buy a pair of shoes in. They talked about how nice it was for them to be able to talk to Tina without being nervous of her seeing something they didn't need to hide from her anymore.

When it was late they slowly faded into tender kisses and sweet caresses, like every night. They took their time to quietly show each other their love through touches and gestures, only sounds were those of their slightly heavy breathing through their noses and the sound of their lips moving in unison.

"I uhm – I've been ready for a long time," Blaine whispered through the dark, happy that he was sure Kurt couldn't see his face.

"What do you mean?" Kurt wondered and shifted his head a little on the pillow, not having the slightest idea what Blaine could be referring to.

"To, you know, try. I mean – I always think of you when I... t -" Blaine stammered but was abruptly stopped.

Kurt's head started spinning, his cock twitching in his underwear. Had Blaine really just said that? Oh god, yes he had.

"Blaine!"

His face was boiling and images of Blaine twisting and writhing, naked on the bed, while moaning Kurt's name, formed in his head.

"Are you – I mean... do you – do you do that a lot?" He stuttered, and suddenly he was very aware of his body pressed against Blaine's, only seconds away from his erection boring into Blaine's hip.

"Not a lot! Just... a couple of times. Don't you ever... do that?" Blaine revealed, hoping Kurt wouldn't be mad at him for asking.

"No! Well... I mean – I never did. But then we got together and... one day I sort of – it sort of just happened," Kurt mumbled and now there was no way Blaine couldn't feel that so he struggled to lie completely still.

"I think of you, too -" Kurt whispered.

In a quick second Blaine was lying on his side, his body completely mirroring Kurt's position. He let his hand slowly slide down Kurt's stomach, and he could feel Kurt holding his breath just as much as he was himself.

And then Blaine was cupping his hand around Kurt's erection. Big and hard, warm and heavy in his hand. He squeezed a little, causing Kurt to spit out the air he had been holding in, and Blaine could feel his pussy so wet and throbbing that he nearly was surprised that he could hear the rushing of his blood in his veins.

"I think that's really sexy. I think you're really sexy," Blaine whispered and moved closer to let his tongue slip into Kurt's mouth.

Somehow he managed to keep his hand closed around Kurt's dick. He was afraid to do anything, but when Kurt let his hand around to press on Blaine's ass it couldn't impossibly get any better.

Kurt couldn't believe that this was happening. Blaine's hand was on his cock, his very hard cock – his cock that was threatening to explode from the tiniest movement.

"We should... we should sleep now," Kurt rushed to say and moved a little away, removing his hand from Blaine's ass (lord, what a nice feeling that ass was in his hand) and Blaine responded by rushing his hand away as well.

"Yeah. Yeah... yeah, we should," Blaine agreed, though really not wanting to agree. He never wanted to move his hand away. Even as he curled it against his chest he could still feel the ghost of Kurt's dick against his palm.

With a heavy sigh Blaine snuggled closer to Kurt who instantly put his arm around him and kissed his forehead.

"My man. I love you."


	17. Sunday Darkness

It had now been two weeks since Kurt sent in his NYADA application. Neither of the boys had said a word about it and whenever Blaine was around Kurt only mentioned it if someone asked. He was dying on the inside to constantly talk about NYADA or New York or graduation – but he didn't want to think about what it would mean for Blaine, and even less did he want Blaine to think about it.

To do something different for a change they invited Tina to a movie night at their house. Kurt's dad had a meeting out of the house. One of those important ones where their parents wouldn't be home until late Sunday night. This made a great opportunity for Tina to come over early Saturday so they could cook dinner and pick out movies together before letting themselves completely over to not leaving the couch, talk about handsome movie stars and gossip about people at school.

It was nice to be with someone and not have to hide. Kurt and Blaine weren't all over each other, but it felt good to be able to hold hands or sit close and still have a casual conversation with a friend.

Tina asked about their relationship. Curious, but not intruding. She asked how long they had been together and how it felt to be living with a secret boyfriend. She sympathized with the struggle it was to keep it a secret from everybody, but she also saw the fun in how romantic it was to have a secret of that sort.

They all went to sleep in Blaine's bed. All three of them were in their pajamas and Blaine was the first to cave in to fatigue. He fell asleep against Kurt's chest after him and Tina had tried explaining to Kurt how even straight women and gay men should be happy for Mila Kunis nude scenes.

"Thank you. For not telling anyone about us. It's been really hard to keep this a secret, but... it's easier now," Kurt whispered when he and Tina finally turned off the TV and sunk down the bed, Kurt's movement pulling Blaine closer in his arms. Blaine's hair tickled his chin as he made a sleepy sound and squeezed his arms around Kurt, not surprisingly making Kurt's heart jump.

"Of course. I'll keep your secret for as long as you want. I can't even imagine what it must be like," Tina whispered back.

"It's awful. Terrible. Whenever I see him I just wanna hug him or take his hand or kiss him – but I can't. And to see other couples be close... it kills me. I just wanna take him out and spoil him and show the whole world that he's with me. He's really had a rough time and he's only 15. I just want him to be happy for once," Kurt blabbered out, surprised by how he almost couldn't stop himself now he finally was allowed to speak up.

"He _is_ happy, Kurt. He is happy because he's with you. I don't think anything in the universe matters to him as long as he has you. It shines right out of him," Tina said softly and Kurt felt a warmth spread in his belly. Others saw Blaine being happy with him. That had to be the best compliment he had ever gotten in his life.

"It's sweet how much you care for each other. You both deserve to be happy," she said and sleepily rubbed her eyes.

"When I move to New York it'll be easier. Blaine can visit me and we won't have to hide. But Tina... will you please promise me to take care of him when I'm gone?" Kurt asked, the New York-knot in his throat throbbing from the reality of speaking the words out loud.

"I promise. He won't be alone. I could never let him be," she assured him.

Yes, movie nights with Tina had to be one of the nicest things to happen. And now that she had promised to take care of Blaine a fraction of Kurt's worries had been calmed down. What more else could he do?

**xXx**

Waking up Sunday they felt more lazy than good was. They dragged themselves to the kitchen and settled for breakfast in the form of cereal and bagels with coffee on the side since none of the three was up for making anything more complicated than that.

They spent the morning in their pajamas on the couch, watching cartoons and talking about nostalgic stuff such as TV shows they had grown up with and singing along to Disney songs.

Around noon Tina got dressed and gathered her stuff. They all hugged goodbye and agreed to repeat the successful night. The moment she was out the door the boys put their arms around each other and stayed in each others embrace in the hall for a few minutes before returning to the living room.

When they finally convinced themselves they couldn't stay on the couch all day they decided to do a little stuff by themselves. Kurt had a big organizing task in his closet that he wanted to fix and Blaine had some homework he needed to finish, so they agreed to retreat to their separate bedrooms and do what they needed and get back together later.

A couple of hours later they met in the kitchen where they met in the kitchen where they arranged the leftovers from Saturday's dinner for lunch and sat down to eat while discussing an issue of cyber bullying the media had covered a lot lately.

They decided to take a walk to not feel like they had spent the entire weekend in the house, but after half an hour they headed back home. The minute they were back inside they went to the couch to entangle themselves in each other.

Kurt quickly took his favorite spot: lying on top of Blaine with Blaine's limbs wrapped as good around him as they could possibly manage. They fell into a nap almost immediately, Blaine with the thought that at this point nothing could touch them or take them apart as the last thing that filled his brain before sleep took over.

**xXx**

When Blaine woke up his watch said 7.30 PM. Their parents wouldn't be home until midnight so he figured a little public cuddling wouldn't hurt. He let his hand run discretely under Kurt's top to stroke his back. In response Kurt moved his head a bit and hummed against Blaine's chest with a smiling kiss pressed to his collarbone.

"We should get up," Blaine mumbled, not that he agreed in any way. Getting up meant being more than a millimeter away from Kurt and right now he found that about as good an idea as the holocaust.

"I don't want to. I just wanna stay here -" Kurt whined, sounding like a child refusing to go to school on an early winter morning.

"...so I can kiss you," he ended with a smirk and stretched his neck to kiss Blaine's chin.

_How is he so perfect?_ Blaine thought with a chuckle and lowered his head so he could plant a kiss on Kurt's lips.

It all happened very fast. Suddenly there was much more energy flowing between them than had been in either of them over the entire weekend. Kurt's hands were under Blaine's shirt, a thumb massaging a nipple. Blaine's hands were cupping Kurt's ass, pressing him down so his erection – now very obvious through his pajama pants – rubbing against Blaine's crotch.

Their mouths were moving wet and sloppy. Both boys were moaning and groaning through kisses. Hips were rutting mindlessly against each other without any shame or thought for logic or sense.

"I love you, Blaine -" Kurt moaned and sucked Blaine's lower lip into his mouth. He let a hand down to rub his thumb harshly over Blaine's exposed hip, causing Blaine to rut his crotch even harder against Kurt's. The situation and action had now reached a point where it was so intense that Blaine could swear that he was on the edge of coming in his pants from the friction.

"What's going on here?" A shockingly well-known voice sounded behind the couch.

They froze on the spot. They could feel Blaine's mom watching them with her voice as a horrifying echo in the back of their minds, but both too terrified to look. Their parents weren't supposed to be home until in the middle of the night – they should have hours left for casual fooling around.

Kurt was the first. He bucked his hips as discretely as possible to indicate for Blaine to remove his hands from his ass. With a throbbing in his throat he took a deep breath and turned his head. He was met by both of their parents watching them with shock taking up their faces.

From the sight he rushed to sit up, pushing Blaine's legs away to untie from their place around him. That was enough to shake Blaine out of his paralyzed state and hurry to sit up himself.

They didn't dare look at each other, but from the corner of his eye Blaine could see Kurt do his best to hide his boner – which was visibly bulging behind the soft cotton. Kurt squeezed his thighs together, but gave up and pulled his knees to his chest.

"Dad! I – we – I... you weren't supposed to be home until tonight," Kurt choked out, but immediately regretted. In hindsight that probably wasn't what he should have broken the silence with.

"I find my two sons humping each other on the living room couch, and you complain that we're home early -" Kurt's dad snapped in a dark voice.

Blaine felt himself shrink. Next to him Kurt was pale as a ghost and Blaine himself was sure his face was about to explode from overheating.

"We weren't... _humping_," Kurt groaned embarrassed.

"What is this? You better not have any plans cause it seems like owe us an explanation, and I'm pretty sure this is gonna take some time," Blaine's mom said. Her face bore evidence of a noisy war between shock and horror roaming in her head.

"Can I just -" Kurt started and got to his feet, but his dad pointed a finger to the couch. No one was leaving now.

"Sit! We're gonna go get out of our coats and then we will all discuss this. And keep your hands to yourselves," Burt declared, the order firm and left no room for questions.

Their parents disappeared to the hall, leaving a pounding silence in their wake. The boys didn't so much as look at each other. The atmosphere was thick with fear and embarrassment. Not to mention the sexual tension that had been so close to being released that it only made it even more frustrating than it was before they started.

Blaine clenched his thighs together, wanting to press his hand against his crotch or do anything that could make the throbbing stop. Yet, he didn't even move, which only increased how startled he was when Kurt abruptly turned on the couch, out of nowhere facing him.

"I think we need to tell them. Everything. How long we have been together, how we've been sneaking into each others beds, why we kept it secret," Kurt blabbered out, desperate to have it said before their parents returned.

They could hear them talk in the hall, their voices sounding like they were discussing but trying to avoid the boys hearing. Then there was rustling of coats and they knew it was a close call.

"How we love each other... it will only make it all so much easier if they know," Blaine said weakly and dared his hand to scoop over the couch to put it lightly on top of Kurt's.

Kurt looked down on Blaine's hand covering his and smiled. It was true. That was the most important part – how much they loved each other. How much they only cared about being together. How much that had become the most crucial point in their life – even despite how certain Blaine been that he would be alone forever.

He was just about to agree. To tell Kurt that he also thought it would be for the best. Then their parents returned to the living room. They sat down in a chair each and stared at their sons for what felt like the longest wait in the history of waiting.

"Would either of you care to explain what's going on?" Blaine's mom asked, both boys curling in on themselves with shivers down their spines.

"I... Blaine and I are – together," Kurt mumbled thickly.

"What?!" His dad burst out, shock – but not surprise – filling his voice and features.

"You need to give us a little more to work with here," Susan exclaimed, her expression matching her husband's.

"It's my fault!" Blaine said out of nowhere. He wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he knew that he wasn't going to let any of this get Kurt into problems. On his side Kurt was staring at him like he had just declared he was Superman.

"I liked Kurt... and he didn't know. But one day I just couldn't keep it in anymore. So I told him. Because I had been so depressed – and Kurt was worried. But then I told him, and he returned it... and we've been together since," Blaine explained awkwardly, avoiding all kind of contact with anyone in the room.

"How long has this been going on?" Burt asked. His voice was sharp and threatening to rise. Blaine knew that if he looked at him he would start crying. He felt more guilty than he ever had in his life.

"Since October, dad -" Kurt said quietly.

"When were you planning on telling us?" Susan inquired.

Blaine dared to shoot a quick glance in Kurt's direction and watched him chew on his lower lip as he was looking down on his fingers nervously twisting on his knees.

"We weren't," he muttered guiltily.

"It's not like we threw ourselves mindlessly into something. We discussed it very closely. About what it would mean for us, for _you_, if people knew. We know it could cause you trouble with your jobs, and we didn't want that for you – so we kept it to ourselves," Blaine tried to rationalize.

"So you were just gonna lie to us for the rest of your lives, is that it?"

The respect Blaine felt for Burt crept under his skin and he felt like giving him a standing apology. He knew that wasn't how things were done in the Hummel-Anderson house, but all of his instincts told him that he had gone against the wishes of the man of the house and he should fix it – now!

"No! Of course not! We just haven't talked about when or how to say anything. I guess we were nervous about how you would take it," Kurt made clear and let his feet slide down the couch. He sat straight and forced himself to look at his dad.

"Dad – Susan... this isn't just some – fling. We've thought this through, _talked_ this through. We really care about each other. We love each other. Trust me; I've considered that maybe it would be for the best if we weren't together, but... I don't want to be without Blaine. And I'm pretty sure Blaine doesn't want to be without me either," Kurt said, suddenly feeling very steady and clear in his head. Certain that this was what needed to be done.

"It's true," Blaine confirmed and felt himself move to the side so he was sitting closer to Kurt than probably was reasonably at the moment, but took his hand nonetheless.

"Mom... you know how I've felt about myself all of my life – but with Kurt I don't feel like that anymore," Blaine admitted. At this moment he didn't see any point in keeping anything in. He might as well get everything out in the open.

"Have you..." Susan started, but trailed off and squeezed her lips to a thin line. It wasn't hard to guess what she had been about to ask.

"I know about Blaine. About his – condition. We haven't done anything and we agreed not to. But it's not because of that. That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make me love him any less. It makes me love him even more that he trusted me enough to tell him. I admire him for holding his head so high," Kurt declared and subconsciously tightened his grip on Blaine's hand.

"You sure never... did anything? We've heard you sneak into each others rooms in the middle of the night, noticed how much time you've been spending together behind closed doors – always an excuse for being alone," Burt pointed out.

He didn't seem sharp anymore. He seemed confused and uncertain. Burt Hummel never liked when he wasn't aware of what was going on in his house.

"Of course we're sure! We talked about – those things. And we agreed to wait. There are a lot of things we've taken into consideration, but honestly, dad, that's not really something I'm comfortable discussing with you," Kurt said, a little snappier than he should have, but there was no way he was talking about his sex-life and plans for such with his father and his step-mom.

A veil of thick silence filled the living room. For some reason Blaine couldn't stop focusing on the fact that the clock said 9.30 and suddenly he felt exhausted. He knew that it really wasn't appropriate considering the situation they were stuck in, but a need to curl up with Kurt in bed was simmering around his body.

"I – think I need to have some time to let this sink in," Susan said. She seemed just as exhausted as Blaine felt. Out of the blue Kurt noticed how much Blaine looked like his mom. They had the same gorgeous dark eyes and thick, dark curls. Their tan skin was interrupted by a tiny handful freckles only visible in the summer and they moved their hands with a grace and softness Kurt hadn't seen before. And now that they were both sitting in the dimmed light of the living room lamp hanging over the coffee table, casting heavy shadows over the family, they looked so alike that aside from the age difference they could have been twins. No wonder Kurt had always found Susan to be one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.

"Yeah. You two go to bed and we'll talk about this. We'll discuss this in the morning," Burt said, an intensely glared locked on his sons in front of him.

"Alright. I guess we'll just... go to bed then," Kurt said and took a heavy breath.

Both boys got to their feet and took uncertain steps towards the stairs, like they weren't sure they were allowed to leave yet – and really they were both still waiting for their parents to call them back. They were just about to go up when they were stopped.

"And no sneaking into each others bedrooms tonight," Burt warned them.

Ice filled Blaine's stomach – how was he supposed to sleep without Kurt tonight? After this. He needed him. They needed to talk to each other about it. What if Kurt decided it wasn't worth it, or that he didn't want to do this to their parents? He had to be with Kurt to make sure he didn't change his mind.

Kurt could see the wheels turning in Blaine's head. He could see in his eyes how the worry spread through his brain and filled his body, making his nerves scratch on the inside of his skin.

"Blaine, it's okay – it'll be fine," Kurt said softly and closed his hand around Blaine's wrist. There wasn't much he could do for him in front of their parents, but it didn't make it any less painful for Kurt to witness.

"Mom... please -" Blaine said weakly, his voice so low that Kurt wasn't sure he had even heard right.

"Burt – come on. They've been doing it for so long, one night can't change anything," Susan said, a hand on her husband's arm and her lower lip trapped between her teeth. Only her concern for Blaine could make her adopt this look. Everyone knew that.

Burt sighed heavily, groaned a little as he shifted in his chair. He rubbed his hands over his face and shot a glance to the teenagers with locked hands and pleading faces.

"Alright. Alright – but hands above the sheets and a foot's distance. Just because neither of you can get pregnant doesn't mean I'll allow any funny business going on under my roof," he caved, eyes staring and warning.

"Dad -" Kurt started.

"Just go to bed. We'll take this back up in the morning when we've talked about it. Goodnight," Susan said, shooting them a look that could only be interpreted as _"end of discussion_".

They mumbled a rushed "_goodnight_" and hurried up the stairs, afraid that if they waited for too long Kurt's dad might change his mind and they would have to part anyway.

Neither said a word as they brushed their teeth. In silence they crawled into Kurt's bed and Kurt was ready to fall into Blaine's arms as usual. But tonight Blaine wasn't opening his arms widely for him.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice muffled by his mouth being hidden by the comforter.

"What? You didn't do anything wrong," Kurt said and moved a little closer. He put a hand to Blaine's cheek and kissed the tip of his nose.

"If I had just... if I hadn't been so damn jealous, and if I hadn't been such a jerk and tell you we wouldn't have been together now. Why do I keep making my mom miserable? I don't mean to," Blaine said.

When his eyes met Kurt's they filled with tears and pain was painted all over him. The sight was crawling under Kurt's skin and made his heart cramp. He put his arm around his boyfriend and pulled him close, letting Blaine bury his face in the crook of Kurt's neck.

"Blaine, sweetie – don't say that. You do not make your mom miserable. You can't think like that. You make your mom happy, because she loves you. I actually think it went pretty well. They just need time to get used to the thought. She was the one who said we could share bed tonight," Kurt cooed and stroked his back.

"I love you so much, Kurt. I can't... I just need to be with you," Blaine cried.

"I love you too, Blaine. We'll be alright. I won't let you go," Kurt assured him and kissed his hair.

They didn't share anymore for the night. Kurt comforted Blaine until he had cried himself to sleep. When he was sure Blaine would be sleeping through the night he allowed himself to drift away as well, not so much as loosening his grip around his boyfriend.


	18. Open

When Kurt woke up Blaine was sitting on the edge of the bed. He was in his clothes and had his back on Kurt. It seemed like he was just staring into the wall. The clock only showed 6.45, so Kurt rubbed his eyes and rolled over to lie on his side.

"Blaine? Are you okay?" He mumbled weakly.

There was silence. At first Kurt wondered if Blaine had even heard him. He was just about to ask again when Blaine answered, not moving a muscle.

"I can't go down there. What if they send me away? Or tell us that we can't be together -" Blaine said, his voice clear as bells.

In a clumsy motion Kurt got to his knees and crawled over the mattress. He put his arms around Blaine's shoulders, resting his chin lightly on the right with his cheek against Blaine's ear.

"What? Now, why would they send you away? And this is just as much about me as it is about you. If they send you away they will send me away and we can go away together. Also, if they say they don't want us to be together we will be anyway. I'm not giving you up so easily," Kurt declared and kissed his neck.

"But – I don't know anymore. I just wanna be with you. But I can't hurt my mom," Blaine said thickly. He turned his head slightly and made Kurt's lips pout against his cheek.

"We _will_ be together. It will all work out, I am sure. Don't worry, baby," Kurt smiled and squeezed around his boyfriend's shoulders.

"Let's just go down there and get it over with. Imagine if we can actually hold hands in glee club today," Kurt beamed, desperate to get Blaine to smile again.

"I really would love to have everyone know that you're my boyfriend," Blaine said with a crooked smile. He turned his torso and wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist to drag him close for a kiss that had Kurt squirming in his arms.

"Blaine! I have morning breath," he giggled and twisted himself out of Blaine's grip.

"I'll survive," Blaine grinned teasingly.

Kurt got off the bed. Blaine started to make the bed and sat down to watch Kurt while he watched Kurt get dressed. It was nice that they had come to a point where they weren't overly sensitive about their bodies around each other anymore. Kurt loved the way Blaine looked at him and adored his body – but he also hated the sadness in his eyes when his gaze reached below Kurt's waist.

As soon as they were ready they hugged each other and shared a brief kiss with promises that it would be alright, that nothing could take them apart, before they took a deep breath and opened the door. Headed for breakfast with their Doom.

**xXx**

The tension in the kitchen was thick. Their parents were already at the table, clearly waiting for the boys to join them, clearly waiting for the boys to join them. Coffee had already been poured in the mugs on the table in front of the chairs.

They shot each other a scared glance and carefully sat down in their usual seats. Their parents watched them with hawkeyes, following their every move. Kurt took a sip of his coffee, but Blaine was frozen in his spot.

"We talked. Actually, we sat up all night discussing this... I don't even know to describe it. This thing," Kurt's dad opened. It was impossible to read what direction this was headed in.

"Let's – start with the beginning. I guess that would be the easiest," Blaine's mom sighed. She turned her coffee mug in her hands, watching the dark liquid dance in the porcelain before she looked back to her sons.

"When we met it was because we had one thing in common: our sons are gay. I needed help to tackle that. But – I got so much more than just help to understand how I could support my son. I got help to untangle this mess my life had become. I got a family – a husband and one more son. A loving family, as opposed to the disaster of a marriage I was caught in. And my son, my beautiful boy with all the weight of the world on his shoulders, suddenly wasn't lonely anymore. He got a dad, and a best friend. It was more than I could ever have hoped for," she said, her voice a slight quiver. Clearly it was emotional for her to go through the memories of the past few years of her whirlwind-life.

"What brought us together was that our sons are both gay. We understood each other in things that parents to straight kids doesn't have to consider. And we brought our sons together – to give them each a brother who could understand them in a way that we would never be able to. We saw you as brothers. We still see you as brothers. As _our_ children, _our_ sons, of _our_ marriage," she said.

Blaine shifted nervously in his chair. He kept his eyes on his untouched plate, unsure what to do about himself. He could feel everything inside of him twist and turn, his stomach trying to crawl out of his throat.

Kurt chewed on his lower lip. He could feel anxiety radiate from Blaine. He wanted to put his arm around him; hold him close and promise him that things would be okay, but to be honest he had no idea what direction they were headed in. Instead he took a deep breath and snuck his hand under the table to rest it on Blaine's thigh. Fortunately it didn't take more than a second before Blaine slipped his hand under the table and squeezed Kurt's hand so hard his nails could pop off.

"However, naturally things have changed. This was never one of the things we considered to happen. We thought you considered yourself as brothers, too. When you started spending all you time together we were thrilled. We were so happy that you got along so well and that you enjoyed each others company. Blaine, I have been so worried about you – we both have – but after you started spending so much time with Kurt you were hardly ever sad anymore. You seemed happy. You found a place in glee club, you found friends. I found peace of mind.

Blaine dared to send his mother a glance. Her eyes were teary and her lips were pressed together to a thin line over her face. Kurt's dad led his hand up to close around his wife's. She turned to smile at him, and returned her attention to the task at hand.

"I can't say this have been easy for us. We have discussed this from all angles. Pros and cons, what it will mean – both for you and for us..."

She paused, letting anticipation fill the room. She was getting close to revealing their finally verdict.

"But what we kept coming back to was: '_If the boys love each other, why shouldn't they?_' We, if anyone, know how hard it is to find love. Burt lost his wife, and was alone with Kurt for a long time – my own marriage was to a man who despised my son, and me for loving our son unconditionally. Love doesn't just drop by."

She let a hand up to wipe a tear off her cheek. Blaine felt a strong urge to run around the table and hug her, but he settled for clenching Kurt's hand instead.

"Blaine, honey, you have had to deal with so much in your short life. You thought you would never find anyone to love you, and there was: right there in the next room. And Kurt, you have not had it easy yourself, and you have been so alone and reserved because the world let you think you had to. We know neither of you wear your heart on your sleeve, that you don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. Or take easy on love and romance – which is why we have agreed that... this must be real and not some simple teenage crush. We trust you, and you have already been through the heavy matter regarding Blaine, and you are still here, in front of us holding hands under the table as if we wouldn't see."

That was it. Her voice broke and she couldn't speak anymore. She settled for taking a deep breath and lean back in her chair, gulping down a huge mouthful of coffee.

"What we wanna say is: we support you. We want you both to be happy, and if you are happy together then that is what will make us happy. It's not like you're related by blood," Kurt's dad concluded.

He put his arm around his wife and leaned back to have a clear look at the boys in front of him, both of whom were breathless. They had snapped their hands to themselves the moment Susan had mentioned that they weren't as discrete as they thought they were.

They both wanted to turn and throw their arms around each other. Cry and melt into each others embrace from relief – but they needed to make sure. They had to be completely certain.

"So, what you're saying is that, you don't mind us being... together?" Kurt dared to ask. It was no fun, but inevitable to ask the question so bluntly to avoid misconceptions.

"Nah. Not the bit. But we need to talk this through. We need to consider how to go around this and we have to have some sort of rules. We don't want you sneaking around. We want us to be honest with each other in this house."

Kurt's dad had his gaze locked on the boys, firmly observing them.

"We need to agree how to tackle this when it comes to people outside the family," he declared and Kurt was quick with a response.

"It's okay. We've agreed that we won't be, you know, public, as long as it will hurt your careers. We won't let this be on the cost of your public figures," he said, and Blaine nodded in eager consent.

"But that's the thing – we don't think it could do any damage to us, really. You are only brothers through our marriage and you didn't grow up together. We know it will raise some issues, but it's not anything we can't argue against. We don't want you to hide. Where's the point in you being out if you can't show in public with the person you love?" Susan argued.

Blaine felt his shoulders relieve a tension he hadn't known he had been keeping in. He felt himself relax and automatically lean in Kurt's direction.

"Of course we expect you to not flaunt it around or anything, but just... be natural about it," she ended with a saying shrug and emptied her mug.

"So, what you're saying is that... when we go to school today we can – actually be together? Not hide..." Blaine asked insecurely.

"Yes. We don't wanna keep you down. This really takes some time to get used to, but we just want you to be happy, boys -" Blaine's mom said with a smile.

It was too much now. Blaine couldn't hold back anymore. He jumped to his feet and ran around the table to hug his mom. He squeezed her tight, not caring about the tears now rolling down his face.

"Thank you. Just... thanks," he creaked out as her arms came up to hold around him, returning his embrace.

"Oh baby. It's okay. It's all good now. No more secrets, honey," she cooed and stroke his hair.

Kurt could feel his dad watching but he didn't care. He couldn't take his eyes off Blaine, the way he finally let all of the burned in guilt and pain out now that he was sure his mom was okay with them being together and that she wouldn't push him away for that. That was all Kurt wished for Blaine: for him to be happy.

"I'm sorry to break up the party, but I think the two of you should get something to eat quick so can get to school before you're late," Kurt's dad broke in.

Blaine slowly backed away from his mom and let her dry away the tears on his face before he rubbed his eyes and sat back down next to Kurt. Under the table Kurt squeezed his thigh quickly and hurried to return his attention to the plate in front of him. The family ate their breakfast in silence, everyone relieved that there was nothing more to be hidden for anyone in their home.

**xXx**

"Are you ready to do this?" Kurt asked, his eyes piercing into Blaine's, the blue intense and sparkling with anticipation. After a brief second Blaine nodded firmly. He knew he didn't seem as confident as he wanted, but it was much more more than he actually felt.

"It's a huge step. We can't un-do this once it's done," Kurt reminded him softly, a finger brushing over Blaine's thigh, electricity firing between them.

"I know. But I wanna do this with you. You're the only one I was do this with," Blaine peeped out, biting his lower lip from the sound of his own voice being weak and light.

"Me too. I love you so much, Blaine. Let's just... get this over with," Kurt said under his breath. He leaned in to press a lingering kiss on Blaine's mouth. He realized his head was feeling light and he was unsure whether it was the right thing to do, but he really did want to share this moment with Blaine.

They shared a quick smile and a series of quick pecks before they took a deep breath and got out of the car. Kurt pressed the button and locked up before he walked around the car – and stretched his hand out for Blaine to take it so they could walk into William McKinley High School with locked hands as a couple for the first time in their lives.

They crossed the parking lot with uncertain steps and entered the school halls buzzing with people complaining over it being Monday, or that they hadn't finished their homework, or people gossiping about the parties of the weekend. When they reached Kurt's locker they stopped and turned to face each other.

"I have to get ready for class. But... I'll see you in the break, right?" Kurt smiled and squeezed Blaine's hand a little harder. Blaine looked to the ground and with hesitation he took half a step closer.

"Of course. I uhm... I was thinking that maybe we could tell Tina what happened. And then – we can hang with her today and be, you know, normal. She won't make a big deal out of it," Blaine mumbled weakly.

"That's a good idea. I'll meet you at your locker later," Kurt agreed.

He wasn't sure Blaine was really ready for this, but he didn't want to drag it out and then they would never get around feeling natural about it – so Kurt leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of Blaine's mouth.

"Kurt – I..." Blaine started with panic fuming inside him. He moved back as a knee-jerk reaction, but when he looked at Kurt he reminded himself that it was time they put behind the secret, and instead of objecting he smiled.

"I'll see you later," he mumbled with red cheeks and dragged himself down the hall towards his locker.

**xXx**

Sitting with Tina during lunch made it easier. After they had explained the situation to her they proceeded to eat and didn't address the issue anymore. The boys held hands under the table, and even though Blaine was nervous he didn't think too much of it as they started laughing at Tina's mom not recognizing Brad Pitt in the new Chanel No. 5 ad.

It turned out to be glee club that was the hardest. They knew that this should be their free space, but really it made them even more on the edge.

As they entered the choir room they had their hands locked and walked super close. Kurt felt like Blaine was trying to pop his fingers off from the sheer force with which he was clenching his hand, but he knew how he was feeling so he didn't say anything. He only tried calming Blaine down by caressing his hand with his thumb and stroking his hand over his arm as they sat down.

They went through the lesson with ease. No one mentioned anything and neither did they. Tina had suggested that to avoid dealing with drama they could wait until Friday and both change their relationship status on Facebook. That way everyone would know, but they didn't have to face people for days and could just turn off their phones if anyone called. So that was how it would be going down.

"I didn't know being gay was an excuse for incest, but it looks like The Siamese Twins don't agree," Santana smirked as they all walked down the hall after glee club.

Blaine stopped frozen in the middle of the hall, fortunately completely deserted except for the glee kids. However, everyone stopped to stare at them. Usually no one paid much attention to her remarks, but with their locked hands it was hard for people to ignore.

"Good thing you can't have babies. Imagine the gel abnormalities they would have," Santana snickered to herself, her boots clicking as she walked past them, giving them the elevator glare.

"Mind your own business, Santana -" Kurt snapped and turned to Blaine.

"It's fine. Just ignore her," he said lowly and caressed a hand down Blaine's arm.

"What is she talking about?" Quinn asked and took a careful step closer.

"We have an incestuous couple in our midst. Gay and Gayer here have been dating and fucking for months. But it's not until they now they have gone semi-public," Santana said and rolled her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest in a very '_You're all stupid for not seeing it_'-kind of way.

"Is that true? And Kurt, you didn't tell me!" Rachel whined, her eyes huge with the feeling of betrayal she so obviously was feeling.

"We are not fu... yes, we are – _together._ But this is exactly the reason we didn't tell anyone. We didn't want to hear your incest or gay jokes. It's not incest, we are not related, and our parents support us," Kurt thundered at them all, not letting go of Blaine's hand once.

"Dude, relax. I think it's awesome – so what if your parents are married. If you like each other screw it all," Puck said and padded Blaine's back in a way that almost sent him to the floor.

"So you're finally be getting some, Anderson," Puck smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

"It isn't like that," Blaine mumbled and looked away, hoping no one would see the flames filling his cheeks.

"Just stop it. Now you know: we're together, a couple, a thing, an item if you want. We just don't want to make a big deal out of it," Kurt groaned and hoped Blaine wasn't about to pass out.

"See ya all tomorrow," Kurt said and started walking towards the exit, Blaine clinging to his hand and following with quick steps.

They rushed over the parking lot and into Kurt's car. Blaine folded his arms around his midsection and looked out the windshield, not saying a word as Kurt buckled up.

"Are you okay? It wasn't exactly ideal, but I think it went pretty well all things considered," Kurt tried carefully. He wanted to reach out to take Blaine's hand, but he wasn't sure Blaine would be up for that right now. It seemed like he needed a moment to gather himself.

"It's fine. Now... everyone knows and in a few days no one will think twice about it. Right?" Blaine said with a nod, seeming more like he wished for Kurt to assure him that it was like that, rather than him saying that he actually believed it. To be honest he was scared which comments were to come over the next couple of days.

"Yes. That's right. And with Nationals and everything coming up no one will bother paying us attention. We'll be fine. I promise," Kurt cooed and leaned over to kiss Blaine's cheek.

He was just about to back away when Blaine grabbed his face and pulled him closer, pressing their mouths together.

"Everything will work out now," Blaine smiled and brushed his thumb down Kurt's cheekbone and was rewarded with a wide grin.

"Yes. Everything will be good. I am sure," he smiled and gave Blaine a series of quick pecks.


End file.
